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Gay Friends, and Gay Adolescence. Or, How To Not Crush On All Of Your Gay Friends.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by coastgirl, Nov 6, 2011.

  1. coastgirl

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    So basically I'm moving slowly but surely down the path to full self-acceptance and eventually coming out. I'm scared as hell, but every day I move a bit closer.

    Well, since making friends with a new group of girls that is predominantly gay, I've suddenly developed a case of gay adolescence. I don't know what else to call it.

    I am crushing on like 5 of these new friends at once. It's kind of distracting and I feel kind of creepy in a way. I want friends, I don't want to immediately rock the boat and jump into some relationship right now. I'm just getting used to the water. But yesterday I had lunch with one of these girls (actually I'm not sure if this one is gay or bi or straight). But I couldn't help but start to feel FEELINGS for her that were not friend feelings. And I was like "STOP!!" (internally). I mean, I feel like a creepster! She's younger than me too, I'm 27 and she's 20, so I feel a bit strange. She's not the only one, I have a major crush on one of the other girls, a moderate crush on another, and a mini-crush on another.

    Has anyone else had this happen to them??? I mean, it's like the floodgates are open, and I'm crushing on everything that moves.

    Is this normal? Will it tone down a bit? How can I stop feeling guilty about simultaneously crushing on my new friends?
     
  2. Jim1454

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    Re: Gay Friends, and Gay Adolescence. Or, How To Not Crush On All Of Your Gay Friend

    It's normal. As someone who also came out later (in my 30s) I also felt like I was feeling emotions that I should have felt in my teens - and they were extremely powerful. I felt a little out of control given I was a grown man.

    The good news is that they do subside. It isn't so much the people that drive these emotions, but the fact that you're allowing yourself to feel them for the first time. You'll get used to them, and they'll not feel quite as overwhelming.
     
  3. Ianthe

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    Re: Gay Friends, and Gay Adolescence. Or, How To Not Crush On All Of Your Gay Friend

    Yeah, what you will realize is that everybody has feelings like this all the time, only they are just used to dealing with them. You'll get used to it. You didn't have feelings like this before because you were repressing them.
     
  4. TheEdend

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    Re: Gay Friends, and Gay Adolescence. Or, How To Not Crush On All Of Your Gay Friend

    Like Jim said, its pretty normal for your emotions to got teenage-like when you first start coming out. You are pretty much allowing your brain to go through puberty all over again, which will stop after you get used to being out.

    Give it time and don't be too harsh on yourself. You probably won't be able to stop the crushes, but you can control if you act on them or not. Enjoy the emotions and don't let them control you (harder than it sounds :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:)

    Good luck! :slight_smile:
     
  5. coastgirl

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    Re: Gay Friends, and Gay Adolescence. Or, How To Not Crush On All Of Your Gay Friend

    Ha, thanks. Your replies make me feel a bit better and not so crazy! It's crazy...the mind is a powerful thing if I've been repressing all this for so long. This is why teenagers are crazy. hahha! weird.