New to the site but a "gender identity" question i could really use help with

Hey, I'm a psychology major too! Welcome to the site

Well first of all, you seem to be wrestling with the question, "am I transgender" and I have a literal answer to that question, and a round-about vague answer to the question I assume you were intending to ask.

So, if you are asking if you are transgender, I would say almost certainly that you are. Transgender is a very large umbrella term that basically includes pretty much anybody who doesn't it inside the traditional gender norms of society. This includes but is not limited to cross dressers, drag queens, drag kings, transsexuals, gender queers, and bigenders. Sorry if I forgot anyone...

So, at the least you seem to have an interest in dressing up in women's clothing, and since you identify as straight in your info that would say that at the last you would probably qualify as transgender as a cross dresser.

Now, I assume what you were really meaning to ask is if you are transsexual, which is basically someone who basically feels like their mind/soul/spirit/brain is more so that of the other sex. That, I cannot answer for you. Unfortunately, its really something you have to figure out on your own. Its something I really haven't figured out for myself yet.

So, I wish I had some more advice for you. I really understand how you feel, and if you ever want to talk more you can shoot me a message any time and I'd love to chat more.

Best of luck =)

 

In addition to Jon Snow's, ideas, I wanted to point out that most college/universities have counselling services available for students for relatively cheap, sometimes for free for the first few visits or so. You might be able to afford more than you think. Plus several counselling centers, depending on the type of university you're at, have people who specialize in working with lgbt people and issues, so you shouldn't have to worry about finding someone who will "get" you.

Let us know how things progress! Glad you joined the site.

 

Oh yeah, all this too. Plus I'm taking a class called queer studies which is in a totally accepting environment and covers all kind of stuff about gender roles, gender identity, gender construction, gender everything. There's a T in LGBT for a reason and like I said, transgender covers a lot of stuff. You shouldn't feel awkward about seeking out the use of your college's LGBT resources and trying to involve yourself in the community.

Plus I know for my school I can get free counseling... In fact I should probably take advantage of it... but I don't.

 

I can only echo what everyone else has said but I wanted to wish you luck in figuring everything out.
Faustus.

 

Thanks. Let us know if you have trouble finding something.

 

Congratulations on both counts! And welcome to EC. You've come to the right place for sure. We can't necessarily answer all your questions. You will have to do that for some of them yourself. But we can certainly help, and support you along the way.

 

Would be this upset if people were more accepting?

 

With regards to your new question, I'm probably not going to be much help since I've told graphic accounts of when someone tried to kill me to complete (non-psychologist) strangers and have no concept of what is personal, but I'll attempt to answer it anyway.

I've been in counseling for most of my life because of my Asperger's Syndrome, so I've gotten used to telling things about myself to strangers; I even think it's fun. You need to get into the mindset that the psychologists are not socializing with you, so you don't need to worry about social rules and consequences of you telling them strange things. The psychologists are like your doctors; just as a doctor won't get grossed out or make fun of you if you tell him about that boil on your butt, a psychologist won't be upset if you explain about your deep feelings.

I hope this helps.

 

Hey there Pheonix!

Sorry it took me so long to comment on your thread. :icon_redf

Well I had my first meeting with a doctor yesterday (I know it dosn't count as counselling, but I had to explain everything to her, so it's kinda the same)

I must say - it's the first time I've seen a doctor in my life - aside from when I was born - and it was one of the best days of my life for the past 7 years. I'm not sure about your circumstances, or personal needs, but I know that seeking professional help with this, was one of the best things I could ever have done , and I hope it turns out to be just as helpful and rewarding for you.


In regards of what to say to the councillor:

I know it can be hard - nail-bitingly so, to even try and decide how your going to open up the conversation. I was in such a panic before my appointment, that I posted a thread on here urgently asking for help, and my mum wanted to know why the hell I was still on the computer 2 minutes before we had to leave .

• The hardest part I found was simply beginning the conversation.....once you get started, if this really is an issue you need help with - you'll tend to find that the words just tumble out of your mouth - and if they don't - don't worry. Your talking to a trained professional who has been trained to listen to people. Explaining things to a counseller is nothing like explaining them to a friend - because dinniesaur said - you arn't trying to socialise with the counsellor. You don't need to worry about their feelings, or what might be considered socially appropriate or not (not that it stopped me saying "sorry" every second word to mine). Just be yourself. Even if that self is a stuttering nervous wreck - the most important thing is to present the counsellor with your situation - and if your situation is making you a nervous stuttering wreck, then that is what he/she needs to see. :icon_bigg
  
• The best thing you can do, is try to calm yourslef before the appointment (listen to music, take a shower, play a game) - whatever will take your mind off things and let you vent any fears/anticipations you have.
  
