Hello! I just joined here and I just figured out how to post a new thread haha. Well um anyway; I'm scared. I'm just gonna put it out there. I'm a half black/half Jamaican Young teenager who is admitting he is scared. I just started to accept myself I think last year but I'm deathly afraid of what my "friends" will think of me or worse, my family. See as you may have read, I'm half Jamaican so you can pretty much infer that growing up in a family that comes from the most Homophobic country in the world is just a little intimidating to say the least. Now I'm not knocking my home country, I respect their views but those views don't help me. I'm afraid to come out to my family more than anybody else can imagine. If I come out to my Jamaican side(my moms side) of the family they will disown and act as if I died, without the mourning!if I come out to the black side(my dad) they will look at me funny and act like I'm not human. My mother loves me and would do anything for me but this is one thing that would destroy her heart. My father thinks I'm straight so I don't plan on changing that especially since I dot live with him(parents divorced when I was three). I have no safe haven and as I think about it more and more everyday I get even more scared. ( Extra info:im really over sensitive which is really unaccpetable in black communities especially since im a male and also as i said I just started to accept myself about a year ago but I've been secretly liking guys since I was 11. And those were dark and depressing years. I was actually diagnosed with major juvenile depression. I was put on depression mess for 2 years and then I stopped but now my doctor wants to put me back on. So I have to worry about that to.) All I want to know is if there is anyway to escape this fear. I've Been scared for so many years that I'm tired of it. Please help me ---------- Post added 12th Nov 2011 at 11:08 PM ---------- Plus I'm really straight acting so how will people think of me?
i feel your pain, breh, because i am jamaican too and so is my whole family. it's like dealing with a huge weight on your back because jamaicans are extremely homophobic to the point where they will kill you if you're gay. being gay within the black community already is messed up in itself because blacks are homophobic as well to the point where being gay is made fun of and used as an insult regularly. have you tried to talk to anyone offline about this? as unrealistic as this sounds, i'm thinking about moving the hell out of this area and starting a new elsewhere. that's the safest bet but realistically speaking, that's a long shot.
Hi, and Welcome to Empty Closets! (*hug*) I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. Let me address the last question first: "Straight acting" is mostly considered desirable by gay men. I mean, everyone has different preferences, but you rarely hear, "ewww, those icky straight-acting guys." Which, unfortunately, you do often hear about more feminine,"gay-acting" guys. The lines in personal ads like "no flamers" are horribly similar to the ones straight guys post saying "no whales," and things like that--so offensive. I think guys, no matter how masculine, rarely get the reaction that I sometimes get as a very feminine lesbian, where people think I'm not actually gay, but I'm just saying that. They may, however, think that you are really gay rather than bi, but that is what some people think of all male bisexuals, not just the ones who appear straight. Just ignore them, you are the only one who can decide how you should identify. Anyway, regarding the fear you are living with: consider coming out to your doctor. He's bound by confidentiality, and he'll be able to refer you to a psychologist or counselor who can help you work through issues around your sexuality. Since it's very, very likely that your depression is at least partly a result of your feelings about your sexuality, it is something relevant that you should tell him anyway if he is prescribing medication for that condition. LGBT youth with unaccepting families have a very high incidence of depression, and frequently become suicidal. Knowing that this is a factor in your case will help your doctor know how to proceed in treating you. A counselor who has experience with LGBT issues should be able to help you to work through the feelings you have about your sexuality as a result of your upbringing (which almost certainly are contributing to your depression), and also help you to make plans for your future, so that you will be able to look forward to a better time. Someday, you will be an adult, and able to move out on your own. Your current situation will not last forever. You can start immediately though, in terms of making new friends and building a support system for yourself of people who will be accepting of your sexuality. Maybe get involved in the arts; volunteer with the Democratic Party. Go out of your way to meet the sorts of people who are typically accepting of LGBT people. A counselor, if you go to one, may also have some ideas about how to go about this. The way to get past the fear, or at least reduce it, is to make sure you have people in your life who will be accepting of you.
