He hates gossip and he's not into all the latest Hollywood stories and video games and magazines. He's the party/get drunk type who always is out the house every day. So when I mention guys I like he always says since a guy looks at me I'm gonna marry them. I try to tell him that I'm above gossip and stupid crap but we always clash ideas whenever I say something he hates. Sometimes I think he doesn't care about me the way I thought he would. He's always calling me weak since I have too much of a sensitive side and get attached to guys. And since I get obsessed/infatuated quickly. He's popular in his school and cute. He says he hates teen love--yet he has a cute best friend (according to him) who he'd never date and he says is like a brother to him. He says if someone was dating me, they'd leave me in a second. And when he says that stuff about me he makes me feel so bad about myself. Especially when he says I'm weak and don't have a backbone and that I need to grow one. We talk on Yahoo chat every week and every time we have a fight I don't talk to him for one week. But time and time again even though he makes me feel bad about myself and I've told him more about me than even my own mom knows about me, he'll write stuff on my chat board like "I miss you" and stuff. Yet I come crawling back to him; then we have a 6-7 hour positive conversation. It'll go downhill once or twice but never to the point where I'm not talking to him for one or two weeks. And then I say one bad thing that ignites his flames. Then he says a bunch of things, and then he says "I gotta go to a party ttyl" and he goes offline. How coincidental is it today that he said he had the worst week of his life; "Well I thought I liked this guy name Danny, I was 99% sure he was gay, then I confronted him, & he said hes not, also I got an F on my favorite class, I got 116 on the pacer, and I got back stabbed by one of my closest friends", when I get backstabbed and hurt and he talks crap about ME pouring out my feelings to him? Yet when he does it to me it's ok? I feel so hurt because we have such a huge connection, yet so many differences, I don't know what to do. I feel like :tears:ing that's how hurt I am, and I've NEVER felt like crying from things he says to me before.
Btw I forgot to add that the "he" is my friend Gustavo and he lives in Washinngton State.. also that he's gay and I'm bi.
It sounds like he's giving your life more drama than pleasure. And the smart thing to do in those situations is either work on changing the relationship (which doesn't seem like it's gonna happen here), or work on eliminating it. Lex
Since he usually looks down on talking about feelings, the fact that he is coming to you about his own shows that he is really troubled and needs somebody to talk to. My suggestion is that you listen to what he needs to say and just be there for him as his friend. Also, have you told him how what he says hurts you? A friendship takes communication and just giving him the cold shoulder every time he says something offensive won't get you anywhere, ya know?
Im sorry to hear of this....the last line you wrote you said hes gay... I was not thinking this until you wrote it. If that is the case, don't disclose so much personal information to him if he is NOT going to reciprocate his feelings and instead only use that personal information you disclosed to him to make you feel bad/ put you down... This guys behavior does sound odd...have you ever seen him kiss a guy? how do you know for sure he is gay? it seems like he is in denial or something and taking his frustrations out on you... Please give more information so we can come to better conclusions..(&&&)
Yeah I shouldn't have in the first place, but we've talked for almost one whole year now.. And no I haven't since we live too far apart--I in New Jersey, he in Washington State, like close to Seattle--but he told me on Halloween he got drunk and cuddled and fell asleep with his best friend's brother.. Also I'm pretty sure he's a virgin--he's never told me he's had sex with anyone--and he could be taking it out on me. He has a cut throat personality, and I've told him I'm the kind of sensitive, vulnerable type, and he told me I was weak. When I told him I was being bullied, I said to him that I brought pepper spray to school once and then he said he brings a knife to his. So I told him "What? I should bring a gun?" like a you've-got-to-be-kidding type reaction, and he said yeah I should.. (which I would never do.) Thoughts?
if u dont mind me asking when is your birth date and his birth date? no need for the year, just the date to be honest you sound like someone born in late june or early july and he sounds like someone in late september and early august im most likely wrong
Me: My DOB is the 25 August 1996 I don't know his, but I remember that when we were talking about a month or two ago he said that day was his birthday and he was turning 17..