• Go into the session with a clear idea of what you want to get out of it. Do you want a professionals opinion in whether or not you may be Trans? Or are you there to come to terms with what beng Trans might mean? Do you information about transitioning? Do you have conflicted feelings about the whole issue? - Consider what it is that you want most out of the meeting.
  
• Make a list of what you think are the most important things about your situation - including a breif summary of how you came to the conclusion that your trans. Remember the counsellor won't have some kind of 'trans-dar' they'll still need a rough explanation of why you see yourself in this light - even if they can detect it more readily than others. Having a checklist of points will also keep the discussion on track - and avoid it dissolving into rambling - or letting the counsellor take the reigns. Although ultimately your looking for their help - they can't help you properly until they fully understand your situation - so don't be afraid to dominate the conversation - at least for the first session.
  
• Take along a paper copy of a document explaining your current position - and all of the things you'd like the counsellor to address. You should give this to them at the end of the meeting, once you've had a shot at explaining things yourself, and if they had any trouble understanding the situation - they can refer to this document later. This is a very important step, as it allows the counsellor, the ability to go back an clarify any misunderstanding they may have had during the session. If you want an example of what I mean - have a look at this post - http://emptyclosets.com/forum/937704-post1.html - I took this along to my appointment yesterday, and my doctor said she'll read over it and discuss it with me at my next appointment.

Anyway - I wish you the best of luck - I'm sure things will feel exponentially better after your appointment. Sometimes all we need is to feel that medical professionals do care about our issues, and really do want to help.

Make sure you post an update after your session I'm sure we'd all love to hear about it, good or bad.

And I'd like to extend a personal invite - any time that you need someone to talk to - whether it be TG stuff or how bad the weather is - feel free to drop me message via my wall. I think it's awesome that there's another MTF on this site, the same age as me, who seems to be in a similar predicament - so I want to make it clear that you can contact me personally at any hour of the day.



Just a thought to ponder over, because I'm having trouble deciding as well, would you prefer to talk to a man or a woman? I guess if you've already decided that you are TG - it may be easier to talk to a woman, but consider that a male counciller (especially if he's heterosexual and cisgendered) may be a good point of comparison to establish just how Trans you come across as....

Just a thought - I've been pondering.


_

 

Congratulations on coming out to someone! Your counselor does sound very different from you. And it shouldn't be him deciding if you are transgender. That should be you!

 

Very interesting. Thanks for sharing!

 

...lol gatekeeping psychologist assholes =/. If you're TG you're TG you're TG, no other possibilities ifs ands or buts.

 

Sorry Pheonix - I'm really late with this reply. Hope things have been travelling well with you.

As for telling my parents. No I have not....

Unfortunately I'm in the odd sort of position where I seem to be leaning towards Trans, but every now and then something pops up to make me think I'm wrong. So I end up just feeling bi-gendered, and incredibly confused.

That's the main reason I havn't told my parents. I want to be sure I'm Trans, and take strength in that sure-ness - before I even think of confronting my parents with this. Not like (as you mentioned) they make it any easier by constantly referring to me as "their son" or "young man". <-<

Anyway - if you ever need to chat about this stuff - drop me a Wall Message.

---------- Post added 23rd Nov 2011 at 09:50 PM ----------

Oh and those questions are interesting...I'd have to say I'd go with 50-50 for the last one. Because honestly that's how I feel.

Just a bit of postulating though - I wonder what they were fishing for with that question? I mean....you could look at it this way. If your really trans, you'd think of yourself as female....hence you'd have a greater likelyhood to put more emphasis on "not being male". But equally, seeing as you currently present as male externally - it wouldn't be unreasonable to think that you'd want to be a woman more than you'd want to "not be male"......


Very interesting questions.

---------- Post added 23rd Nov 2011 at 09:57 PM ----------

it's interesting though...

You all responded negatively to the psycholigsts question - but I think he's got a fair point... I myself havn't had the kind of epiphany everyone else seems to have yet. So far I've only gone "I might be trans" or "I might be a girl inside" and I find myself asking similar questions to the psych's. "Am I really a girl? Or do I just have a feminine streak?" because I do think he has a point, everyone, male or female - have masculine or feminine traits. But you have to remember that this dosn't dictate you GENDER. Hence how you can have a masculine-trait girl (tomboy) and a feminine-trait boy (no idea what you call that...). And that's without even going into sexuality.

I understand a lot of the anger that gets directed at the gate-keeping crap. Hell if I make up my mind someday - and a psych wants to try and tell me what I am, I'll defenestrate him. But I still get the feeling this one might have been slightly less malicious. Maybe I'm naive. But I've been asking myself similar questions.


LOL Perhaps I'm my own gatekeeper :S