I am a closeted homosexual who no one would expect to be gay. I am kind of friends with a gay kid who lives in my dorm at college. I do not know if I want to be in a relationship with this kid, but the desire to hook up with someone who I am physically attracted to is becoming stronger and stronger. How can I let him know that I am gay and looking for someone to be with without risking everyone in my dorm finding out I am gay? I am not ready to come out of the closet but I strongly desire physical intimacy. I don't just want to pull him aside one day, say I am gay and ask if he wants to be with me. Yet at the same time it would be impossible to flirt with him without people in my dorm finding out. What should I do?
Take it one step at a time. Tell him you would like to talk to him alone, and come out to him privately. Tell him that you are still coming to terms with it, and you aren't ready for other people to know. Outing people is a serious taboo for gay people, so it's unlikely that he'll do that, especially if it's clear that he's one of the first people you've ever told. Once you're out to him, it'll be easier to figure out what to do next. You can start by just hanging out with him more. But anyway, don't think of coming out to him and trying to be with him as being the same thing. First, just come out to him.
are you guys roomies? that would make things easier. let's face it, people in the dorms find out everything. sounds like you got the hots for this guy and you want some no strings attached action. what you can do is try and be cool with him. hang out with him or invite him to hang (outside the dorm). start being friends with him so you can see if he is a gossipy type of person or if he can keep his mouth shut about things. you will be able to tell when you hang around him. then if you get some alone time with him (possibly off campus) something can happen. if you are seen going into his dorm room for long extended periods of time or him in yours, someone is going to suspect something. look, as i remember, people hook up all the time in these dorms. probably guys hooking up too but i never saw anythinng like that. most of the pepole i know got busy off campus where they could have some private time or if they really wanted something private they would mess with people in the local area that didn't go to the school ---------- Post added 9th Nov 2011 at 12:13 AM ---------- one other thing to thing about is that you never mention you want a relationship, sounds like you want to explore physical stuff. here's the thing. if you mess with this guy you have to be sure that he is cool with just something physical. if he isn't then you're going to have drama on your hands. he coudl start trying to come to your dorm room, etc. it could get ugly. there's an old saying that dogs dont poop where they sleep. you may consider the same for you and your situation. he could be someone that actually falls for you and then you're going to have to deal with that. just keep that in mind.
