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Please help!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Blkrsn, Nov 10, 2011.

  1. Blkrsn

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    Ok, 2 years ago, when I was 18 years old, I moved out to help a friend who was being abused by her parents at home. She believed she did not have the skills to move out on her own, and so she was staying in the abusive home. I could not bear that, so even though I was fresh out of high-school, I offered to move out with her. I found us a nice 2 bedroom apartment that allowed cats, furnished the place with everything, living room and bedroom furniture, kitchen necessities, everything.

    But she then decided to take advantage of my kindness. What I did not know about her, was that she was a nymphomaniac, and often went online to dating websites to find herself `intimate encounters` so there were all these strangers who would show up and stay the night, and then I would never see them again. I was terrified. Some of these people were really shady.

    She then decided that since she was sleeping around anyway, why not make money off of it, and quit work and became a prostitute - using our apartment as her `home base`. Now I was terrified to leave the home I furnished. Everything in there was mine, so if any of these guys decided to rob the place, guess who`s stuff they would be taking? In the end, I ended up catching one of them trying to take off with my computer accessories, and another asking me to sell him my Final Fantasy collection for $30 ( I have all the games and the action figures - plus this collection was in my bedroom, so that means these guys were going through my room when I was at work ), and I confronted her about it. She then went back to her mom and said that I `was not letting her have friends over`. When I asked if her mom knew she was prostituting herself, she got very mad at me. Can`t blame her, no one wants to admit their daughter is a prostitute.

    Anyway, shortly after that, she came up to me and asked if I was gay. I was startled by it, because at this point I was still in the closet, and terrified of coming out, so I said, `No!` and she replied, `Well, I was only asking because I`m Bi and I was wondering if you wanted a relationship?` and I replied, `No... sorry.` She then said, `Would you mind if I got in a relationship with a girl?` and me trying to stay in the closet replied, `I`m not homophobic. As long as I don`t see it, I`m fine.`

    Anyway, I got out of there as fast as I could. Seeing she no longer needed my help due to her um... job, I moved out. I moved to an attic suite downtown and started the hardest year of my life.

    Long story short, she contacted me again and asked me out again. She said she was sorry for everything, and she really misses me, and wishes she never wronged me the way she did. She was practically begging me to give her a second chance and to give a `relationship a try`. She said she gave up prostituting because she met someone, but said that she has always still been thinking about me...

    I let her down easy by saying `I`m the jealous type, and I don`t like to share.` and she replied, `Oh...`

    But she`s not giving up. She`s still contacting me, saying she wants to break off her engagement to this guy and go out, and keeps asking to go out for coffee sometime. I finally broke down and said I will give her a second try and go out for coffee with her...

    But after all she did, I`m not really willing to give a relationship a try. But she is literally begging me to.

    What should I do? Its been 2 years since the last time I saw her. I know how she used me before, but she claims to be a changed person. Do I risk myself by opening myself back up to her, or do I run away now and forget about second chances?

    Please please help! We`re supposed to go for coffee sometime today...
     
  2. MommaFrog

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    Wow, I would seriously just tell her you are not interested, you don't trust her, and to go marry her man... I mean, obviously being nice isn't working, so you need to be mean, and blatantly honest...
     
  3. Doctor Faustus

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    I'm with MommaFrog on this one. Trust me, there are plenty of other people out here who are much more dignified and honest, and even if one doesn't show up right now, they'll find you or you'll find them one way or another. Don't give her the time of day, she doesn't deserve it.

    She sounds almost sociopathic. It's kind of creepy.
     
  4. Jim1454

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    OMG! RUN! Run away as fast as you can and have NOTHING to do with this person!

    You don't want to get involved with the kind of person who prostitutes themself! She wasn't doing it out of necessity. She wasn't indebted to some pimp. YOU were the one who saved her from an abusive home, and THAT is how she thanked you!

