WARNING -Rant ahead- From age 3 I have had this tendency to withdraw myself from other kids. Not that it was a bad thing, necessarily, I just figured I liked to get lost in my own world instead of joining others in theirs. Now, 13 years later however, it transformed into an extreme fear of people and a really embarrassing social awkwardness which I just can't shake off. I find it impossible to remain with people in a group for more than thirty seconds. I usually coop myself up in a music practice room during breaks (recesses) and before school instead of walking with friends because I'm scared that I'll make a fool of myself saying (no, blurting) something out totally irrelevant to the conversation at hand, or saying nothing at all and reserving myself. It really happens. When people ask me to deliver input to the conversation, I start freaking out and panicking and my brain whirls out responses at random. With both my brain and my mouth being out of sync, I usually say the total opposite of what I mean (and stammer as well...to add insult to the injury.) Now, this doesn't mean that I'm some friendless, antisocial freak, on the contrary, I do have a few really good friends with whom I manage to get along with. But even they are aware of this embarrassing eccentricity I have and so they refrain from inviting me to parties or to go to the movies with them and their friends. However....there are times when I really wish they would do so once in a while.... But then again, I remember being invited to a party only once in my entire high school career, totally f*cking up and leaving early. So I'm in a bit of a Catch-22 situation. Even though it's a burning desire to stop spending weekends and holidays alone and mix with other kids my age, the very thought of having to mill around with so many makes me absolutely nauseous... :help:
Don't be so hard on yourself. We all have different levels of comfort when it comes to social situations. It takes time to get to a point where you feel at ease. You say that your friends are aware of your issue. Have they just noticed it from observing you or have you actually discussed it with them? I think maybe you should talk to them about it. If they know that you're uncomfortable, they might make more of an effort to make you feel included without putting pressure on you. This would help you get more accustomed to being in a group and contributing when you feel the need. And if they knew how you felt about being invited places, I'm sure they would extend an invitation to you. Good friends want you to be happy and these things that I've mentioned would be simple for them to do. Do you feel more at ease around groups if most of them are already part of your social circle? I know that always makes me feel less anxious. Perhaps you could try getting together with your friends and adding one new person that you don't know. When you feel comfortable with this person, you can add another and another at your own pace. Hope this helps
Much of what you'd written described my experiences, so I can sympathize with your struggles. As your social awkwardness was developed over many years, it will take some time to get yourself to a point at which you can be comfortable in social situations with people other than your best friends. It's not something that you can tell yourself to do one moment and then do without hesitation the next moment, but it's also not something that will come to you if you wait. Use the approach that Throw described and add friends to your circle one at a time, as you feel comfortable doing. You could try, if you feel up to it, to take the initiative of inviting your best friends to the movies and telling them to take one of their friends along for the show. You could tell your friends to invite you along to any small gatherings they have planned, since it's doubtful that all of their outings involve large numbers of people. Take it step by step.
