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Help with verbally abusive sister?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Dekash1, Nov 15, 2011.

  1. Dekash1

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    Hey, I'm Desiree. Almost everyday at home I have to deal with my sister, whom intentionally says hurtful things to me. She's constantly downing me, and she probably enjoys insulting me. She is 18 years old and taking advantage of the freedom she has now. I like it much better when she's not home as often, because when she is home she's rude (in my opinion) and she's stuck up. She tells me I'm a loser, she says I'm lame, she makes fun of the way I dress, she yells at me, and she makes me cry basically. Any time that I try to talk to her about why she's so mean to me, she counters it by asking why I'm so sensitive. It's difficult for me to get along with her for more than a day, and even then we still have fights. I talk to my mom and dad about, but they always shrug it off as me being my usual self. When honestly she swears at me for no reason, and when I'm in a good mood she finds a way to ruin it for me. Im at the point where I can't ignore it anymore, and it's starting to affect my social life. I can barely talk to someone without being hostile because of mistrust, I can't even talk to my girl crush without being at least a little guarded. I don't know what to do. Is there anyone who can help me find ways to get through this?
    Any and everything is appreciated greatly, even just reading this helps. At least someone is listening.
     
  2. Chandra

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    I'm sorry you're going through such a tough situation with your sister.

    Honestly, your sister sounds like a bully to me - only she's a bully you have to face every day, at home, which is supposed to be a place of refuge. And the thing with bullies is that they're usually the way they are because they are covering up some kind of pain or insecurity of their own. They are down on life and on themselves, and they take it out on other people. So the first thing to remember is that this is not your fault.

    Usually I would say that there are basically two ways to deal with a bully: ignore them, or stand up to them. However, this is a bit more of a delicate situation due to family dynamics. It would probably be pretty hard to ignore your own sister who you see all the time. And your pattern of reactions might be so ingrained that it might take some work before you feel ready to stand up to her. But I would advise you to try not to react to her taunts; she is trying to get a rise out of you, and if you don't give her the satisfaction of responding with hurt feelings or breaking down in tears, she might eventually lay off. If you do feel emotionally strong enough to stand up to her, don't let yourself get angry - just speak to her in a calm, neutral, firm voice and tell her you're not interested in hearing her opinions until she can talk to you in a civilized way.

    What is your sister's relationship with your parents like? And what about your own relationship with your parents? Would there maybe be any cause of jealousy or resentment there?
     
  3. Daisy1

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    I'm sorry, Dekash. That sounds like a really difficult situation. I don't have any great insights here, but I think Chandra is right that you should try to ignore her as much as possible. If you can, spend more time on EC or out of the house and try to keep your mind on something else when she yells at you.

    There's no easy way to do that, of course, but if you're feeling open-minded, you might consider repeating a mantra in your head. I've done that before and it can have a really calming effect. Here's a list of some you might use:

    Meditation Station - Words of Wisdom

    I prefer the simpler approach of breathing out something you want to expel and breathing in something you want more of. For example, as I'm trying to stay calm, I might breathe out anger and breathe in contentment as I'm focusing on every breath.
     
  4. Dekash1

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    It is difficult, but as I have mentioned before any suggestions are helpful. And Chandra, my sister and parents well they get along fine, I'm sure there could be some underlyin jealousy. My dad and I watch movies together and we like to joke around. And my mom and I have a really close bond which has to do with the fact we nearly died together. Compared to me, my sister isn't as close to my parents but they do treat us equally. And I will try not to get angry at her, I'll try to rationalize with her when I deem myself mature enough. Once again, I thank you Chandra and Daisy for the advice.
     
    #4 Dekash1, Nov 15, 2011
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2011