Okay, so I came out as a lesbian and I'm reeeeally out there, but I've been having a hard time meeting a girl. Every girl I know it's straight as an arrow. I don't want to get involved with them, I hear they're trouble. So, here I am. Out and... for what? I feel isolated and that perhaps I shouldn't have come out. I have no hopes of getting a girl ever, and am too scared of actually being inside the community. I fear judgement and rejection. Now being single... I don't even feel that gay. What do I do?
I know exactly how you feel but don't think you will never meet someone. It doesn't matter if your gay straight or whatever floats your boat meeting people is difficult. Keep your head up hey your out so that's good for when you get involved with someone you won't have to hide it! It's hard but believe me there is someone out there who was made to love you!
I know how you feel. I realized I was gay, and I've started to come out. And what happens? Absolutely nothing. Honestly, being gay narrows down your options with dating significantly. It goes from half the population, to a minority of the other half. But, that's to be expected. We don't realize we aren't straight so we can have more options. We realized this because it's who we are. I'm also having doubts about myself now, but it's only because I don't really have a way to know for sure (kissing a guy, etc.). But that doesn't mean I'm not. Don't lose faith in yourself. You know who you really are inside. As for the fear of judgment, of course you feel that way. You are now "different", right? Well, turns out there are a lot of others like you, too. You aren't alone. Even if you have to go outside of your comfort zone to find them (your town, area, etc.), you will find acceptance. It is surprising how accepting people can be, actually. When I came out, I was horrified of being judged and made fun of. But, all I got were smiles and love. Even if you can't find a girlfriend now, the opportunity will present itself. I hope I've helped. Good luck to you and everything you do.
I understand how you're feeling. It's hard to be out without someone by your side. But being gay is about who you are (like the others have said), not about who you date. For instance, a straight guy is straight regardless of if he is dating a girl or not. Take this time to get to know yourself more and learn to fully love yourself. Healthy relationships only occur after each person loves themselves so you might as well take advantage of this time. For me, I was always hoping to find a woman to love. But now I realize I'm not even comfortable enough in my own skin to love myself fully, much less love someone else as much as they deserve. I'd be terrified to hold their hand, etc. So now is the time for me to broaden my friendship horizons and learn to accept myself. Maybe you could explore that some too. Eventually you'll feel more comfortable hanging out with gay people and you'll feel good enough even without a girlfriend. Being okay with singleness and accepting yourself for you is so much more satisfying than being in a relationship where you feel like someone else is giving you your self-worth. But yeah, it's totally possible to not have sex or a girlfriend and still be gay. Try to not worry too much about finding a girlfriend. Someday you'll find someone who will love you. Just love yourself first. *hugs* ---------- Post added 10th Nov 2011 at 04:13 AM ---------- *someone who will love you and you'll love too.
Pretend you met a girl and dated her, and really enjoyed the relationship. You couldn't imagine being with anyone else, and loved her dearly. Obviously, you're a lesbian! ... Now pretend she ends the relationship. Are you no longer a lesbian? The answer is "of course I'm still a lesbian". Well, there you go. If you like women and identify as a lesbian, then you're a lesbian even when you're single. Maybe try to connect with local GLBT organizations, clubs, etc? You're here, which is good; this is a GLBT community, even if it is online, and gives you a place to talk about GLBT issues. But maybe a real-life place to go will help you, also.
I certainly hope being gay isn't dependent on being sexually active... :lol: But yeah, it's all about what you're attracted to, what you look forward to, what you dream about. None of which necessarily has to be playing out at every given moment. I understand the "so what did I do this for" impulse though. For me it always comes down to the fact that, even if I'm not "getting anything out of it" at the moment, I'm still so much happier being honest and working on it than I would be pretending it wasn't there.
of course. i'm a virgin with no form of love, sexual or relationship experience where i haven't even been up to bat yet. being gay is what you're attracted to. you can have sex with the opposite sex, masturbate to the opposite sex, and etc all you want but it's not going to change what you're attracted to innately.
I feel or had once felt the same way as you on everything you said. That said, you should know that people like us aren't doomed to be forever single unless we doom ourselves by not even trying. You've got to at least try. It's really, really hard to leap that first hurdle--I know this from experience.
Absolutely we are gay even if we're celibate, just like people are straight and celibate. We don't need to have sex to know our sexuality. I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time, but I applaud you on being out! That is really good and should make finding a woman much easier. It only seems logical that you'll have much better chances finding a woman since you're out, but she hasn't come your way yet. I really hope you do find a great woman soon. On a side note, some crazy people say being gay is like alcoholism and we just need to remain celibate and we'll be ok. That's such shit though because someone will never become an alcoholic if they never drink alcohol, but a gay person is gay whether they have sex or not. Most people come to realize their sexuality based on who they find attractive, not based on who they have sex with.
And just think about how many people realize that they aren't straight in whatever way before they ever have sex? If celibacy negated homosexuality and all the rest, virgins would not be gay As I am a virgin and gay (and transgendered, and otherkin >.>), evidently celibacy does not negate homosexuality.
Yes, you can. Wikipedia says "Sexual orientation describes a pattern of emotional, romantic, and/or sexual attractions to the opposite sex, the same sex, both, or neither, and the genders that accompany them." Nowhere does it say that you can't be a virgin. Also, have you tried checking out nearby LGBT groups? There's probably one nearby where you can meet girls your age. Some centers even have dances
