So, I'm basically out to everyone... Friends, friends' parents, some of my dad's former girlfriends, my dad and his fiancee... However, I still have yet to "officially" come out to my mom and brother. I have a strong feeling she already knows, but I don't want her to think I'm hiding it from her anymore. Thing is, I have a girlfriend... and I spend a LOT of time with her, as my mom is well aware. But, she is 38 years old (I'm only 20) and she still lives with her ex (40 years old), who now also has a new girlfriend, who is also young (in her 20s). ANYWAY. My mom saw my girlfriend's ex with her current girlfriend and asked who she was, and I told her that they're dating. She said she looked like a kid, so I told her she's in her 20s. She went on to say that there's quite an age difference between them, but didn't really go into it. So anyway, she knows I spend a massive amount of time with my "friend", and knows that I wear ties and men's underwear and that I'm very masculine... LOL. So I'm sure she's at least suspecting. Plus, she went on vacation one weekend and totally gave me the ok to have my girlfriend over -- overnight! I also spend most weekends with my girlfriend (overnight) and she doesn't seem to mind. Sooo... I feel like she's probably already aware that we're together, since we've been super close for the past 9 months, but I haven't had the "talk" with her. How do I do it? I know logically that it's generally best to talk about yourself and your sexuality before bringing up your relationship... but I'm sure she already knows about my girlfriend... and if not, then as soon as I tell her I'm into girls, she'll figure it out. I just don't want her to freak out about the age difference and such. We're both aware of the challenges it poses and we both find that if anyone can make it work, we can. We both have a high level of maturity and handle tough situations like adults, but we're also not afraid to cut loose and have fun and keep in touch with our inner child. In fact, one of the major factors that attracted me to her in the first place was her maturity and ability to handle relationships like an adult. I have had encounters with many girls my own age (many of which have expressed interest), but they are just so wild and incapable of communicating maturely. I feel like my girlfriend and I are on much more compatible than I am with any younger girls, because we appear to be on the same mental wavelength. I want my mom to know that we've thought long and hard about what our age difference implies, and that we understand it can come as a shock and are both willing to answer any and all questions she may have for us (my girlfriend has assured me that she would be more than happy to talk it through with my mom with me, as she wants to do right by her, out of care and respect for me). So my question is, how do I tell my mom that not only am I into girls, but I'm in a serious relationship with a 38-year-old woman? How do I ensure that she is not upset, and reassure her that I have control over my life and relationship? I will continue seeing my girlfriend regardless of her reaction, because I care for her deeply and am beyond happy with her, and I need to be an adult and go after the experiences I want to live... but my mom's acceptance and approval does mean the world to me. Any words of advice? P.S. It may be worthy to note that my dad was completely accepting when I told him, and he has nothing but positive things to say about my sweet, patient, understanding and socially intelligent girlfriend. However he is slightly more laid-back than my mom is, so I fear that she won't be quite as quick to accept it. I understand that it will be tough for her and may take time... but I want to make the process as easy as I can for her. Any advice you guys have to offer is much appreciated! Thanks so much in advance for your help. You guys are great. (*hug*)
You know, I don't have anything to add that you haven't already written yourself. You could simply print that out and hand it to your mom - so that she's aware of what you're worried about, what you've already thought of, and how things are already going. I think you have it under control. But the longer you leave it unsaid, the more awkward it's going to be for you. Sure - she might be surprised or upset, but only temporarily.
Instead of making an announcement, why not say something in reference to it? For instance, I've told single women they might say "I'd like to start dating, but I'd have no idea where to even find a girl." That says "I'm gay" without actually making a declaration. You're making conversation based on the situation. Similarly, you might find something to say about your girlfriend. For instance, if your parents aren't combative, you might say "I was really relieved to find out that Dad was accepting of (girlfriend's name), because I honestly had no idea how he'd react." That might not work if it would come out like you were putting your parents in competition with each other, but you might say the same thing about one of your friends. "I was really relieved to find out that Karen was accepting..." Lex
Based on what you've said, it may be a safe bet that your mom already knows. Especially since she gave her permission to have your gf stay overnit with you while she was away. It doesn't sound like she'll hve any issues with you being into girls or with the age difference between you & your gf. It seems like she's already got a good handle on it all already! Good luck tho, I think that you haven't got much to worry about! (*hug*)
I agree with kiersten - your mom probably already knows, or at least heavily suspects. In any case, I'd make a point of telling her soon, before she hears it from other people (or more people than she already has). As for making it about you, and not just about your girlfriend, the fact that you're already thinking about it is a good start. I suspect the conversation will drift there on its own, and you can be ready to assert whatever you feel like you need to. The "are you sure it's not just a phase" or "what if it's just this person" questions are simply way too common for them to stay buried for long.
