So, I read Jon Snow's thread "Gender Expression" and it really got me thinking. Despite having a horrible time trying to find decent definitions on what some terms mean (I'm fourteen, it's hard to understand some of this stuff!), my mind is processing what I already know and pulling it together in terms I can understand (if that makes any sense). Though I still have absolutely no idea what I would be classified as (not that I'm too worried, labels are annoying), I can lay everything that I know out. Maybe all of you can help me dissect everything. When I was younger, I played with cars when I wsa younger, but I played with dolls too. It was all a big matter of what I was given; if they handed it too me, I played with it. Because people always say "oh it's a girl, let's buy her dolls!" Lucky, my grandmother had a brother and we got all of his toy cars, as they were pretty entertaining too. That gave me the thought that I never cared what I played with, as long as I wasn't bored! As I got older (like 4-8) I ran around without a shirt have the time. My mother didn't care if I was a girl ('cause she knew I'd take it off even if she didn't let me ), at least until I was nine. Then she told me I need to start acting like a young girl/lady. >.< But I would play in mud, I'd play with dolls, I crawl through grass and play soccer or hide-and-seek or this or that and nobody cared what sex I was. I didn't even mind wearing dresses! But then I hit nine and everybody started trying to tie me down into being a "young girl". I hated it. I miss the freedom I used to have. People started trying to tell me I had to sit a certain way because I was a girl! Meh. Anyway, here I am, typing this now, at fourteen. The dresses are horrendously short and sparkly (or even long, but still pretty sparkly) or show a lot or make me puke. Some people like these, but I would never put one on. The only type of dresses I like (and always have like) were the long, flowy, simple, country style dresses (without any frill or lace). The ones that entertained me because whenever I spun around in circles it'd puff out. And now I'm told that I can't sit like the stereotypical guy because I'm a girl and I have to sit with my legs crossed and the perfect posture and all this nonsense. A good bit of girl's clothing now-a-days makes me gag because it shouldn't be on a 14 (or 12/13/15) year old. All of the (girl's) jeans you see can't just be plain old jeans, they have to be skinny or sparkly or able to suffocate you. Despite physical body parts and society's view, I'm learning how to crochet and I love it! I enjoy sewing too, and have tried knitting (though that one hasn't worken yet). These are stereotypical girl's activities. Yet I'm also learning how to skateboard (that is, when it get's warmer). Since I don't think I missed anything, and I can't remember it atm if I did, I'm going to say one thing. I think I'd be an awesome slighty effeminate guy. If anyone can help me out here, add your own opinions, or whatever, it'd be awesome. Danke!
I'd say you're on a pretty good track :3 You make me smile. Anyway, all I really have to point out at this point is that knitting was originally exclusively male - it's simply been snatched up by women and completely conquered!
I'd say just keep being you. Eventually (maybe not too much longer) you'll be able to dictate what you want to wear - and if it's back to pants all the time, so be it. You're comfortable being you, from the sounds of it. I don't sense any kind of strong inner conflict between who you feel you are and your physical gender. But is that what you're getting at when you say you think you'd be an awesome slightly effeminate guy? I think you're awesome just the way you are.
Knitting used to be exclusively male?! That's amazing! Awww yay! I feel special! Due to a high dislike to my female body parts (on me only, of course), I figure since I still enjoy certain [stereotypical] girl activites and such else, I would probably make a good slightly effeminate guy, because I wouldn't be near masculine enough in my personality to fit the role of a [stereotypical] guy. At least not all the time! So in a way (if we're on the same train of thought here), I was getting at the fact that I dislike being physically female, but my personality and such doesn't really fit either of the gender roles very well. I feel special again! Thanks guys!
OK - I didn't get from your first post that you don't like your female body parts. Have you considered counselling? Perhaps your family could arrange for you to meet with someone. You don't necessarily need to disclose what exactly you'd like to talk about, but that you have some personal stuff that is bothering you, and that you'd like to talk to a professional. You strike me as being bright and mature, and could likely make this kind of request of your parents.
I can ask my mother easily, but she'll probably inquire me on what it's about. Also, there really aren't many conselors or therapists around where I live. I guess it's worth a shot though. Sorry about not clarifying that I don't like my physical female parts. I originally had it written out, but then rewrote it, and must have accidentally taken it out.
Which terms are you still struggling with understanding? Give us a list, we can try to help you. I wanted to tell you before in your other thread, where you mentioned that you find your period really distressing, but I forgot: there are types of birth control that can stop menstruation. You might look into that. I thought you were thinking of talking to your school counselor? I've already given you some suggestions about how to get your mom to take you to counseling.
@Ianthe It isn't necessarily not understanding them, it's that there are so many of then (androgynous, genderqueer, transgender, transsexual, bi-gender, two-spirited, asexual) I don't think I know all of them and I definitely don't know the differences between some of them. I've thought of the birth control option, but my sister takes it and I've heard her mention that it's not exactly healthy and can cause you to gain wait. Being a teen, I struggle to eat healthy and keep a healthy weight the way it is, as I'm, slowly but surely, going vegetarian (This keeps me away from most of the fast foods, but I still use/drink regular milk/other dairy products and the only meat I do eat is tuna.) I may still talk to my [old] school's conselor, but I don't know how LGBT friendly she is, or how helpful she'd be. I mean, they don't have a lot of LGBT kids in that school, at least not that I know of. I am considering you suggestions, trust me. But I'd honestly much rather tell her virtually nothing, at least not until I do talk with someone.That probably sounds weird, but I really have little trust in my mother when it comes to talking about very private information. She likes to talk a lot about everything and it's just something I'd prefer her not to know. I don't want her to freak out and start worrying a lot because I feel like she'd go all mushy gushy comforting way when I really don't want her to (I never been the extremely emotional, "curl up and cry" kind of person), or possibly yell at me. I'd much prefer talking to a conselor that is supposed to not talk to anyone about what you say, unless you ask them to (I guess?). Also, sorry if it seems like I completely forgot about your advice; I really didn't.
