So I'm barely out of the closet but I've been in love with my best friend for more than 10 years. Unfortunately, she is completely straight. I have been contemplating the idea of telling her that I'm gay. She is not going to be very supportive and one of the major reasons why I have not come out before. I went to her today with the idea of telling her but couldn't bring myself to telling her. Any advice???
A few thoughts. * If you're positive she won't be supportive, she shouldn't be your best friend. * Best to give her a chance to prove herself. Tell her. I'd avoid the "and I've been in love with you for over a decade" bit. Just say "I'm gay, but we're good enough friends that I feel I can tell you this." * She isn't the love of your life. Trust me on that one. Lex
Lex made a good point. You don't have to tell her how you feel about her if you come out to her. That's really up to you when or if you want to do that. Also, if she's your best friend I think she'd have a very hard time cutting ties with you for any reason.
Hey, Yennydiez. Congrats on coming out. But what Lex says in his third thought is true. You've known her for a whole decade, a decade to get to know each other and it's that "bond" between the two of you that's causing you to have these feelings. It's okay to love her, but only as your best friend. Remember, she's your best girl friend, not the best girlfriend. I've seen my share of friends confusing this kind of love, and seriously, it's one that's not easy to come to terms with. What makes you think that she won't be supportive of you being gay, though? Has she said as much about anyone else, acquaintance or stranger, that she disapproves of it? You're going to have to tell her at some point, best to get it over with as soon as you are able to. Good luck.
Thanks for your replies! Its comforting to know that others understand me. Well my friend very often makes jokes about being gay and has told me that that is something that she can not comprehend. She believes that it is a person's choice to be like that. I've tried for years to educate her that its not a choice or a disease it just is what it is. I think she has come a long way since way back when I first met her but I don't think she is there yet. My own insecurities is what keeps me from telling her. I can't imagine not being able to call her and talk to her because she disagrees with my lifestyle. The other side of the coin is that I feel like I can't share one of the most important part of my life. This has been a hard journey and I have just started, and it upsets me that I can't share it with her. I would definately never tell her that I have been in love with her but I do want to be able to tell her that I'm gay. I wrote a letter and was hoping to give it to her as every time I try to do it in person I can't. Y
Listen to Lex here cause I've been in your situation. And if you're sure she's your best friend, don't underestimate the bond you have with her. Why don't you think she'll be supportive? And a decade of loving someone is going to be hard to just let go, but you have to start letting go now. If not, I'm afraid you're setting yourself up for a BIG fall here. I'm also saying this from experience.
My brother was pretty big on the fag jokes until I came out. At which point, they stopped. Sometimes, people need in their immediate circle to come out before they'll rethink their position. The fact that your friend has made strides suggests that she probably will be one of these as well. She might have a bunch of questions, and some lingering inaccuracies, but chances are she'll come around eventually. Lex
Having you come out to her will definitely make the biggest difference. If that won't do it, nothing will, and it's probably better to find it out now anyway. It would be really bad for you to be in the closet forever--so someday, she's going to know. And if she can't accept you, you are better off investing in friendships that can survive your coming out. Seriously, though, the most likely response is, "I didn't mean you!"
