I'm not out and my best friend is the only person who knows. We've known each other for 12 (almost 13) years. He can tell whenever I'm feeling down or just upset about something. He will always ask me to talk to him about it, but I always refuse. Then he'd push me to talk to him. Still I refuse. Why? Well, before I came out to him I promised myself that I would not buren him with my issues (not that I have problems all the time. I don't, but you know what I mean). So I know he cares about me, I just want to know if this is healthy. Should I be doing this or just come right out ad tell him why I push him away sometimes??? He is straight, has a girlfriend of 3 years, he knows I'm attracted to him and have a crush on him, but I respect the boundaries and he knows that/no I don't want to get in his pants. Also, how does one go about bettering a gay-straight friendship??? (I'm kinda looking at a bromance type thing)
Well, I think telling him honestly why you need to distance yourself when you do is important, so as to avoid hurting your feelings. You don't have to feel guilty about telling your problems to a friend who has asked you about them.
You don't have to tell him all of your problems. Obviously, you don't want to overwhelm your friend with your problems. I've felt that way too. You're afraid you may scare him off. Let me tell you though: if he wants to hear what's bothering you, you should tell him. He wants to help and he wants to be there for you. By not telling him anything, you may actually be making things uncomfortable for him because he may think that you don't trust him. It's all about balance. If you need someone to talk to, talk to him. You don't have to tell him everything. You can tell him some things and other friends other things. If your problem though involves urges for your friend, don't mention it to him. You know it can't happen and you don't want to ruin anything so put it out of your mind. When I need my straight guy friends for whatever reason or when they need me, we're always there to listen to each other and because of that, our relationship is amazing because of our honesty.
No, you shouldn't feel guilty at all about it. I'm sure you can trust him. If you're open and honest with him, perhaps you can be more honest with yourself. If you're desperate to tell him but can't pluck up the courage to speak to him face-to-face, try writing him a letter instead. Do what you need to, but whatever you do, don't bottle everything up and let it fester. Emphasise how hard it was for you emotionally to open up to him in the first place. Hopefully he'll sympathise. You forge a gay-straight friendship by being honest, generous, understanding, caring. The sort of things I'd want from any friendship. Hope this helps. Feel free to write to me if you need advice. Best, Doctor Faustus.
Hello, LookingGlass. Yes, your best friend cares a great deal about you. From what you've describe, he wants to know what is bothering you, or what's been upsetting you. It's what friends do. Pushing him away like this will... well, push him away, if you get my meaning. No, keeping all your issues bottled up is not healthy. If you trust your friend completely, of course, you can tell him why you've been keeping these things to yourself. Tell him why you've been keeping your problems to yourself - because you promised yourself not to burden him with them. See how he reacts to it. If he still wants you to "burden" him, then it's okay to break your promise to yourself. He's a rare friend to have, don't push him away. Should friendship really be categorised with orientations? If you're 'out' to your friend, and he accepts you for who you are, why would that be any different from any other friendship? You're both friends... secrets, love, crushes, gossip, lies, issues, problems, hopes, dreams, failures, successes, etc. ... it's all in the package. You're allowed to talk about these things with your friends.
