I really want to tell her, and I think it would be for the best. But what if she asks questions like: "So you like guys?" "So you want to have sex with guys?" "You think penises are attractive?" Or whatever questions she might ask. I'm scared. I'm really shy and quiet is general, so I will probably freeze up if she doesn't take it perfectly. Can anyone give advice on how to reply to these kinds of questions? :help:
The simplest solution is to say you aren't very comfortable talking about sexual stuff right now, other than to say you're gay and you find guys attractive. I can absolutely tell you if my mom had asked me anything remotely sexual when I was 15, I would have been beyond mortified, so I totally understand. Most parents ask questions like "Well how do you know" or say things like "well, you can't know until you've been with a girl" or stuff like that, and those are not too difficult to deflect; you can say, "Well, it's something you just know, just like you knew you were attracted to guys." If she persists, you can go to "How did you know you were attracted to men, mom?" or "How can you know you're not a lesbian if you've never been with a woman" or that sort of thing to point out the ridiculousness of her position. But my guess is it will never go there. And, finally, you always have the choice to say, simply, "I wanted to tell you this, but I don't feel comfortable talking about it in detail now so I'd rather end discussion for the moment." Nobody can make you talk if you don't want to
I second everything Chip said. When I came out to my parents, I got a lot of "wow, really?" and "how do you know?" and "are you sure it's not just him?" (part of my coming out was telling them I had a boyfriend). But I never got "so what do you like to do when you have sex?" or "how many times have you two done it?" Well, actually my mom did ask me the first one later. But not when I came out to her. :lol: So I don't think you'll get those types of questions, certainly not up front.
I don't think she is even remotely likely to ask about penises--not as a genuine question, anyway. If she's a certain sort of person, she might "ask" as a way of purposely humiliating you, but then she wouldn't actually want an answer. If she's the sort of person who would do that, I'm not sure it's a good idea to tell her while you are still living with her. The fact that you want to tell her and "think it's for the best" makes me think she's not that sort of person. I think the "So you like guys?" question is the only one that could happen, but she knows what "gay" means, so if she asks you this, it will be immediately after you tell her, and she just will be basically asking you to say it over again, to confirm and to give her a minute to process it. Your mom would probably be just as uncomfortable as you are with the sex questions. And your mom's a woman, so unless she is really gender atypical, you are a lot more likely to get questions like, "So, you want to have a boyfriend?" or "Do you have a crush on a guy at school?" Female thinking typically goes to emotions and relationships first, rather than body parts and sexual acts. In fact, if for whatever reason she does start to focus on the physical, my recommendation would be that you bring it back to emotions and relationships. If she asks if you want to have sex with guys, you should talk to her about having a crush, or just wanting to kiss someone or hold his hand. Talk about wanting a boyfriend, wanting to fall in love. She really, really will not ask the penis question, but if she does, you can explain that when you are attracted to someone, you like the whole person, and not just his genitals. You do not, for example, want to have sex with goats, even though they are really well hung. And I don't imagine you want anything to do with penises belonging to people you don't like or aren't attracted to. So, obviously, you are attracted to the whole guy, and not just the penis. If you are as shy as you say, you might want to write out what you want to tell her in advance, so that you will have it if you get stuck. I know that helps me, when I need to have a conversation that I'm nervous about. Good luck!
Ianthe is spot on. Hopefully your mum will respect you for you who are and will be courteous enough not too ask too many questions about your private life that you're not comfortable answering. Good luck! F.
