So, I have a major crush on this guy in my class. I am friends with him but not very close. I am pretty sure he's gay cuz one of his other friends once told me he had a bf and they broke up last year. I've tried to hang out with him alone, but every time something seems to come up: either work, events, or other stuff. He doesn't know about me being bi, or at least I dont THINK he knows, and i've never brought it up with him cuz the only time I really talk with him is in class or when we're with other friends. He's a nice guy and VERY cute and we both come from similar backgrounds (mexican, love art, same major). I'm not sure whether to keep trying to hang out with him or to just leave it alone and find someone else. Never really been in a relationship with a guy yet so dont have much experience to speak of. I'm a sophomore in college by the way. I am out to a few friends but not publically or to my family. Would appreciate any advice or suggestions! thanks!!
Hello newbie! First of all, I wanted to welcome you to EC. :smilewave The community here is very supportive... hopefully I can be of some use! I wouldn't suggest coming out to him right away. Say you want to meet up for drinks or a social or a film. Maybe the second time, let him know you're bi and see how he reacts. Then the third time, if you get round to that, you can ask him out. Just because you have a crush doesn't mean said crush implies you'll have a fulfilling relationship together. Use the first few social opportunities to get to know him better. Then maybe start thinking about asking out. Hope I've helped somewhat. If you need any further advice, feel free to page me. Good luck! Best, Doctor Faustus.
Hi there! I think trying to keep hanging out with him, and trying to get to know him better would be a good idea. As you get to know him better you might come to understand your crush/feelings for him better. The more we get to know someone, we come think about them differently and start seeing and hearing things we haven't caught onto before. Some of these things could confirm or actually lessen the feelings that you do have for him. Maybe try getting together at a coffee shop, which tend to be better places to sit down and be able to have a conversation. You could try asking him if he would like to join you for a coffee on campus, or after school on a weekend. You could also use your get together with him, to talk more about yourself too. To find out as to whether there is a chance, you do need to come out to him. That said, and as hard as this might be, I would try to keep my expectations low and just try to get to know him as a friend first. Try not to think about being in a relationship already as it will only make it harder to talk to him. Try to think about it in terms of trying to get to know someone. Hope this helps a bit!
Since he surely thinks you are straight, if he's attracted to you he may actually avoid hanging out with you on purpose, because he won't want to develop feelings for a straight guy. Do you have his phone number? If not, see if you can get it. Then you can bring up (either in a phone call or a text) that you heard he had dated a guy last year, and, as a bisexual who is still not out to almost anyone, you would really appreciate it if you could talk to him about some stuff. You could also mention that your similar interests and cultural background make him an especially good person to talk with about this stuff. All of which is true, really: even if he isn't interested in you, he would be a really good person for you to make friends with. Once he knows that you're bi, it'll be easier to tell whether he's interested based on how he acts around you. Right now, he's going to conceal any interest he might have because he thinks you're straight.
crushes usually are called crushes because they hurt the person that has the crush. usually crushes do not work out. sometimes they do. either way, everyone sooner or later has to find out if the person they are crushing on likes them or not. from my own experience and from hearing other people's stories, i suggest nipping this in the bud sooner versus later becuase you will spend months and sometimes years liking someone and interpreting things that are not there. here's how you find out if someone likes you back: 1. initiate one on one time: you can't get to know someone through text, email, or facebook. you need to hang out with them. and you need to hang out with them one on one. not in friend groups. u need to see if they like you or if you like them. 2. if you ask your crush to hang out, play basketball, get a drink (if you are over 21), or whatever, this is a great way to know if he or she is interested or ready to be around you. if you ask and they are always busy, or can't do it, or say maybe anohter time or blah blah blah blah, then cut your losses and stop asking and immediately put it back on them. if they say they are busy, then try again another time later. if they say they are busy a second time, then say: "no problem whenever u get time, let me know." then STOP asking. you have now but it back on them. if they are interested in hanging with you, they will ask you to hang. no matter if they text you, call you, or whatever, DO NOT ask them to hang out again. ONLY hang with them if they ask. other than that do not bring it up. 3. if you ever get one on one time. see if you like them and see if they like you. when you're alone you can get a better idea if they are flirting with you or if there is chemistry. see if you can hang more after the first time. develop a friendship. 4. if all your senses and data seem to indicate there's chemistry adn you just have to know, then you can say something like "hey, can i be honest with you about somethign but i dont want to offend you at all or make you feel weird.....?" they will say sure, then you can let them know how you feel. 5. they will mostly likely say" sorry i'm straight" but if not, then you're on the road to something cool. See how long this takes.... this is why i do not recommend putting energy into people that you do not lknow if they are gay or not or if you feel like you're putting too much work and energy into figuring it out, then just focus on someone else where you know they are gay.
