Hey everyone Ok, here goes; I dont know If I should tell my best friend that I fancy girls. My best friend is really cool and she likes to have a laugh and everything but I dont know how she will react if I tell her I'm into girls. She's always joking with me saying how I'm so into girls maybe I'm a lesbian, how else could a person explain the way I obsess about some girls, but she always says it in a joking kinda way, just to tease me. She would never really think I was Les, because to be honest, neither of us have kissed a guy, so she'd assume how can you know; she's not much into relationships but likes to to have a laugh and I'm just shy.. well sometimes sometimes. so I think I prefer just taking my time and finding myself in my own place and time. Yesterday, she said she notice my MSN status about Cheryl Cole and I was saying how cool she is, as in look at how she developed her image from when she was young to now; all the bad times she went through and now she's way successful. She started laughing and she was like.. 'Jeee here she goes again' but she said it to tease me because she knows my reaction is always like 'that doesnt make you les!! Its just admiration' (haha!). And she's always going on about how fit some lads are but I never really give my input into these converstations in our circle of friends, so her and some other school friends on mine are always saying, 'zak, commee on, what do u think of this guy..' haha I dont see the major attraction, sure he's fit.. but thats it, so I just say.. ''whats so good about him!'' haha! I was thinking about this last night and so badly wanted to call her and drop it in a coversation, just to say ooh mate what do you think of.. for example, our teacher, isnt she the funniest. Or something like Jennifer Aniston was so good in that episode.. right? And then sort of say, I really like some women or girls in their character and sometimes their looks.. but nothing so much that she thinks, I'm totally weird, like queer. I trust her but dont want to tell her so much about my fantasies with girls that I think of at night.. , or how much I fancy some girls at our school- nothing like that to make her feel awkward. Just half coming out. haha! I realise how funny that sounds! But tell her to the extent that she understands why I get so obsessed with some females so quickly, but not to totally freak her out and make her think, 'wow, we've been friends since primary school, and she couldnt tell me this' or 'what a weirdo' or anything ridiculous like that.. :/ Haha, I suck at trying to explain what I'm feeling and sorry its a little long. Once I get typing, my fingers just run away with the words... hehee cringeeee Thanks everyone for your suggestions
Telling my best friend was one of the best things I've done. It was the first step in my path to acceptance. she's your best friend! Unless you think she's going to react very badly, you should do it. Plus, it sounds like she at least suspects you like ladies anyway.
I agree with Daisy in that you should tell your best friend unless you have reason to believe that she will react badly or that telling her will cause unwanted consequences. She seems to be okay with you liking girls, from what you'd written.
Hey, thanks for the reply; thing is she would never think I fancy girls in that way. She knows I like girls, but only because they have something attractive about them- like being a real good actor or singer. Thats the reason she thinks that I'm into them so much. She has a laugh but thats always in a jokey-way. And how would I start the conversation to her about me being like this ?Any suggestions?
Well you could try another status about another girl you like and see if she comments, or perhaps just chat to her normally and then drop into conversation oh I was watching a clip of ........, I really like her, or I was daydreaming about .......... earlier. It sounds to me like quite a small hint would probably get her to bring it up and then you could just kind of confirm it or take it a bit further. I would say the fact she jokes about it 99.9% means she would have a supportive reaction, people that would react badly or are homophobic wouldnt normally joke in a fun way about their friend being gay haha. Good luck.
i don't know if half-coming out would work. i think it would result in her not really understanding what you mean, and then you'd have to explain it anyway. you don't have to tell her what you fantasize about, or who you like at school, you can just say, "hey, so i've been meaning to tell you something that I figured out about myself. i like girls." and that's it. telling a best friend is a really liberating thing, and if she really knows you well then she may be secretly suspecting-- beneath all the jokes, because behind every laugh is always an ounce of truth. what i've discovered is that people who know you well, and especially those who have known you for a long time, have probably developed some intuitive understanding about you-- even the things about you that you've never talked about or deny when you're asked.
