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Coming Clean

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by sjg545, Nov 7, 2011.

  1. sjg545

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    So, it's been a while since I've posted on here but I really need some advice. Alright, so I should start off by letting you guys know of the main problem. I'm pretty sure I'm falling for my best friend and I don't really know how to deal with it. He's been one of my best friends for the past couple years, and he's gotten me through a lot. He's one of the only people I've really connected to emotionally and the fact that he's super cute doesn't hurt either. I haven't been able to get him off my mind lately and it's really been screwing with my mental health. Oh, another thing about him: I'm almost 100% sure he's gay but he isn't out. The reason I'm so sure is I was a snoop and looked at his search history once and lets just leave it at that. I'm out to him, in fact, he was the first person I ever came out to. I feel like the only way I'm going to feel better is just to confess what my feelings are to him but I really don't want to lose him and I know that's a distinct possibility. I was also just considering cutting off communication with him but I figured that's just another way of losing except I'm not getting anything off my chest. I'm glad I was able to write this and some advice would be greatly appreciated.
     
  2. Lexington

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    Why not simply tell him the truth? You don't have to go into detail, and you can sort of minimize the crush if you'd like. "I've been noticing that I might be getting some feelings for you that I'm pretty sure aren't returned. I don't want that to mess up our friendship, so I'm thinking I might have to take some time away from you for a bit to sort of let my head get back into the right place." The advantages of going this route:

    * If he IS gay, and those feelings ARE returned, it gives him a wide opening to say something.
    * If he's not (or they're not), you still sound in control of the situation. You're trying to prevent something from happening - namely, the messing up of your friendship. He most likely will consider that a good thing, and he'll probably be supportive.

    Lex
     
  3. jsmurf

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    Maybe he'll find it cute that you have a huge crush on him.. sounds like he's an accepting guy since he's still your friend despite you being fully out. :slight_smile:

    anyways, he'll probably be ok with it, as long as you don't try to seduce him or touch him inappropriately..

    ---------- Post added 7th Nov 2011 at 01:15 PM ----------

    I had a friend last year in University (we went our own ways, because of a politically ideological split that ensued, not that it matters in this conversation) , a tall lanky skinny guy my age who I was SO attracted to, and I did my best to halt any suspicions that I was really attracted to him both physically and spiritually... he probably never figured out my orientation, but i often falsely wondered whether he too might be gay and hiding it.. Wishful thinking on my part.. The only thing I had to assume this was the fact that just like me, he never had a girlfriend and never really talked about girls in my company...
     
  4. sjg545

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    You're idea was really great Lex. Thanks. I think thats the route I'm going to go.
     
  5. CrazyAntFarm

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    Just to add, even though you may have seen questionable things in his search history, it may be best not to confront about it yet. Although you are out to him, he may not be ready to come to terms with it, soooooooo if you admit your feelings, and he claims that he's straight, don't be too hurt by it. He could be in some heavy denial.