    NOW she's engaged to a man, and is looking to dump him (not a boyfriend, but a fiance) for the chance to date you. She's obviously unstable, unreliable, untrustworthy, non-commital. The list goes on and on!

    YOU deserve someone WAY better than her. WAY BETTER!!! Re read what you wrote in your post. Put yourself in our shoes. What would you say to someone who described that situation? You should be telling them what I'm telling you. She isn't worth even going for coffee with! Say "I'm sorry, but something else has come up. I won't be able to meet you, and I'm not sure it was a good idea anyway. All the best. Bye." and be done with her.
     
  5. Ianthe

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    You shouldn't date her for all the obvious reasons.

    But also, you shouldn't date her because there is nothing in your post to indicate that you are attracted to her--or even like her at all at this point.

    "I'm sorry, but I'm just not interested," should work. If not, cut off all contact with her, as she is clearly insane.
     
  6. seeksanctuary

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    I have nothing against sex workers; if someone chooses to prostitute themselves for whatever reason, that is their choice. However, the way she went about it and the way she treated you... it was unethical and horrid. You could have ended up robbed, or worse, arrested or dead. She obviously didn't care, judging by her attitude upon leaving.

    Think of it this way, she decided to go back to an "abusive home" that you "saved her" from, rather than respect your wishes to not pimp herself out in your shared living space. If her home life has truly been abusive, she would have at least respected you enough to find another place to carry on her business.

    She is not. If she is willing to cheat on her fiance, if she is pestering you over and over when you've said no, then she hasn't changed. She's still the same desperate, unethical, manipulative person she was before.

    If she keeps pestering you, you need to just tell her "stop asking me this or I will not talk to you anymore". If she gets huffy and/or keeps at it, I suggest a restraining order. You don't have to put up with this and what she is doing is harassment! Not to mention that prostitution is illegal, and you could probably still get her in trouble for that.

    Please don't go to coffee with this person. Please. Getting sucked back in to a bad situation isn't worth it, and that's what will happen. You are not obligated to her, and you don't need someone like this in your life. Jim is correct. You are much better than that.
     
  7. MommaFrog

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    As much as I <3 seeksanctuary, getting an injunction (restraining order) isn't easy. The courts wouldn't give me one against my husband until he started threatening to kill me. However, filing for one will still be helpful, because then the courts will have documentation that you were concerned about your well being.

    You can also have her arrested if she comes over and you tell her to leave and she doesn't (trespassing) if this happens you need to have the officer issue a "warning of trespass" which basically means if she shows up again, instant arrest, no questions asked.

    You can also file harassment charges and a civil suit for the things you provided her if you really wanted to...

    Any legal questions? Ask me! Lol, i've learned a TON in the last few months about these types of things. I was also a pre-law / law student before i found nursing to be my preferred career
     
  8. Lexington

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    Why are you even bothering to stay in contact with her?

    Lex
     
  9. Blkrsn

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    Thanks everyone...

    I know, I am WAY to good for my own good...

    Lex, there was one guy that kept returning over and over again, and he was actually a nice guy. He called himself her boyfriend, and he honestly believed he was her only one. I felt sorry for him, and tried to tell him, but he would not believe me. Anyway, we still kept in contact after I moved away. This is the guy that ended up engaged to her. She got ahold of me again through him, since I had deleted her off facebook, msn, and my life.

    I felt bad about ducking out of coffee and went, and it turns out she got a taste of her own medicine, and wanted to say sorry for what she put me through. She said she got a roommate that was `just like she was` and she hated every moment of it. She said she now realized why I was so mad.

    We just talked, had coffee, I gave her the chance to apologize, and then I left. I know... I need to grow a mean bone in my body somewhere...

    I have no interest in starting a relationship with her. I wasn`t lying when I said I was the jealous type who doesn`t like to share. I would be constantly worried she was cheating, knowing how she has cheated before. I am too laid back a person to want to add drama to my life again.

    Your replies just cement that. Thank you so much! I`m thinking I`ll just ignore her texts from now on, now she has given me her apology!