I have no idea what to do right now :eek: For the last two years I've been working on coming out to my family. It seems like every time I build myself up something comes up. First it was my grandmother's death. After she passed, that side of my family completely fell apart. Once that blew over, I found out I had a 13-year-old brother that I didn't know about...nor did anyone else. Now it's been about 6 months since that and I get a call, my mom, telling me that my 15-year-old brother just came out to her (different brother). I have no idea what I even think about that. It's almost like stilling my thunder? I'm 21 and the oldest child so it's really difficult to grasp that my 15-year-old brother completely beat me to the punch. My mom seems to have handled it well, but now I feel like coming out isn't something I can do right now. I've dealt with my decision to come out (eventually) when it was just me, but now my brother is gay too. This sounds bad, but I feel sorry for my mom. The strangest/most hypocritical thing is, I don't really believe my brother. I mean not 100%. He has a tendency to do things to "fit in" and he kind of likes to push people's buttons. I feel terrible thinking like that, because I have zero doubt that I am gay. It's just so strange and out of the blue. I guess my biggest problem with all of this was that I was okay with being the one that would be made fun of, possibly harassed (we're from a very small town). I really just wanted my family at least to be a little normal. And I'm an asshole for thinking this way, I know. But I have to get all of this out. Sorry this is such a mess. I just really don't know what to think.
>>>Any Advice AT ALL When trying to get ketchup out of the bottle at restaurants, hold the bottle at a 45 degree angle, and strike the bottle just underneath the "57" etched in the glass. ...oh, any advice at all about your situation. OK. So your brother is gay, too. Or says he's gay. No worries. Now you've got something else to talk about. Go ahead and come out to your mother. You can reference what you said above - "I feel weird saying this now that (brother) has already come out to you, because I was all set to come out to you, as well. I hope you don't mind having two gay sons in the family." Lex
I can understand your reluctance to add another piece to the family's story. However, as I was reading through your post, I couldn't help but suspect that some of the reasons you give for feeling bad about coming out could also be seen as good reasons to come out. For example: Having someone else in the family who is gay, and a mother whom you now have tangible evidence to suggest is okay with having a gay son, is something a lot of people would love to have! I don't want to assume too much about your family life, but I'm guessing your brother didn't "steal your thunder" - you're your own person with your own story and personality, and your family will be just as interested to hear about you as about him. And I would have loved to have someone else gay in my family - I always feel a little left out, like there are a lot of supportive people at family holiday gatherings and such but nobody who can *really* sympathize. And don't feel sorry for your mom - she has two sons who are proud enough to admit to themselves that they're gay and strong enough to come out to her and others, and will know that you two will be able to be there for each other in the future (again, trying not to assume too much, but there it is), so from where I sit, she has a lot to be happy for. Actually, my situation notwithstanding, I've heard it's quite common, once someone in a family is gay, for another person to be gay as well - statistically more likely or something. The more people you meet and the more stories you hear, you may find that this is much more normal than you think. Not an asshole at all! It's definitely understandable that all this news threw you for a loop. Glad you had a place to talk about it here. Just try to focus on some of these things as positives - despite the complications, I hear a lot of good things happening in your post, and once you sort through the shock of it, I suspect that things will start to smoothen out for you a lot.
Perhaps you could discuss this with your brother yourself? I highly doubt he's lying. Homosexuality has been shown to have a strong genetic component. In fact, research shows that each successive child from a woman has a greater chance of being gay. So really, your brother had a better chance of being gay then you did. I think if anything it may soften the blow to your mother, if she even is the type to have a problem with you coming out to begin with.
^ This! Don't over think it and don't worry about as to who came out first. It doesn't matter. In some ways, your brother made your coming out perhaps a bit easier. You know that your mom has taken it well. Build on that! Are you out to your brother? If not, maybe come out to him as well.
Don't worry for sounding like such a mess! As others have said, now your brother's come out, it'll probably be easier for you. As Lex said, you could even probably use it as a reference. You can ask your brother about his sexuality, how long he's had those feelings and so on. You're family. I'm sure he can trust you with that sort of information. And tell him about you, of course. Hope this helps. F.
Actually, my first bit of advice is to come out to your brother as soon as possible. Him lying is... really unlikely. Like, really. Unless he had a really, really messed up relationship with your mom, I can't imagine him doing this. And don't forget, if your brother's been acting out, it may be partly because he's gay, and he's had to deal with that. And especially if he does things to fit in--that is really typical closet behavior. You can send him a text message. In usual brotherly style, this would go something like: "You little sh**, WTF coming out before me?!? I'm gonna have to kick your ass, seriously." Then you and he can talk about how your mom is really handling everything, and maybe how to let her know about you and get her whatever support she needs (PFLAG, find a chapter in your area).
It shouldn't matter who came out before the other. What matters now is that you can be honest with your mother about who you are. Go ahead and come out to her. A bit unrelated: Haha... Couldn't help quoting. T'was funny. :lol:
