So I'm 15, an openly bi guy, and a sophomore in high school. And the thing that has pissed me off the most is the fact that my friend doesn't even know how much I love him. More than friends. And I can't even tell him! Here's why: I wanna be str8forward with my friend Andrew about me liking him (I came out to him as bi this past May and he's accepting of me but I don't even have 5 SECONDS to tell him.... My friend Tabitha sees him before 4th period every day. (Me and her have 3rd period gym, and Andrew has 4th, so as we leave he walks in.) And they never knew each other before I told her I like him, so he's always wondering why she knows his name. Her reply--every day--is "My friend's [me] in love with you!", except this time he'd say "Um.... ok" and I think today he even asked her "Who?" I even told her about my problems with telling him I like him in history class; or even having a simple conversation with Andrew.. It would take a miracle to kill Andrew's asshole friend Paul. (I hate him, as you know....) They talk to each other every day during history 2nd period, before gym... Andrew will always sit behind me, and every day it's like I wanna run up to him--really what I wanna do is kiss him but we're not there yet--and tell him but I can't. For 3 reasons: 1) Our teacher Mr. Keyes is always yelling at someone every day, and mostly it's either Andrew--for sitting near me--and Paul--for being a fucking asshole. I hate the way Keyes yells at Andrew for no reason. He always tells him to sit back in his seat, even if A's not causing problems at all... 2) Because Paul and my ex friend Julia and my friends Victoria and Onesty (literally her name is Honesty without the H..) are right next to me or near me. Victoria and Onesty are on my right in that order. Julia sits on my left.. and Paul sits behind Julia. Because me, V and O sit in the front row. 3) I forget what I would've written for 3... I'm listening to "Destiny" by Zero 7... it makes me think of how much I wanna be with Andrew again!! I wanna sing it to him so badly... Anyway I told Tabitha all this today. She said "I'll literally go in your history class and tell everyone to get the fuck out so you and Andrew can make babies!" I busted out laughing but really that would make my day, my week, and my year, me and Andrew alone together... I have too much I need to get off my chest to him, so he'd understand how I'm feeling. About him, about me having a crush on him.. about everything in my life. Yesterday I was talking to Andrew on Facebook, since it's--so far--the only way I can talk to him without obstacles. I told him I wanted to talk to him today--well it was yesterday so I told him tomorrow--and he said he never gets to school on time.. So I replied "Oh... what time do you get to school?" and he never replied and soon after he went offline. Now I'm on chat with him again, and I've said hi to him but he hasn't replied... So what's anyone's opinion about my love life? LOL! I came to EC because I have no one else to talk to at the moment..
To be honest, I'd suggest tuning it down. I know it seems like the only thing in the world you need to do is to tell this boy Andrew you're in love with him. But it's not. I've ruined a very good friendship confessing love for a friend I wasn't sure was gay. Even if he is gay, its possible he may not feel the same way about you. You need to be ready for this. Guys - especially straight guys, and better yet, straight guys in HS tend to take it as something of a shock to find put a gay man has feelings for him. Learn to cherish your friendship for what it is and not what you want it to be. If he's attracted to you, it will happen eventually but you can't let that be your end-all be-all hope. Take each day as it comes and try to see your friend in a different light.
Yes, I've thought the same thing. However I still have stuck to my guns: always assume he's str8.. I live in a town dominated by str8 people. Because every guy--except myself, possibly my gay senior friend, and Andrew who, now that you made me think this, doesn't want me--is str8 in my school I will try to stay friends with him. And I had a friend tell me that he would've already expressed the fact that he likes me if he did. Yet I'm disputing if he did or not... because he called me beautiful in history, in front of people; etc. Ugh, I even wrote a poem about him too... I guess it will just have to go in my junk box. When I have kids, they'll find it 30 years from now when I'm 45! :tears:
I agree with Indiana Juno - this part especially gave me pause. You're putting too much pressure on this guy to support your entire emotional life. Dumping all this on one person who - if I remember right - doesn't even know you're gay in the first place will be way too much for him to handle at one time. On the other hand, a lot of what you have to say here is awesome - you have some great, supportive friends who are completely ready and eager to talk and joke about your love life with you. This is worth so much more than you may realize - be thankful for them! And quite frankly, the fact that you're developing attachments to specific people, even if a bit more enthusiastic than might be useful at this stage, is good too. Just try to appreciate it for what it is - a crush, which is fun for daydreaming, and fantasies, and figuring out what type of guy you're into. Side note, after I broke up with my ex a few years ago and before I was ready to date, I picked out someone I called my "straight boyfriend." He was a friend of a friend, associated with my social circle but not someone I knew personally. I thought he was cute, both in appearance and personality, but decided never to dig into his personal life at all. Some friends found out about my "relationship" with him and offered to find out some details about his love life and possible connections, and even volunteered to give me information about him that they already knew, but I actually told them I didn't want to know. To this day I have no idea what they were going to tell me - maybe he was crushing on me too, maybe he was completely hetero and homophobic. I have no idea. The point was that I wasn't ready to actually be in a relationship at that point, I had too much to get off my chest, and I just enjoyed having someone to fixate on for the time being and get used to the idea of seeing someone like him in the future. So maybe you could do something like that. In any case, who knows where things will go with Andrew. Maybe you'll come out to him, maybe not. Maybe he'll eventually reciprocate your feelings, maybe not. Just make sure to enjoy the present and don't live totally in the future.
