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Stupid Me!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ManicPanic, Nov 12, 2011.

  1. ManicPanic

    Regular Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So last night I was supposed to hang out with a guy that I like, (I'm not sure of his sexuality) we were going to hang with another friend and go to a party. Except I found out my old friend was in town for the night and wanted to see me, so I texted my crush and cancelled our plans, explaining the situation to him. he was understanding and it was no problem.

    Now I have heard from LOTS of people saying that he is Bisexual, I am openly gay and Very comfortable with myself. People say I should try to initiate something with him. I have definitely felt like we flirt sometimes and I totally get non Straight vibes from him. I have been dying to ask him if he really is Bi, or if its just a false rumour.

    Any way me and my old friend ended up drinking and when i got home that night i couldn't sleep and decided to text the guy, Since I was drunk I thought it was a good idea to ask him over text if he was Bi. Well the first thing he said was, "who told you?" I replied saying I wouldn't give a name. He never answered the question and asked again saying he wanted to know who told me, I said it doesn't matter and either way your a really sweet guy to be friends with. Eventually after a few minutes I texted him apologising saying it wasn't my place to ask, and to forget this convo. And said goodnight.

    Well he never replied at all and now I'm freaking out cause I may have Ruined the closest thing i have I have ever had being with a guy, What should i do? I never mentioned that I like him, and whatever happens I still want to be friends. :confused:
     
  2. Gravity

    Full Member

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    Well, I would say that it sounds as if he feels that his personal space/privacy were violated a little bit...which, to be fair, they were. If it's that widely known than I don't think you're especially to blame for anything, but I might not let him know that just yet.

    The problem here is that his silence could be seen in at least two ways - 1) he really isn't bi (or gay or otherwise queer) and is weirded out that someone has been saying so, or 2) he is, and he's just nervous that it's more common knowledge than he'd thought (this would be my guess, but it's a crapshot really). Unfortunately each possibility entails a drastically different approach to the situation.

    I would wait until you see him again, if you have a reasonably close opportunity of doing so, and explain to him in private (definitely not in the presence of others) what you've just expressed here: you're sorry (again) for making him uncomfortable, you just like him, you were curious about dating each other (downplay this as much as possible - if he's into you he'll get the hint, and if he's not it will minimize any freaking out), but if he's not you want to be friends in any case.

    Or, even more subtle, just apologize and see if he's willing to hang out some other time.
     
  3. insidehappy

    insidehappy Guest

    this is great advice. i totally agree with it. i think asking someone if they were bi can come off kinda caddy and gossipy and if he wasn't gay he would be offended possibly or hurt that people are saying this about him. the way the OP made it sound through text is that this guy has been a topic of discussion which honestly would weird anybody out especially if they were gay/bi and not out or comfortable with it. the fact the guy said" who told you" instead of of "NO I"M NOT" makes me believe he is. i think the OP should leave the texting alone and next time when he sees the guy just say "hey can i talk to you. i'm sorry about the text. noone told me nothing. i was just afraid to come out and be honest that i actually am a bit attracted to u and i didnt want to weird you out cuz i didn't think you were gay/bi but i just wnated to know so i could know if had a shot. i hope this didn't offend u adn i'm sorry if it did. either way, i hope we can just be friends". i think the Op kinda owes it to be honest about his feelings since he was bold enough to ask the guy if he was gay/bi without divulging any info on why he was asking.

    ---------- Post added 12th Nov 2011 at 10:51 PM ----------

    in the future when you have a crush on someone that you are not sure if they are bi or gay, do not ask them if they are bi or gay. if they are and not out, they have no idea why you are asking and will likely say no. if they aren't, they could be offended that you are asking. also, you're asking them to divulge info about theirself first and you're not even saying why you are asking. doesn't seem fair. remember, you are the one with the crush. so if you've gotta know what's going on with someone, you have to be prepared to tell on yourself first and let them know you're attracted to u and see if they are intersted in that. then they have the ability to say yes or no. this is risky cuz if they are not gay, they can get offended or worse. but if you are bold enough to ask such a personal question, then you shoudl be bold enough to be out to them first without asking them to out theirselves first to you and you're the one that likes them.
     
  4. ManicPanic

    Regular Member

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    Thanks Guys!!!! Well he messaged me actually and apologised for being mad, and we Now have plans to hang out this week. He also mentioned he is indeed Bisexual, So I just have to wait and see what happens. :grin:
     
  5. insidehappy

    insidehappy Guest

    omg, that's great news. im happy for you. a questionable crush finally worked out!!!! YAY :slight_smile: