I'm currently on holiday in San Francisco. I've been planning this trip for six months. The original plan was for me to go on my own. However, a friend of mine is moving to the US. She flew out to SF the same day that I did, so we've stayed together for a week. She was meant to leave for New York today, where she had work and a place to stay lined up for two months, after which she'd come back to live in SF. She's lived here before and it's where she wants to be permanently. She's freaking out and refusing to go to NY. There is no way she can make her flight on time. And I Have no idea what to do about her. I can't make her get on the plane. I can't let her stay here and end up on the streets. And fuck, this is my holiday. I wanted to do this on my own. Staying with a friend has been good, but the second half was meant to be my own, and now I can't let Sarah do anything stupid, but I don't want to spend the rest of my holiday taking care of her. But if I don't try and help her, what's going to happen to her?
What is it about going to New York that is freaking her out? Could she catch a later flight if you went to the airport with her. If she has lived there before does she have any friends, or family there that she could stay with whilst she sorts herself out?
She just doesn't want to leave here to live there or anywhere else. She didn't really want to live in NY in the first place but was offered the job there and decided to take it because SF plans hadn't worked out. She has friends here but says she doesn't want to be a leech on them.
Well maybe you need to point out that she's leeching on you. So politely but firmly state that you've got stuff you'd like to do, and that it would be best for her to stay with her other friends for a couple of weeks while you're doing your thing on your holiday. I've never understood how people can make these kinds of plans, and then back out at the last minute. Book flights, commit to employment, coordinate with people who have travelled from Australia, and then "freak out" and not follow through. I have no tolerance for those kind of people. You've made plans. Stick to them. If she has money to waste on flights she doesnt take, then she's got money to spend on her own hotel if she can't bring herself to stay with other friends. Put her in her place, and carry on with your holiday.
I agree with Jim. As hard as it is, you need to gently tell her that it's fine for her to stay in SF, but she will need to find other accommodations/things to do because you have plans by yourself and need time to yourself. Also, from a legal perspective, if she entered on a work visa and doesn't show up for work, presumably she will be fired from her job for not showing up, which takes away her right to be in the US. Depending on the terms of the visa, she might have to leave immediately (within 24 hours) or she might be able to stay for a certain number of days, but she can't simply convert her work visa to a tourist visa without telling anyone. And violating the visa is serious business; if US Homeland Security finds out, they could bar her from re-entering the US. So try and talk some sense into her and, if nothing else, leave her to her own devices.
>>>But if I don't try and help her, what's going to happen to her? She's gonna grow up and learn that she sometimes she has to rely on herself for a change. You've got a life to live - go live it. And lemme know if you need some recommendations for San Francisco. Lex
I ended up leaving to go do my own thing not too long after I posted this, and a few hours later, she got in touch and told me that she'd managed to get a later flight. Maybe I managed to get through to her, maybe she just made more sense after a couple hours more sleep. And she tidied up the hotel room and left me a note saying I'm "the greatest help and a true friend", so it looks like all's good. And thanks, Lex, any recommendations would be welcome!
Glad to hear it all worked out, she obviously needed a little push and had perhaps just panicked, enjoy your holiday?
Excellent - glad it all worked out! Let's see...what to do in SF? Two things I'd recommend - the Exploratorium, and the "Go Car" tour. The last one can be a bit on the pricey side depending on how long you have the thing out, so check the price rate on it before you do it. Oh, and find a grocery store or convenience store, and eat an It's It out of the ice cream section for me. Lex
