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Is my friend being kind of a bully or might he be bi/gay? And does he like me?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by don29002, Nov 5, 2011.

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  1. don29002

    don29002
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    I'm in a complicated situation with my friend Matt. I don't know if he's str8 and joking or if he might be bi/gay and he likes me. One thing is that I used to always think about him after we would talk in the halls every day in my next class, but I was able to focus.
    So here's our history together to better understand the soap opera that is us:

    Matt is a good friend of mine and I would go to his lunch table and sit with his friends and tell funny stories and jokes and him and his friends loved me for it freshman year.
    But I noticed him staring at me frequently while I'd be telling my stories. Every day.
    And he'd pull me close to him with his thumb touching my chin, which I thought was romantic in a way.
    And around Christmas time last year he told me "All I want for Christmas is you" and I smiled at him. Considering the fact that he has a [now ex] girlfriend--named Paige, and shes in college in Maryland at the UMBC.
    His girlfriend barely noticed but I'm friends with her too so I guess I got her approval lol

    Yesterday:

    Now I'm a sophomore and I see Matt every day. Occasionally he'll act gay around me--which is awesome because it's a great fantasy for nighttime.

    Yesterday I saw Matt after gym like I always do. He was behind me and I didn't know it, I had the song "Destiny" by Zero 7 running through my mind. I had a massive crush on him at one point, and I'd considered myself as over him, done with him until he was behind me, and my obsessiveness came back..
    Suddenly I heard Matt say "Watch this" to his friend who was behind me, and Matt touched my ass--which is SUPER sexy in my mind--and I immediately turned to him and winked at him, and me, him, and his friend started busting out laughing.
    So then we started talking about the cold weather, and then I brought up the topic of going on the track for gym, since I had gym the period before and we had to go on the track today--as we do every Friday--and of course I'm a jokester, so I of course added in jokes and hilarity.
    So I told him "What's good" and he mocked me, which isn't rude to me because he's Matt--he can do what he wants with me.
    I started talking, and I said "It's cold as hell" since we went on the track (me and my gym class) for 45 minutes... and again Matt said the same thing as I.
    Ugh I WISH I could've come out to him or told him I've a crush on him.. because I REALLY want to right now.
    Matt's a senior, so I wanna tell him before he graduates...

    So now I really am wondering if he's doing it to be an asshole or if he's doing it because he might have a crush on me. I don't know if it's either, but I need opinions. However, I said last Friday to a friend that I'd at least come out to him this week, but I haven't even done THAT because there's always someone he's with when we see each other.
    Now on Monday I'm definitely going to do SOMETHING... whether it be asking why he treats me like a gay puppet he can pull strings with, or coming out to him as bi.
    So what should I do?
     
    #1 don29002, Nov 5, 2011
  2. seeksanctuary

    seeksanctuary
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    In my opinion, if someone actually likes you and cares about you, they'll let you know in a way that isn't asshole-ish. I've never really understood the whole "if they are mean to you it's because they like you" concept; sure, sometimes guys have different ways of going about things due to how they're raised in society, but that doesn't include "acting like a jerk" to my knowledge.

    I'd be careful. Especially at your age. Not trying to be ageist, but the teen years are an especially vulnerable time (yes even for guys!) and with all the violence going on in schools towards GLBT right now? Who knows. He might be your friend now, but if you come out you have to be ready that everyone will find out and that he'll react badly. Especially if he already suspects it and is purposefully trying to torment you a bit. I'd like to think he wouldn't do that since you're friends, but I'm sure you understand how young men can be.

    Of course he could be gay or bi and just not know how to deal with it, being younger himself, but I just worry. So, again, do what you feel you have to do... if that includes outing yourself to him, you have my support... but be cautious.
     
    #2 seeksanctuary, Nov 5, 2011
  3. Lexington

    Lexington
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    I'll let you answer your own question.

    "Now on Monday I'm definitely going to do SOMETHING... whether it be asking why he treats me like a gay puppet he can pull strings with..."

    "So I told him "What's good" and he mocked me, which isn't rude to me because he's Matt--he can do what he wants with me."

    A common complaint about interpersonal relationships in general is "why does he treat me like this?" And the answer is nearly always "Because you allow him to treat you like this." If someone's treating you in a way you don't want to be treated, you need to let them know that. Sometimes you can do it politely, sometimes you can do it with a wink and a smile, and other times, you have to be a bit of an asshole about it.

    The real question becomes, then, do you want to confront him about it? Because right now, you can at least convince yourself that he's doing it because he's being playfully flirty. And that IS a possibility, but I think a somewhat remote one. And if you confront him about it, he'll probably stop...and you'll have to weigh whether or not that's something you really want. Because I know people who would much rather live in limboland (along with the chance that "he likes me!") than shut it down.

    Lex
     
    #3 Lexington, Nov 5, 2011
  4. insidehappy

    insidehappy Guest

    these "is he/isn't he" situations are hard. usually you end up liking someone and pining away for them for weeks, months, and sadly in some cases years before you ever know if they like you or not. you end up having to out yourself and take all the risks associated with that just to find out what the deal is with the person. here's my advice.

    1. romance is a two way street. this means that the other person should be able to show you some level of interest as well in a clear way. remember if someone really likes you and they are READY to proceed with a situation with you, they will show you in some way. sometimes people do like you but are not READY to deal with everything that comes with it, so that's why you get mixed messages.

    Just be the person's friend. try and see if there are opportunities for you two to hang one on one. if they like you they will make it happen. personally i suggest not putting energy into people like this. its usually just a waste of your time and energy.
     
    #4 insidehappy, Nov 5, 2011
  5. don29002

    don29002
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    All I'm gonna ask him Monday is if he just wants to be friends or if he wants to be more than friends. I'll tell him after I say more than friends, "because look, I've got the vibe that the signals you give me are to make me think you have a crush on me. Be honest with me, what are you trying to convey?" and that should get us somewhere...
     
    #5 don29002, Nov 6, 2011
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