A few of days ago I decided to come out to a close friend but once I seen her face to face I couldn't bring myself to say it, so I had to leave a message on her phone that told her everything and told her not to read it until I left... Later that day when I was on my way home I got a text saying that she couldn't believe it and was really shocked, I didn't know what to say so I just sent her a message asking if she'd meet up with me the next day so we could discuss it and she agreed. The next day for me felt pretty awkward, I didn't know what to say or how to bring it up, it was hours before I got the courage to ask her what she really thought about it and she said it was no big deal and she supported me with it and still loved me no matter what, she even started talking to me about people she liked and wanted my opinion on them and then started asking me who I liked, and in the end I got comfortable talking openly with her about it. My real problem started when we went out with another friend of ours, I'd been thinking whether or not to tell her all the night before and decided that I should so I could get used to it a bit more. I never really thought about how to say it, I just came out with it when we all went quiet and all she said was 'ok', but then it actually sunk in and she had to turn to my other friend and ask if I was serious but even then she couldn't believe it for a while. We got back to her house and the first thing my friends done was go the toilet (I knew they really just wanted to discuss what I had just told them). While I was alone I started thinking and realized that now I weren't happy about it all, I started getting depressed about being who I am and the fact that people knew now so there was no going back, and then all I could do was cry. When my friends came back they knew immediately there was something wrong and they knew what it was about. They told me that I should see a psychiatrist (I have attempted suicide when I first realized I was attracted to people of the same sex) and they said I should tell my mum, but I know I'm not ready to tell any of my close family but when I told my friends this they said they'd tell my mum if I didn't. I know my friends are just worried I might do something stupid but they won't understand I'm not ready, and I don't want them to out me to anyone (especially my mum) I just wanna go at my own pace and wait until I'm ready. How can I move passed all this and just fully accept myself before I do something stupid and how can I make my friends understand that I need time before I can tell anyone of my family? (sorry, I think I just needed to vent and didn't know where else to turn...)
EC - when you don't know where else to turn. This actually is fairly easy to deal with. Talk to your friends again. Let them know you told them you're gay because you needed a support network, and you chose them because they're good friends. That said, you don't think you're quite ready to tell your mother just yet. You need to get more comfortable with the idea, and feel better about your position before you make that move. Tell them you're hoping having them in your corner, and having them to discuss this with, will help you feel better over time, and eventually will get you to a point where you can come out to her. Then thank them for being understanding. Lex