label me what

I get like this.

I generally dress normal and "manly" but theres days where I'll sport a vneck, red converse and skinny jeans and basically be a bit more femmine.

I think its a normal thing. I still identify as a male..

 

Do you seriously need to?
Who says you need to conform to societys idea of a stereotype..

You can be both. :icon_bigg

Heres some examples of me.

[Links to photos removed by moderator]


Why do you feel like you need to be one or the other?

 

I'm a very insecure quiet person

 

Well, if you really like this is an issue then perhaps you could be bigender.

Bigender - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

If I can put in my own two cents, it sounds like you don't really have gender identity issues though. I think you are trying to hard to put yourself in a box or "clique" of butch and femme. We are fluid beings, and our behaviors can sway as easily as our moods.

Good luck =)

 

Many lesbians feel "in-between" or variable about gender in the way you are describing. In fact, this might be most lesbians, in my experience.

Are you in a community where most identify as one or the other?

Actually, I just looked at your blog post and got the impression that you don't know a lot of lesbians, really. So, does the "everyone" that's been asking you mean "a whole bunch of straight people who don't know what they are talking about?" Is it the, "do you want to be the man or the woman in the relationship" question?

Or is it online? The only time I've ever encountered lesbians asking each other this is on the Internet, where we can't see each other. If this is the situation, the lesbians don't need you to identify as one or the other; they just want a description of your gender performance so they can get a sense of what sort of person you are, and maybe whether they would be interested in you. A lot of lesbians have an established idea of what they prefer in a partner in this sense. In this situation, you can use butch and femme as adjectives, and just give reasonably good descriptions. You might also use the word "androgynous" or "andro," which is used to indicate that you have both masculine and feminine attributes. (Lesbians may just ask "butch or femme" because those are the two ends of the spectrum. You are sort of expected to understand that you can reply with an answer anywhere along the spectrum.)

Look up Tegan and Sara for an example of what lesbians might describe as andro. The word is also used to describe people who's gender expression varies.

When you meet lesbians in person, they don't generally ask this question, because they can see you for themselves. They are much more likely to ask what kinds of girls you like.

You will get a better sense of how you relate to other lesbians as you meet more of them, and then you'll develop a sense of your identity within the community. There's a lot more than butch and femme to choose from.

As I said, I do think androgyny (a mixture of masculinity and femininity) is not only acceptable but common among lesbians.

However, I wanted to say that butch and femme, when used as nouns, are gender identities, not stereotypes. There are, of course, stereotypes about butches and femmes, as there are about mainstream genders. But embracing a particular gender identity does not entail conforming to all the stereotypes about it.