So late in high school I started wondering about my sexuality. I was pretty positive I liked girls, but I got to thinking I might have it in me to be attracted to the occasional guy as well. That went on for a few months and then I met my current girlfriend. She was a little chubby when we started dating, but that was okay with me - Ive never been into the aneroxic-girl trend, and curves on a girl don't hurt. Its been about 2 years now. Since then shes gained a significant amount of weight, but until recently that hasnt bothered me much of any. We had an awesome sex-life in my opinion, and I didn't care much about the looks. These last fw months though, Ive lost a good majority of my attraction to her. I think its more about being healthy than looks for me; that and it bugs me a little to see her not exerting more self-control. Anyways, for me I don't notice other people sexually (either gender) when I'm in a relationship (or sometimes when I'm just really crushing on one person). As soon as I started losing sexual interest my curiosity about guys came back. Honestly I've thought much more about guys than any girls (including my gf...) in the last few weeks, and its starting to sound like I've been bi all along. So here's the problem: I'm in a relationship that logically I know was great before and could be again (even if she stays at the weight she's at now!) but in the moment not only am I not into it, but I feel like exploring this whole new side of myself that I don't know. I'd be really excited about this if I wasn't already in a realtionship. :bang: Also, if we do stay together, how do I tell her about this? Breaking the news that I lost interest in her and discovered that I like dudes while we were dating doesn't sound fun... And of course, the best friend I would tell if this were anything else also happens to be my gf's best friend too (we're in a close knit little friend group). Gah, sorry for the :tantrum: I hope I dont sound materialistic here, I really care about her and wish I could find her attractive again, its just not there. Maybe I'm overcomplicating this... :help:?
" Breaking the news that I lost interest in her and discovered that I like dudes while we were dating doesn't sound fun." You're right, if you do tell your GF you need to let her know that it isn't because she isn't attractive for that it's because SHE turned you this way. I would make it more about you, and you may feel a bit selfish doing this, but I think it will soften the blow. I would tell her straight up, pardon my pun, that you are bi -- I think if someone told me that they thought they were bi or were becoming bi with uncertainty would hurt more than someone telling me that they were bi. Why? Because it may lead me to think that, "Oh, so you weren't sure when you dated me.. what did I do?" It's complicated and I don't think my advise was all too great but good luck out there!
here's one thing that you said that really stood out to me:"I'd be really excited about this if I wasn't already in a realtionship." you didnt say: "omg, why am i like this, why am i thinking about dudes. this sucks. im terrible, i want to hide in a corner." you said you would be excited about it if you weren't in a relationship. personally to me that means that you really want to explore but you don't want to hurt your girlfriend. my advice is that you're young. you owe it to yourself to explore your feelings. who knows you may not even like guys. it may be something that was just a curiousity. right now you're not intot he relationship. you can stick it out if you want and that would be great too since you've been together for 2 years. but if you stick it out, then i mean, she has to help too. she has to try adn lose some weight. but i think you are going to start thinking about guys throughout your relationship maybe and it will keep coming back up. i think that if you want to take a little break then that's good and ok. if you want to work it out, go for it and work it out and see if you can be supportive with her weight loss. but it sounds like the weight isn't really the issue because you said you could even stay in the relationship under the current poundage. so to me it sounds like you may really want to explore guys. whatever you decide to do, make sure you are not suffering in misery to make someone else happy. relationshiops take 2 and she's really teh only one in the relationship, then that's not going to end up helping anyone.
It's possible that this has nothing to do with her weight, and is rather because, after two years, the relationship just isn't as new and intense as it used to be. That would be a better perspective to take when talking to her about it. Other than that, I think you can just be honest with her about what's going on.
Thanks folks, each one of you has given me something to think about by posting Its just a lot to take in. I do want to explore, that much is clear. At the same time this relationship makes so much sense in so many ways. Besides the history and the fact that we're really close friends anyways, she has certain features that I'm unlikely to find in another partner. Specifically, I'm thinking that while we're both going into fairly high-earning career fields, we've talked about sacrificing a big portion of our income if we ended up together to give to foreign aid (something thats really important for me, and that not everyone is that concerned with). I know we're young, but it really seemed like a relationship that could last. Hell, my grandparents all got married younger, and after shorter dating periods.. I want to thank Ianthe for her suggestion in particular. This definitely isnt all about weight, things really have been fizzling in other areas. I'm going to have to start talking to her about it in those terms (*gulp*).
Hi, I think you should tell your girlfriend the truth about your desire to explore your sexuality - you might explain the fizzling to her in that context, and for god's sake, leave out the part about her weight! If you frame it just right, you will be able to exit the relationship with minimal pain for both of you, and it may even bring you closer. I personally (see my other posts) would feel very honored and gratified if a partner felt I was trustworthy enough to share something so intimate rather than hiding it from me. She can't feel rejected if you're not rejecting her.
Weight is a lot more complicated than just self-control. Our bodies are complex metabolic systems, and our minds are even more complex. There are a lot of different reasons for someone to gain weight, and many are not within a person's control.
This helped me a lot too so thanks as well. It's cool to actually SEE that someone is sort of in the same situation. I just have to talk to the dude now...wish both of us luck!
