So as you might know, I came out to my brother shortly after my last birthday... Now I have this urge to inform my dad about it (only because im worried my mom might get really shocked from this news, she's a very emotionally-fragile person and i'm worried for her)... but at the same time, it feels weird telling my father i'm gay.. both parents are very loving and accepting, but even my dad might be so shocked, that he'll have a problem with his health (both parents have very high blood pressure and are not in their best health by far). Ive been living at home with my family ever since I graduated from University in May, and I'm moving out to an apartment in Seattle next month. Should I begin by telling my dad before then? I'm thinking that if I tell him after I move out, it will feel less awkward the first few days since I wont have to be seeing him every day... Then there's the issue of the roommates at the new apartment. 2 of them.. I dont know who the roommates will be (just college guys)... Should I inform them of my orientation before I tell my parents, or after? Either way I'll have to tell my future room-mates, since um... They'd have puzzled looks seeing that I *might* have a guy/guys come over to my room unless they knew in advance... Thanks again.
You might bring your brother on board. Just let him know you're thinking of telling your father, and see what he might think. Do know that your coming out doesn't have to be stressful for your father if you play it right. If you treat it like a huge deal, a shameful secret, a "I hate being gay" sort of way...chances are he'll treat it as such. But if you treat it more like "I'm gay, and I feel it's important to let you know" sort of way, from a place of quiet confidence...he's far less likely to be stressed out about it. As far as the roommates go, they're college students in Seattle. I can't imagine they'll freak out about having a gay guy living with them. Tell them whenever you feel like it. Lex
Thanks. I'll maybe ask my brother again before I proceed to telling my dad. Even if I tell my dad casually, he's bound to feel worried for me and of course shock is going to be an inevitability. One thing I know though.. I could trust my dad not to go telling my mom immediately, but wait until the emotional dust settles. I don't know why it's so hard, but it should be psychologically alot easier to tell my parents (the closest people; the people who brought me into existence) than strangers.. Could this mean I'm not a loving son towards them?
Like Lex said, the way you word it and say it can make a huge difference on how people react to what you have to say and that includes coming out to them. That being said, I think you have to give your parents a bit more credit. I'm sure this is not the most stressful situation that they have encountered in their lives. They are grown ups. Give them a chance to cope with it I can only talk from experience, but I find that most parents don't enjoy telling anyone, even their wife/husband, that their kid might be gay so I think its save to say that he would wait for you to tell her yourself. Just let him know that you would prefer to tell your mom yourself. I'm sure he will understand. Actually, since your parents are usually the most important in your life, we tend to leave them for last or until we are ready. When we tell other people then its whatever if they react badly, but it hurts a lot more if your parents react badly. As a side note, you might want to check out Empty Closets - Parent and Family Stages of Grief in order to learn about what you can expect from your parents or people you tell. Its usually a lot easier to handle situations knowing what you may encounter. Good luck!
Thanks alot, I'll look it up! My parents hold no dogmas about it (they dont believe in eternal damnation or hell), and even though they grew up in the USSR (a deeply homophobic society), they probably understand by now that there are gay people who are successful in life and do great things. I'll make a new thread to update you guys on when i come out to my dad.
>>>I don't know why it's so hard, but it should be psychologically alot easier to tell my parents (the closest people; the people who brought me into existence) than strangers.. Could this mean I'm not a loving son towards them? Pfft - not at all. If you tell a stranger, and he reacts poorly, you just don't talk to him again - simple enough. Not so simple with your parents. L:ex
No, you have it backwards--we are always the most worried to tell the people whose opinions matter the most to us. It's the people we love the most that are the hardest to tell. Good luck in telling your father!
If it feels too awkward to tell him face-to-face, would it be a good idea to perhaps make a phone call and matter-of-factly blurt out, "by the way dad, i'm almost fully gay.. sorry that i didnt tell you earlier.." ?
Writing it down is always better, in my opinion. It makes for a much clearer coming out situation for all parties concerned (including yourself). As for the timing... The time will choose you, I think - Thats been my experience anyway. [YOUTUBE]5whe9XtdQgw[/YOUTUBE]
Does writing it down though make reaonable sense, since for the time being I'm in the same city as my family? I agree that psychologically, it's not as burdensome to spill the beans through writing than uttering it verbally.
There really isn't a right or wrong way to come out. The best thing that you can do is to come out in a way that feels comfortable and natural to you. You can write him a letter, read the letter to him, send an email, make a phone call, text, etc. The how doesn't really matter as much as the fact that you are saying it Just as an example, I came out to my mom without planning it, in the middle of a fight and me screaming "I'm gay!" to her. It obviously wasn't the best time nor the best way to say it, but after giving her some time she has come around and fully supports me. Go for it Also, if you do end up wanting to write a letter, there are various examples of coming out letter here.
