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The hardest thing i've ever said to HER

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MommaFrog, Nov 9, 2011.

  1. MommaFrog

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    Warning, this is lengthy...

    Her: i know the guy like the back of my hand, and i know him better than you ever will. of course i would know enough to be able to crack into his account. the only reason we had any issues since the terry thing (which was an overreactment. i was drunk with aaron, him and me down in the basement. she showed up uninvited while i was in the bathroom. when i came back down i heard him say she needed to leave that she wasn't invited and then she kissed him. I flew into the room. grabbed my cell phone and text you. ended up calling you. ) ok i got off subject. the only issues that we have had since is victoria and some sarah bitch claiming he's in love with them and they want me to leave him. so on and so forth. they said they were talking to him through facebook. i hacked. and i got in. no he has not been saying that stuff.

    Me: wow, that was kinda bitchy... i was just trying to be supportive and nice

    Her: How big a bitch do you think I am?

    Me: Lately you have done little but hurt me and every rational thought in my head told me to cut myself away from you completely for awhile. However, my heart will not allow it. I tried to have a meaningful conversation with you, about my sexuality and my feelings, and you wanted to rant about James. You tell me you are toying with him, I accept this, you tell me you will explain it in person, and I accept this. Then seemingly out of nowhere all of your issues with him weren’t real. They were ploys from Mitch and Terry. So, this means you have been lying to me ((The Terry issues for example, you let me believe something that wasn’t true)). Aside from that you have said things along the lines of “I’m afraid of allowing myself to love who I really love because of my family” and I know they adore James. So, for awhile, I had a false sense of hope, which also hurt. I think you have this deep seated fear you are going to be alone, so you cling to relationships you know are bad simply since you wont be alone even tho you are beautiful amazing and can do soooo much better. So Basically, yes, you can be a “big” bitch, but I don’t think you do it on purpose, so its not your fault. And like I said, there are times everyone is bitxhy, im sure this comes across as bitchy, but I know no other way to say it. I would probably put you in the normal bitch level since you usually don’t realize your doing it.






    what, if anything could i, should i, have said differently... I couldn't lie to her about the fact that she was hurting me anymore... I just... IDK
     
  2. MommaFrog

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    and now we are fighting... I think it could be the end of our friendship.....

    Her: • I did tell you afterwards that the Terry thing was taken out of proportion. I remember it specifically because you said you'd never accept me dating ---- and that you'd rather me date ---- or ---- again. Most of my relationship stuff I try to refrain from telling you because of how you feel and you have stated before that it hurts you. Hurting you is the last thing I want to do. You're my best friend. And that i don't want to lose you as. No, I don't cling to bad relationships. Except for the ---- thing. That was bad. Let's not bring that up.
    As far as your sexuality. I am perfectly fine with you being gay. I support you 200 percent. And I'd go walk in the gay pride parades with you. I'd even get a rainbow tattoo in your honor. The conversation we need to have is a face to face one. Just know i value our friendship more than a lot of things in life and I don't want to ruin that.

    Me: o I didn;t tell you I had feelings for you because i was scared you would hate me.... honestly, after everything he did to me, said to me and about me, it bothers me that you could be with him... he has said HORRIABLE things about me, and you just let him, you don't stand up for me, you just let him call me whatever he wants, say whatever he wants... all of your friends here in lake city actually... you seem to be oblivious to what he says about all of us, but get mad at us for defending ourselves. I'm not the only one that feels this way....



    It's just getting worse and worse... I want to cry so bad.... I feel like crap....
     
    #2 MommaFrog, Nov 9, 2011
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2011
  3. Mister E

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    I think what you said was right. You had to get your feelings across, and that's how you felt was the best way to do it. It didn't sound bitchy, but you can tell the hurt in the words.

    If the friendship means a lot to you, you should try to maintain it. But, the only happiness that matters in the end is yours. It doesn't matter if she would be upset with the loss of the friendship if you are constantly upset while having the relationship. Friends fight, but it's different when it is a recurring pain, especially since it is having such a negative affect on you. If you don't want to lose your friendship, then don't make a complete break. However, I strongly suggest some kind of "vacation" from this relationship, because there is something wrong going on here. Friendship should result in a mutual benefit, not with one party becoming increasingly hurt.

    Something needs to be done, because things can't continue the way they are, for your sake.
     
  4. MommaFrog

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    so, this is how my night is ending


    me: you know what, forget it, do what ever makes you happy, have a great life with whoever you want, despite the issues that are obvious to me and everyone but you.... I'll support you all you want as far school and everything else goes.

    You move in with him, You will not see (my daughter), I wont have her around him, Period.

    Her: Just because I love someone doesn't mean I'm with that person.

    Me: Again, not the point
     
  5. Mister E

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    My support for changing your relationship with this individual has increased. She does not seem mature enough to understand your feelings. This immaturity is clearly hurting you, and I still advice at least a "vacation" from this friendship.

    If the time comes when a face-to-face conflict comes about (like she seemed to suggest), then maybe you can try to reason with her again. Until then, unless some dramatic change in her person occurs, she seems too likely to hurt you.
     
  6. silverhalo

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    Its tough but as Mister E has said you have point across if she is unwilling to listen or acknowledge that then there is little you can do apart from give her wide berth for a while. Fundamentally you have to look after yourself and right now her isnt helping you.
     
  7. MommaFrog

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    All of my rational thoughts agree with you both. However, we have been best friends since 2002... We have always been inseparable, until she moved out of town and all this crap started. I'm not sure I can NOT talk to her, i'm not sure I can NOT try to help her... that's my problem...
     
  8. Mister E

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    I will not change who I am to satisfy you, accept who I am or get the hell away from me!!!

    If you have to pretend she isn't hurting you, isn't that change? It will be hard, but this is one of those obstacles that will make you grow as a person. If you can't bring yourself to forever cut communication, then make it temporary. Wait until she is mature enough to handle a friendship like yours. She doesn't understand how to treat a person.

    Be strong (*hug*) remember, your happiness is most important. You might not feel happy immediately, or you might, but either way you will later. Your vest friend should be a big positive thought in your mind, not a big negative.
     
  9. MommaFrog

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    You're right, I KNOW that... I haven't heard from her today, which is probably best...

    I've decided any communication she and I have right now will be about school and school only. ((We are both nursing students, as is my mother))

    I hope all of this is sorted out... I hope she realizes the mistake she is making...
     
  10. silverhalo

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    Knowing what you should do and being able to do it are 2 different things. I dont think you necessarily have to never speak to her again, I just think you need temporary space and time until it has at least settled down a little. Let her make the first move and then like you say keep it simple.
     
  11. seeksanctuary

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    This does not sound like a person who doesn't know what they're doing.

    You know what I've been going through, so I'll just say that it reminds me a lot of my current situation. Person A brushes off things that you need to talk about, contradicts everything they say and denies they were doing so, admits to toying with people without remorse, lies...

    You said the right thing. I can't tell you whether or not to stay friends with her, but I personally couldn't. Not after all this, and being able to recognize purposefully negative behavior like that.

    I implore you to think long and hard about staying friends with her.
     
  12. MommaFrog

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    well, i've been listening to break up music all morning, and that's what this feels like </3

    But, its whats best...
     
  13. MommaFrog

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    Now she's texting me as if nothing happened... really????
     
  14. Mercy

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    awh hun its gunna be ok
     
  15. MommaFrog

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    I hope so...
     
  16. seeksanctuary

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    It is a break up; it'll hurt like one, and take a while to recover from like one. But you're a strong person. You can do it. And her acting like nothing has happened... it just confirms that it probably is for the best.

    Hang in there.
     
  17. MommaFrog

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    So, She's in town for Thanksgiving, and she wants to talk... face to face..... today.... I'm so nervous and I have no idea why...
     
  18. Daisy1

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    You'll be ok! Maybe this will give you some of the answers you've been waiting for. Good luck and let us know how it goes!
     
  19. MommaFrog

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    So, basically, she just wanted to tell me to my face that she just wants to be friends... Was that really necessary? **sigh** I just... IDK, I feel broken enough recently as it is.... and she had to just rub it in my face again?

    I had thought maybe she was going to tell me she loves my ex that she's been half way seeing and that they are getting married, or maybe she would kiss me and take a pic just to piss him off.... i never thought she would love me back, but I also didnt think she would feel the need reject me yet again when I had said nothing to her since last time....

    Kinda feel dead inside