1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Coming Out Advice

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by TechBoss, Nov 15, 2011.

  1. TechBoss

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2011
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wisconsin, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    HELLO TO THE WORLD!!!

    Now that I've got my soap-box, I want to say that I've finally accepted my sexuality and know that I am gay. It wasn't easy at first, as I was told that this was "just a phase". From the time I was first told that, I wanted to accept that. I would not really think about this again until I went to college. I never harnessed my feelings or emotions. In fact, I suppressed them more than I wanted to. A couple of the friends I had have rejected homosexuality and have said that they'd never become friends with someone who is gay. I've moved on from them and onto others who are more accepting.

    Now that I'm done with college and have taken it all in, and I'm ready to start telling others my feelings. I want to start with my friends, as they are still the most accepting people I know. I also want to tell my sister, as she's been one of the closest friends I've had in years. Yeah, there's the whole sibling rivalry and everything, but we're at a level where we have a great relationship with each other. My biggest concern is actually outside my intermediate family.

    Most of my extended family are hard-core Catholics. They have never accepted homosexuality as not a choice. I am certain that once the word spreads to them, I will be shunned for who I am. I am someone who gets along with my family very well, even to those who my family has turned away because of their actions. It wasn't because they made wrong choices, but because of the way they live their lives. There is this "disapproval" among the rest of my extended family, and I feel for them because they don't have the support they deserver.

    So, now that you've got the short version of my family, the question... How should I handle coming out to my family (more along the lines of my extended family)?

    I want to remain supportive of my family and remain in their supportive nature as well. But at the same time, I'm caged by who I am. As much as I don't want to upset anyone over my own choice, I already know the consequences of what I want to do, even though they may hurt. I am hoping someone might give me a suggestion for this. I coming out means losing the support and understanding I've had for years, I don't know if they're ready for the news. My friends and intermediate family I am comfortable enough that I can come out to them, but I'm also trying to find a good time when I do.
     
  2. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Welcome to EC! And, just for the record, my father comes from the Wisconsin Catholic factory, Fond Du Lac division. :slight_smile:

    Honestly, you can't force anybody to accept you. If they choose to turn away from you upon learning your sexuality, even if they're turning away a lifeline to a better life, that's completely and utterly their concern. If you're afraid that it's going to be the actual "coming-out announcement" that will cause the most grief, you can simply forgo it. I never did any sort of announcement to my Wisconsin relatives. I just started living as gay. If they asked if I had a girlfriend, I told them I had a boyfriend. My facebook says "in a domestic partnership", and I mention my partner as "my partner" fairly often. And if any of them have had any problem with it, I haven't felt it. I went back there for a modest family reunion of sorts, and everybody was very polite and friendly. (This isn't to say your family will be the same, but you never know.)

    I'd say work on coming out to those closest to you first, and whatever happens with them happens. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  3. TechBoss

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2011
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wisconsin, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    :soapbox:
    Hey Lex! Thank you for your reply. I would hope that some come to terms with me on my decision. If others aren't as accepting, I guess it's true that this is their choice. I really haven't changed who I am, but I've become more honest with myself and them. It really all comes down to if I'm happy where I am.
     
  4. Chierro

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2011
    Messages:
    1,059
    Likes Received:
    186
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Unless you know for an absolute fact that they're not accepting, don't jump to conclusions. One of my best guy friends, I'll call him M, is catholic, he was one of the first people I came out to, and he's completely acdepting of me. He even said that my choices don't effect him at all, which is why it doesn't effect him. Just don't jump to conclusions.
     
  5. Ianthe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2011
    Messages:
    2,760
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Oregon
    I second Lex's advice regarding coming out to extended family. I mean, particular people that you are very close to might be bothered if you don't tell them personally. But with people you don't see as often, you can just act like it's common knowledge already--"Blah blah blah, my boyfriend, blah blah... Oh, you didn't know that? Yeah, I'm gay. Blah blah blah..."

    If you act like it's no big deal, everyone else probably will too--and if they don't, it'll be really obvious who's really causing all the drama. I mean, some people may not really approve, but if you don't ask them to approve, you don't make them feel like they need to express their opinion on the matter.

    You might have some judgmental relatives that like to stick their noses into everyone's business, of course, but there isn't really anything you can do about that. You can't help it if someone else creates a bunch of drama just because of you being who you are.
     
  6. TechBoss

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2011
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wisconsin, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Ianthe, the way that you describe how others would discover this actually sounds interesting. I've always had this idea in my head that I needed to make an announcement of it. By just casually bringing it up, it would keep the mood and I'll be able to not bring it up as a defense of some argument with them. I will keep that in mind. As much as I love my extended family, I understand that they'll have whatever opinion about my coming out that they want. I still do want to sit down with my friends/family, as they are much closer to me and discuss this, especially if they want to talk about it.