I'm free. As a few of you know, I woke up and realized that I'd been stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship for the last 3+ years. For those who don't know... He lived with my family and I rent free, had almost everything he needed paid for either by us or his dad... yet called my mom a bitch, belittled and mocked the things I held dear, openly talked about killing himself and said I should "come with him", had my mother and I doing the majority of the work around the house, etc. It was a nightmare. As of this morning, he's gone. Back with his family out of state. And while I am happy with this... I need support, because I am mourning the could-have-beens, the illusion of what was. I realize I need help, because I am co-dependent and dreadfully low in confidence. Especially after moulding myself into the Perfect Fiance For Him. I have lost a lot of what makes me ME, and I'm ready to get it back. I just don't think I know how to get back on my feet. Any similar stories, advice? Maybe online articles about confidence building? I do plan to talk to my therapist (who isn't aware of the abuse because I was ashamed to talk about it) and find a real-life support group if possible. Thank you all for the support, during the thick of it and now. This place really helped me through it.
You've actually accomplished the most difficult part - getting him out of the house. As far as confidence-building goes, let's just say many people wouldn't have been able to do what you've done. You apparently DO have the confidence and the ability to do what needs to be done when it needs to be done. And that kicks ass. Do let your therapist know. Remember - s/he's there specifically for this sort of thing. Lex
Wow, this is amazing! Don't discount yourself for taking the steps to get him out quickly, once you decided it was necessary, and standing up for yourself. While your self-esteem clearly needs some help, taking a drastic step like this is extraordinarily difficult for someone in your situation, and you passed the test with flying colors. As Lex said, just talking about this with your therapist will be really helpful in terms of identifying the feelings and low self-worth, and working on ways to change them. As it becomes a little more distant, I think it will be much easier to realize just *how* wrong the situation was and with that will come anger, and with that will come a stronger sense of self. You are sooooo on the right path here
I am so proud of you (*hug*). I know you have had and are still having a very hard time here, but you took the right decision and you sticked with it no matter how difficult it was. That doesn't mean you don't still have things to work on (like bringing your true self back) but you should be proud of yourself (*hug*) Cécile
Congrats Seek! I havn't known you long, but your explanation of your problem in the other thread could only really be described as some variation on the idea of a waking nightmare. One that you now appear to have fully awoken from and are now beginning to clamber out of the twisted sheets of your sweat-soaked bed. (Sorry if that metaphor made no sense.) Anyway - I am very pleased to hear that you've managed the near impossible in outing a potential love interest and abusive love interest, out of your house. I can only really echo the thoughts of others, in saying you've achieved a crucial and very tricky step, along a journey that will continue to get incrementally better - if you retain this ability to judge and deal with even the most confusing/conflicting problems. Congrats - that's probably the best word. And best of luck for the future.
I would also like to congratulate you seeksanctuary...I hope you feel empowered by how much you have achieved and that your healing process begins soon! I have also recently ended a relationship which, although wasn't abusive, did hold me back for a time. What has helped me is to think about this as a new beginning - I dream about the things I can now do and the places I can go now that I am free to do so. Perhaps this will help you Wishing you happy thoughts and empowerment!
Thank you all. Your words mean so much. I owe a lot of it to my mom. Without her help, I would still be sitting here, cowering and checking over my shoulder to make sure he isn't awake or watching. (Hell, as I was writing that I instinctively though "oh crap lemme check if he's asleep" and almost went to look.) It's nice knowing I have a family who loves me enough to stand up for me and help me out when I'm in trouble. But I am allowing myself to feel some pride, in sticking to my guns even when I was so scared that I was sitting there shaking. It's still weird, because I'm not used to him not being here. Not a bad thing, but I did miss him for a shred of a moment last night, but as I told my mom, I think I miss the illusion-- the illusion of being loved and cared for by someone. It's not actually him I miss. And 11, "waking nightmare" is about it. I didn't want to be in my own home, and coming back knowing he was there would make my stomach knot; I didn't want to stay away though, either, because I know he'd yell at me and I worried he'd hurt the animals. But the worst is over! Now I just have to learn to be on my own, which is scary for me (the fear of such is why I ended up in that sort of situation). But it will be okay. Thank you again, everyone. EC was crucial in helping me decide to do this, and I am so grateful.
As YOU know, I got out of a bad marriage with similar feelings. I don't remember the pre- "wife" me... and I'm slowly getting her back. I think the most important thing to remember is he can't win! He's gone, and you are awesome and amazing! I have completely focused myself on school, you could try that. Or find a new hobby to try! I'd love to learn to sew or something. I think maybe choosing something involving other people is best tho. Maybe volunteer at the library reading to kids or something. IDK! Basically, pick something you love and just GO for it, that's what I'm doing and it's really working for me
