I want to come out to my brother. We don't see each other for several months at a time, and I want to do it in person. We are going to see each other in December, but I'm not sure how to tell him. If someone could give me advice I would appreciate it.
The first coming out is always the hardest, and it is quite literally *always* awkward. You just have to fight through it and say the words really. The feeling of relief once you've done it is more than worth it though.
Welcome to EC! Are you out to anybody else in your family? If so, it might be a good idea to discuss with them about how you might go about it. If not, you'll just have to sort of think about how you normally discuss things with him. With some people, making "an announcement" would work just fine, and with others, it would be awkward. With other folks, saying something "in context" is the best way to come out. So if he's talking about dating, you might say "I'd like to get a boyfriend, but I don't even know where I should start looking for one." Then you're not making an announcement - you're letting him know in context of your regular conversation. It'll be up to you, based on your relationship, the best way to go about it. Lex
Hi there, and welcome to EC! Telling that first person is tough, so I can understand you looking for some advice. How do you think he'll respond? Do you think this will come as a shock? Do you think he already suspects? Do you know what his thoughts are on homosexuality? All of these things can influence what kind of conversation you need to plan on having with him.
For the most part he doesn't have a problem with gay people, but I know it will be a shock to him, I think that is what scares me the most. If there is a simple way to ease into this conversation with him I'd like to what it would be.
We all wonder if there's some way we can work "I'm gay" into a normal conversation. I'm not sure any of us have figured that out. What I have suggested to people is that they set up the conversation a bit with statements that are pretty generic. "I have something important I'd like to share with you." is usually a good start. You've got their attention. They know you're serious. They don't know whether this is going to be a good thing or a bad thing. They'll be relieved that you're not telling them that you have cancer or something else horrible.
I came out to my brother a month and a half ago (the only person in my family who knows), and just to make sure he wouldn't react negatively, I asked a few weeks beforehand, "yo, how would you feel if you had a sibling who was bi or gay"? he said, "i could live with it." Later on, when I turned 23 in late september I finally summed up the nerve to tell him while we sat in his car. There were alot of tears and emotions exchanged, but all in all it was VERY much worth it. What is most remarkable is that if anything, my coming out to him solidified our relation to one another as siblings. It's as if there's more trust and understanding between us than before.. he doesn't try to badger me anymore by trying to hook me up with girls (since he's the older brother who is sort of a don juan with the fairer sex), and he even remarked that he thinks I'm very strong for having been able to keep this part of me secret for so long...
