Hi! im new to the forum, but needed to post this, any advice would be appreciated. I came out to my mother yesterday, I had my boyfriend over to hang out for a bit as my "friend", but my mother who apperently knew i wasn't straight (i'm bi, but she assumed gay) and was quite rude when greeting him, when he went to my room i asked why. She said she wasn't sure she was ready to meet my BF. We talked a bit, she was clearly hiding being upset, but seemed to be more annoyed i didnt tell her sooner as she said she was waiting for me to tell her. But she still seemed.. cold (for lack of a better word) in the brief encounter i had with her. She told my dad last night and i talked to him today. He took it bad. called it a fad. that im not to go telling everyone cause it could "ruin" my life, and that im not to mention it infront of my little bro/sis. But i didnt really care to much about his reaction initially. But its getting to me now. I feel like.. my home just.. isnt my home anymore. I just dont know how to deal with it. My friends and BF are all being amazingly supportive though.But i still feel quite down about it all. If you read through all that mess, thank you.
I think he'll come around, especially as time passes and it becomes more obvious that it is not just a "fad." Some people don't take this sort of news very well, and it seems all too common for them to be parents. Anyway, I wouldn't be surprised if your mother's hard at work on him whenever you aren't around
Welcome to EC! The only way to prove to your parents that something isn't a passing fancy is...yep, time. So just continue being bisexual until they realize it ain't going away. Lex
You've been working through this issue for some time, probably years. Your parents are only dealing with the reality of it now. Whenever anyone suffers a loss (in this case, the loss of the identity of their son as straight), there are phases that people go thorugh in processing it. denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. So your mom's coldness is probably in the "anger" phase, and your dad's "it's a phase" sounds like "bargaining"... i.e., "OK, so he likes guys now but I'm sure he'll come around to liking girls eventually." The good news is, they're talking to you, they're being as supportive as they know how at the moment, and they aren't threatening to throw you out or send you to straight camp or anything... so as Lex said, you just live your life, and eventually they'll come around. Probably sooner than later.
Your parents reacted pretty similarly to mine, although arguable quite better and opposite roles. My father was clearly disappointed, but he didn't really say much about it. My mom was devastated and angry. Told me it was worse then her dad dying, made me swear not to tell my sisters, blamed me for hurting her, all kind of crazy stuff. We still haven't talked about it since and it'll be a year since I told her next month =( Still, I think most people come around quicker than that.
It just breaks my heart to hear stories about parents reacting in any kind of negative way to their children coming out. It was easy for us to accept my son, I suppose because we're pretty open-minded people. But even with that I know he had a hard time working up the courage to tell us. So remember that it took courage to come out to your parents and that tells me that you'll be strong enough to have the patience for them to come around and accept you just as you are. You are wonderful! Don't forget that! Anyway, give them time and keep being true to yourself. I believe these things work out in the end. (*hug*)
I'd only echo MamaFugs' sentiments. Be true to yourself; never lose sight of your own personal integrity, dignity and sense of personhood. ("I am a person! I am worthy!") Someone once told me: Look out for number one and number one is yourself. That is the best piece of advice I can give you. Hope everything works out for you. Feel free to write to me in the meantime. Best, Faustus
Hey guys. Cheers for the responses. Really helps I had a good long talk with my mom today about it. She seems okay now. Still registering it, but understands the situation better. Gave the "i thought we had a good relationship, you could've told me" speech. But i explained how its not the easiest thing to talk about and how i had to figure it all out in my head before i could tell her.. My dad will require more time. But i told her there's plenty of resources online for him and to come chat with me when he's ready. Overall, it was a great chat. Things are getting better