addie88: thankks! What you said was so well put; 'beneath all the jokes, because behind every laugh is always an ounce of truth'- that’s definitely true! I understand what you mean, I want to tell her so bad but so much that she works it out herself a little bit and that it brings us a lot more closer than we are now. Silverhalo: Yeey! I was so hoping you'd read and comment on my thread, haha, I didn’t want to ask you so to constantly bother you cos you’ve helped me loads. hehe, day dreaming? That’s way to obvious, I want to say something a little discreet so she sort of knows already and we question it a little more together Ah! I don’t know, am I reading a lot more into this that I should be? I know it will come naturally because she is my best friend, but at the same time I get so nervous when talking about things as personal as this and scared I might change the subject and chicken out! :$ I want to say it so it starts with something like 'Do u ever get emotionally attached to a girl you hardly know' or 'Isnt her hair the most prettiest right .. !' Haha or something along those lines so its a little warm up into what I want to say! Ah!! Any suggestions like that? Also do you reckon face to face is a good idea? haha, I'm so worried about doing this, and I'm not 100% if its really what I want, it just keeps penetrating my thoughts when I'm studying.. or just being me with family or friends... Thanks for the suggestions you guys xD
I think you do want to do it its only natural to have a few doubts, its almost like the leap of faith telling the first real life person, I mean coming out to everyone on a forum is very helpful but if at any time you choose, you can logout never to return or make a new profile or change things with the click of a button, however coming out to your best friend is almost like writing something in ink, like you cant take it back and that is why your nervous. Dont get me wrong im not trying to scare you out of doing it, more explain to you that its only natural. The problem with coming out to people is that you want to tell the people closest to you first, but the closer someone is to you the more you have to loose. Lets say you met someone tomorrow, and you straight out told them you were gay and they reacted badly then so what you might not have liked them that much anyway. However its also true that the closer you are to her the more she already knows about you and the more supportive she is likely to be. Are you reading too much into this? Most likely if you are anything like me then you are analysing every last detail because you are almost excited but more scared and so you just want to get everything right. Is face to face a good idea? Face to face is good, email or letter is good it is however you feel most confident. I have come out to a couple of people by text which is also ok, it is less recommended as it is hard to put across emotion and things can be misinterpreted because everything tends to be shortened down. MSN or equivalent is ok too. I would just say if it is MSN or text then you just have to make sure they realise that you are having a serious conversation as it is harder to tell than face to face. I might chicken out and change the subject. Yep you might I would safely say every gay person has let at least a couple of prime coming out opportunities pass on by before they actually did it, be it the 1st, 5th or 20th person they were telling. It doesnt matter if you plan to do it and then you dont. I am 1st class at ducking out, so for me its best if I tell the person I need to tell them something or talk about something and then they want to know what it is so it makes me go through with it, but everyone is different. You will probably plan out exactly what it is you want to say, how you are going to say it, how you are going to get to that point and every little detail and then everything will happen differently its ok it happens. I would also echo addie88's point about half telling her, I can understand where you are coming from but I am great at being cryptic with personal issues, only problem is whilst they seem obvious to me, everyone else is either confused or oblivious so just ensure that she does understand what you are trying to say. Try not to fret, whilst I cant actually guarantee it, I am as sure as I can be that she will be supportive of you. Oh and also, please don't be scared to write on my wall, thats what its there for, it doesn't matter how many times you post there I will help, well I will try cant promise any miracles haha.
Thanks silverhalo, your comments are always greatly appreciated. And you make such good sense !! When I was reading the face-to-face paragraph, I had butterflies in my stomach.. Haha its mad how excited I get and nervous at the same time. I was going to tell her on Monday when we agreed that she would come to my house. I told her to let me know when shes free during the day and we can sit in my room and talk.. 'talk' hehe little does she know just how badly I want to have this chat. But when I asked her, we were talking on the phone and I told her I wanted to tell her something that I've been wanting to talk to her for a while.. and then I quickly said I had to go and hung up. Which was a bad move because I dont she really understood what I sad.. lol ! But I'm working on it, and yes I think you're right, face to face is a lot better than anything else. Got it! Thanks silverhalo :eusa_danc
