I am a 41 year old married straight father of 1, my sister is 45 married straight mother of 2. we have just found out that our 80 year old dad is gay. we assume mum does not know. he does not know we have found out but probably suspects we have. we really need some help working through the situation. we know its possibly none of our business but we both feel terrible for him that he has had to live a lie for who knows how long. we dont feel we can ignore it but at the same time we cant really resolve if there is a better approach than just letting things be. any comments , advice , resource suggestions would be greatly appreciated. xx
First off, hi, and welcome to EC. I'm glad you've found us. This must be very hard for you and your sister finding out after your entire lives that your dad is gay. Although I can imagine how hard it would have to be for him, having to hide his sexuality for an entire lifetime. If you do suspect he knows that you have found out, it might be best to bring it to his attention (probably without your mother there at first) and talk to him about it, letting him know how supportive you guys are of him. I think acceptance and showing someone acceptance is one of the biggest and most important stages. I'm sorry I can't be of more help, but maybe some others can give you some resources, as I'm not familiar with any for this sort of circumstance. However, I do suggest talking it out with your sister and talking with your dad about it. Best of luck.
Welcome to EC! It's tough to offer support for something that's not supposed to be known. You can try to offer vague sort of support for "gays in general" - for instance, saying you're happy that gay marriage is gaining ground - but that doesn't necessarily give him any support directly. I'm a bit curious to find out how you found out he was gay, but still think his wife doesn't know. Chances are that if there were "clues" that you picked up on, your mother had plenty of them to pick up on over the past nearly-half-century. Has he shown any sign of wanting to say anything? Lex
