Hi everyone I come here again because you've always helped me trough my coming out process. The issue now is... I think a girl is crushing on me... I consider myself straight-looking and every single person I come out to tells me "But you don't look gay at all!" (I'm used to it now) There's this girl who I just recently met, I often say hi to her because well... That's what you do when you see people... She added me on Facebook and shortly since she has said hi to me in a very enthusiastic way (IRL), extending her arms to hug me and then hugging me like she doesn't want to let me go. Then she always talk to me while I'm on FB using LOTS of smileys like and at the end of every sentence. She keeps asking what I like to do and that if I'm feeling down I can always go to her. She even told me if I would like to go to a club someday and recently liked some of my profile pictures on a row while I was talking to her (I asked her why and she told me "Oops I got carried away"). When she has to leave she says "I must go even thought it kills me" and sends me hugs and smileys... So... call me paranoic but I think she likes me... Now onto the difficult part. I recently came out to my family and they have been telling me I'm confused and so I can't tell them how I'm feeling because they will go "You see? That's it you're not gay!" but the problem is I don't like this girl... I mean yes, she is nice looking and has a good personality but she does nothing for my "men parts" and I certainly don't picture myself kissing her or holding her hand or even making out/having sex with her (When the time has come) (I CAN do it but why would I have to fake I like doing it when I don't?!, am I wrong because of thinking this way?) What worries me is how I'll handle this situation... I don't want to let her in because that would be cruel from me. But I wont be rude and stop talking to her. How and when should I tell her I'm not into girls? She's friends with a girl who happens to be a lesbian so I think she wouldn't shock or be disgusted but I don't want to hurt her (And what if she starts telling people because I didn't like her back?!?) HELP :bang:
im acctually in a very similar situation what i think i am going to end up doing is just talking to her in private and just telling her that im gay but pretending to act like i dont know she likes me. or if you want you could tell her you have crush on another girl out of town.(thats if you are not ready for her to know that you are gay). sorry this is all i got. best of luck
Hey - nice username. ;-) I think you've hit on a couple useful ideas already. If your family is already looking for some reason to "prove" that you're just confused or "secretly" hetero, I wouldn't mention this to them. It will only complicate a much more important process. As for what to do with this girl, I don't think you need to come out to her to let her know that you're not into her. People don't want to date other people all the time, and for a wide variety of reasons, many of which never get explained. You could be up front and just tell her you don't think it's going to happen, should the opportunity present itself. Or you could be less direct and just try to avoid direct contact with her a little, and when you do talk to her, talk to her like a friend (if you can find out about someone else that might like her, that would be gold - "hey, guess what i heard?").
I second coming out to her, and pretending you had no idea she likes you. Just play stupid, and be like, "You've become such a good friend to me, and I know you'll be supportive because of your friendship with [lesbian friend], so I wanted to tell you, I'm gay. I'm not ready to be completely out yet, but I know I can trust you." If you make the expectation of trust completely clear, she's really unlikely to spread it around. And, you really want to do this soon, before she actually makes a move on you. Or, you know, tells her friends all about how she's going to make a move on you. Because then, it will be really embarrassing for her to not have an explanation for why it didn't work out. It's a lot harder to keep a secret when people are asking you. In fact, the most likely scenario for her telling people isn't that she does so spitefully out of revenge, but rather that she's already told friends of hers how she likes you, and they'll be asking her, "Hey, so what's going on with Gravity Defyer? Is it going to work out? Did you kiss him yet?" And, because they are her friends, she'll want to tell them the truth. Depending on how emotionally invested she is in the crush, she might want support from her friends as well. You might consider specifying that she could talk to her lesbian friend about it, but that you'd rather she not mention it to anyone else. That way she would have at least one outlet. If you know her lesbian friend, you could also try coming out to her first, and getting some help and advice there. It's true that you don't have to come out to her in order to let her know you aren't interested. But it might be less painful for her, if she can tell herself it's nothing personal. It's up to you whether that's as important as you keeping your secret or not.
I'll agree with everyone else here. Just tell her. Maybe start out with a "Do you like me?" kind of conversation, then when (if?) she says yes, just inform her of your stance, but be gentle about it because it could crush her that you aren't into her. Tell her you still enjoy your friendship, etc... That's what I would do.
I got to agree with technoddot tell her whats up. The longer you keep it from her the more its going to be harder to do. Just try and be nice about it. And its not your falt if she doesnt like what you tell her. You are the way you are and there is nuthing that can change it.
Do your parents really think having a girl crush on you makes you not gay? Come on. Sure, just tell her. You don't even have to "accuse" her of crushing on you. Just tell her obliquely. Next time you chat with her, you might say "I'd like to start dating, but I don't even know where to go about finding a guy." That gets the point across without having to come out directly, or say "I think you're interested in me." Lex
Oh you'd be amazed by the things my parents think when it comes to being gay :lol: -They think I'm scared of women and thus I'm gay -They think I deliberately chose to be gay -They think I can change it, like a switch -They think ignoring the fact I'm gay it will go away -They think I'm transtorned and have a mental illness --------------------- Thanks all for the responses I think I'll tell her I'm gay... perhaps I can take advantage of the fact she said I could talk to her if I was having a hard time? That way I'll not look pretentious like "I know you like me blah blah"... Oh but everything of the above only if this signs continue to show and/or she makes a move on me...