wow that makes things interesting lol. first of all don you need to assert yourself. if im not mistaken, judging by the tone of you, you tend to analyse and is very perceptive. you cannot stand hyprocisy from this 'friend' of yours and therefore it has placed you in a frustrated position. you sound like a shy person: i suggest you do something about your overwhelming thoughts, calm down and be more assertive. as for this friend: if his friendship is not worth the bother then let him go. If you like to be caring, do so to those who are gonna appreciate it more because frankly he does not seem to care. sometimes you can also care for someone by turning a cold shoulder to give them a new perception on this. i like to think it as: giving them time to become a better person and they tend to find their way back to you. then again, being there for him is necessary too although his negative actions seem to get in the way and end up hurting. so wat is it? to be noble and stick with him all the way? or to let him learn things the hard way? he cant depend on your forever and also treat you the way he probably gets treated. introduce him to this website maybe.
I've told him about Gay Teen Forum AND EC too... he always tells me "Why put someone's personal life online?" whenever I tell him about LGBT forums.. but it's ok. And yes, I am a kind of shy person but not in school.. I'm animated and light and fun there since I'm around my friends. But when things go bad at school, I take them in and usually end up telling him, and he'll fire back at me with some rude comment. And yeah I don't think he cares when I'm caring... he does tell me his downfalls, and I usually say "that sucks" or some other words of sympathy, and he never replies... Also I do turn a cold shoulder... when we have fights about 4 days after we stop talking he'll tell me stuff like "I'll miss you".. I used to think that he was doing that as a launching pad to get me to come back to him so that he could be rude to me. Then I thought he really did miss me. But now I just think he really doesn't miss me..
>>>when we have fights about 4 days after we stop talking he'll tell me stuff like "I'll miss you".. I used to think that he was doing that as a launching pad to get me to come back to him so that he could be rude to me. Then I thought he really did miss me. But now I just think he really doesn't miss me.. I think this is more or less accurate. Let me tell you about something I did in my life that I'm not exceptionally proud of. I once had a guy who (for some unknown reason) developed a rather deep crush on me. This crush wasn't returned - I just never liked him like that. But despite that, I really liked him like me, if that makes any sense. It made me feel wanted and special and attractive and all that. So although I made it clear nothing was going to happen (and nothing did), I did like keeping him around. When I wouldn't hear from him in a while, I'd reach out. Partially because I missed him - he was kind of a friend - but also because I missed being lusted after, and I wanted that affirmation. Mind you, I don't think any of this was deliberate. I never said to myself "Fred's not around, and I miss him panting after me. I'm going to go flirt with him a bit to get him to start again." I sort of just thought "Hey, haven't heard from Fred in a while" and reached out. And I probably said enough flirty things (unconsciously) to keep the crush going. And that's really something I shouldn't have done. I should've let him free, and given him the time and space to find somebody who'd love him back. And I think this is what's going on here. He likes the attention, he likes the fact that you talk to him, and when you stop, he misses it. I'd like to think I was nicer to Fred than this guy is to you, but I think the solution is the same - cut him free. Lex
Thanks for the helpful advice for this thread. I have another one I need an opinion on.. I think it's called "Is he doing this to be a bully" or something. I'm not desperate for answerers, but I want someone I trust to give advice on it -Donald
I'm not approving of his actions or even saying that I'm right, but alot of the times when someone has severe probelms that they havent dealt with they will have several outwardly problems, like: - Getting mad at other people when they vent, because to him, your 'shit' is nothing compared to his 'shit'. - Being a prick to people - picking on the weak. - Drinking themselfs silly so they can cope with there rather painful existence. Now I do think a part of him cares about talking to you, he just doesn't know how. He should probably get help, because I want to say he probably had a very troubleing childhood he has not yet dealt with. What i would recomend to you is to be nice to yourself, and stop talking to him... If you really care though, you can try to stick in there and help him... but you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped. If you choose the later, just expect to get hurt by him.
@lilyoflife Hi hun. I haven't been on EC (as a poster) before today, for over a whole year. So I just saw your question. It has been a long time. I took Lex's advice and stopped talking to him in May of last year. This past July he added me on Facebook, and sent me a message out of the blue and asked me how I was doing. He isn't rude towards me at all now. But it's since we barely speak too. He works 8 hour days (I'm jobless) but when we do talk, conversation is either awkward silences or some conversation.