Sometimes, yes, it's not quite nice, and we must think of the consequences. Once I had a crush with my (now) ex boss. He is an australian (and married). At the time when we worked together, at times I believed he liked me. So, after quitting and changing job, one time, after years, I met him again, then we exchanged phone number. And then, via sms, I made a confession that I had a crush on him. He only said he was flattered, and said thanks, but he never replied or contacted me anymore since the confession. So I guess sometimes what we thought was a chance, in fact, was not a chance at all. We need to think of the consequences. If someone has a symphaty for you, he will keep the contact, be eager to chat with you. I hope you understand what I mean.
Fantasizing is awesome, and daydreaming is cute too, but I hae fixating. I do it with EVERY cute guy who does something gay to me. (Every str8 guy--all guys in my school are str8 and I believe it but my gay friend always tells me not to believe in false hope...) I just hate obsession because the guy I think is the one never loves me back, and never will. And I hate the aftermath: my hurt feelings and depression. Yesterday I was looking forward to Monday and seeing Andrew again until I had a daydream about me and him. I had told him I liked him and he said nothing, but when we saw each other the week after, he was acting very rude and distant to me. So I guess I should start the "aftermath" now, since he doesn't like me. (I know people will tell me on here "How do you assume when you never asked him if he likes you?") But it is true that every guy in my high school is str8. Also about the figuring out which guy I'm into part, I loooove a hot white guy. Teenage, of course.. nothing older than 15 (my age) or 16, I hate it when guys are older than me. But I go for hot white guys who are the star of the football team or they do some random stuff. And then I find out and assume they're str8 and force myself to get over them. If no one wants me in my school, I want no one... But it's even harder pretending I have a hot boyfriend like this sexy star of my school football team who lives one block up the street from mine named Ian... he's on my bus and I always see him in the halls, and in the morning I always see him kissing his girlfriend Julia. (I don't know her but I haven't talked to Ian either, I just know him because he's super popular) Also for the guy type thing, as you can also tell I'm really into popular guys.. Ugh this stuff is going into my journal when I'm older so I wish I could kick myself in the head when I'm 40... to tell 15 year old me what a dumba*s I was. (am)
I had a lot of crushes to a lot of people when i was young, and even crazy things like footballer, my senior, etc etc (although now it has shifted into mature looking white/latin/middle eastern guys, and I don't think it's foolish - it's just a process that we need to pass. Just enjoy your youth. You can always find friends (even guy friends). Perhaps you can just advertise here to find people your age who live near you so you all can hang out together (not sexually, but reaally hang out)...so you can distract yourself a bit from the fantasies with some nice reality to remember...Just a suggestion... John P.S. And we don't know if your classmates are all really straight or not. we can't read other people's mind.... Just that if someone has symphaty with you, he will look eager to be with you.
Your solutions to your problem(s) lie in some basic rules: 1. Everyone is straight unless you know for sure otherwise (an 'I like dik!' status on Facebook doesn't count). 2. Never tell straight people (especially straight guys) that you like them. Especially in high school. Unless your friend is the kind of open-minded "act-gay-but-are-100%-straight" guys (uncommon), telling him you like him is a guaranteed way for it to backfire. My straight crush found out I liked him, and I don't think he talked to me for a month. We weren't friends, but we hated each other, in short. Your female friend (Tabitha) will react that way, considering all girls want a gay best friend/gay couple for the 'cute' factor and whatnot. I'd try your best just to get over him and move on. now. If you don't, I can speak from experience, it's going to ruin your friendship, and if it goes more public, you will be on the back-end of payouts for a while.
if hes most likely straight, dont say anything to him. itll ruin your friendship (potentially) or worse. you need to learn how to control your emotions enough to gear them away from straight men. trust me, we all know how painful it is to like someone thatll never like u back in the same way
Of course I need to learn how to do it, but I'm a lost cause... I hate going for str8 guys but there's no one else gay or bi my age where I live, so str8 guys are all I have. And I hate when people tell me "wait until your older" to find someone, but it's what I'll have to do.
