Ohhhh tomorrow is the day, or rather today is the day that I get to see the woman I've been crushing on for months now. Why can't I just tell her that I like her? Simply ask her out for a drink or for lunch. What's stopping me? Oh that's right the fear of rejection is what's stopping me. When did I become this person, this person who is scared? I've never had a problem with asking someone out or telling someone that I like them. I have this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that's saying "Don't do it, don't make a fool out of yourself. She would never want anything to do with you" "Why would she like you? Your to young, not that cute and let's face it your bigger and she's small. Never going to happen Jessica". My fear of rejection is going to ruin my life...So I guess my question has anyone else had this problem after coming out? How do you move past the fear of rejection?
i'm not out enough to have experienced this problem yet, but i do understand the fear of rejection-- it's totally normal. when you like someone a lot, you're nervous. you're self-doubting. you're insecure. if you didn't have those feelings, you probably wouldn't really like the person in the first place. (that was one of my biggest clues, btw, that i didn't really have any feelings for the guys i dated-- no nerves, no giddy fear whatsoever.) as far as how to move past it, there's no secret. you just have to go for it. there's always gonna be the risk that the person you're crushing on doesn't return the feelings. it's simply a matter of guts. you have to have the guts to ask her out but still the emotional preparation to deal with a negative response.
I've only been out a little more then a year now and this is the first time I'm having this issue. I've never been the type of person to doubt myself, or second guess any of my choices. Then again I'm taking my experiences from when I dated guys, dating women is a whole other ball field
Honestly, Im pretty out now & Im still having this problem, but its that I like this girl & she likes me, but she doesn't know that Im female or a lesbian, so Im stressing about the whole thing too. I think that fear of rejection is just normal for everyone, not just LGBT people. I like to say that a lot of the issues that LGBT people face in their personal lives aren't really LGBT issues, they're human issues, because we all have these fears & emotions. I guess the key to asking anyone out is examining how you feel about the person you like & then weighing the fear of rejection over the feeling of never having known what might have been & then deciding how you want to move forward. For me, as much as rejection hurts, I'd rather just know 'Hey, she likes me too,' or 'OK, she's not into me,' or 'All right, she's not gay or isn't into same-sex relationships.' rather than sit & wonder 'What if she liked me & she was the one but I missed my chance?' For me, that last question would probably drive me more crazy than asking & getting a hurt for a bit. Getting rejected sucks, but longing for something to happen that never did is worse, because your imagination can make it so much worse. I hope it works out for you tho! (*hug*)
Thank you kiersten for your advice...The thing is I know she's gay, its well pretty obvious and well some of her co-workers have told me that she's gay..I just dont know how to tell if shes into me, or if im wishful thinking. I've never been so nervous in my entire life
Well, if she's gay, then I say take the plunge & ask her to dinner then. She seems to be friendly with you, so why not? Nerves are just part of dating, even straight people get nervous asking someone out. Sometimes courage is a hard thing to find, but sometimes how you feel can be stronger...
Everything your saying makes perfect sense..Hopefully the next time I see her ill be able to find enough courage to just ask her out..Funny thing is her boss has been trying to set us up for awhile now
The problem is the more you like someone the harder it is because the more you have to loose. When you dated guys (I am assuming that was before you came out) you probably didnt actually have strong attraction to them so actually if they said no you hadnt really lost anything there were still plenty more guys out there, but because you really like this girl it will hurt more if she says no. I think you should just stay casual and say do you want to grab a coffee or a bite to eat sometime and then it can be half friendly at the same time, rather than full on do you want to go on a date with me, if you are feeling nervous.
Exactly when I was dating men, if I was rejected I was okay with it, it didn't really effect me..Maybe just staying casual would be the best for now. I don't want to come on to strong, I'm nervous about our age difference, it doesn't bother me just not sure how she feels about it.
