A gay guys girlfriend

I'd say no. It's one thing for him for him to not tell about his boyfriend or make them think he is dating girls, and quite another to bring over a fake girlfriend. Is he gonna do this his whole life? Are you gonna have to do this again and again and again? He doesn't live with them, and ultimately he needs to prepare for his future as openly gay to his family. This is not the way to start!

 

Well, the downsides I can see to going along with the act are, a) you're both lying to his parents, and b) someone who knows you might see and end up questioning the 'relationship.' If the dinner is at home, however, this is quite unlikely (although potentially possible while travelling there/back).

On the other hand, if you don't help him out here (and he doesn't find someone else to play gf, 1) his family is in for a very abrupt awakening that has already shown to not end well. A white lie or being completely cut off from your entire family? Also, 2) chances are that you will end up blaming yourself for the reaction, since I get the impression that you are a good person with a conscience :3 There is also the potential for other people to blame you for the situation, but it's harder to live with an angry conscience.

In the end, the choice is up to you, but I feel it comes down to this: would you rather live knowing that you lied (and protected a friend) or that you were honest, with the knowledge that that honesty would almost certainly result in a complete upheaval between your friend and his family?

 

Its a difficult one, I think I would almost be inclined to do it but only as a one off, the problem I foresee is that he takes you as his girlfriend to meet his family, they meet you and like you (you are a nice girl why wouldnt they) they then plan more family events and expect you to come along, this is then going to start getting difficult, it cant be a long term solution.

So perhaps you should ask him about that. Can he not just tell them it was a date but it didnt work out or has he already told them? I dont think it is the worst thing to do, just worried it might dig a bigger whole.

 

I take my hat off to you for going to such lengths to support your friend.

A fake break up would certainly help perhaps cut the need for follow up stories and endless lies.

 

A false break up doesn't need to be staged. He could just tell his family that he's no longer got a girlfriend, then you won't get dragged into it or need to put on a show.

 

Perhaps there could be a fight but not actually at the meal I think planning to stage something like that could be rather difficult. I think it would be better to 'break up' before the occasion or go and then 'break up' soon afterwards.

 

That is a tough situation, but I would say don't go. Just have him say that you couldn't make it or that you broke up. It's still lying, but won't cause many problems.

 

I agree - I can see this turning into an endless situation. It also provides your friend with a perfect excuse to continue avoiding the undeniable truth - that he either has to lie to his family for the rest of his life or tell them a truth that will, potentially, devastate their relationship.

I also think it is admirable that you would go to these lengths for a friend, however I think getting involved in this situation could be potentially damaging to your friendship. If you agree to do it now and then he asks again and again until you've had enough and refuse things could be difficult. Perhaps suggest that he tells his family he broke up with his girlfriend?

I can see how this is a difficult decision for you, I'm honestly not sure how I'd handle it. I hope whatever you decide works out for you both.

 

Considering what others have said, it might work to go along with it this time - so long as you and he have openly agreed that it will be the only time, and have the plans set to 'break up' soon after. Whatever happens, communication is key to keeping as many relationships intact as possible.

 

If you two "break up", his parents are going to wonder why he doesn't seem bummed out or bothered by it. (I mean, unless he fakes it and pretends to be upset, which isn't fun.)
I understand that you don't want to condone lying, and I think that's commendable. Does he have any other female friends as alternative options? Do /you/ have a friend who would pretend to be his gf for you? Does his boyfriend have a female cousin or sibling? Is there ANY other person?

If not... consider a couple of things.
1) How would you feel in his situation and
2) Is it or is it not enough to help you through the guilt of telling a white lie

I would however make sure to let your friend know that this IS a one-time thing. (Unless you decide you're okay with it...)

 

I haven't properly read all the comments because it's late and I should go to bed, but I would just like to say this.

Others have raised good points, but seriously the decision is up to you. Do you want to go? This depends a lot on how well you know he's family and whether you would be comfortable going.

If I was in a similar situation than your friend I would really like to get someone to come and pretend to be my girlfriend (or, boyfriend I suppose in my case). He's already lied that he has a girlfriend so the harm has already been done. He can tell his parents when he's ready, and it doesn't have to be now. You as his lesbian friend are an ideal fake girlfriend. All you need to do is to go there and eat.

I am not trying to make you go, it's up to you. But I feel that many people see this as a more serious thing than I find it.

I however have many gay friend's whose parents think that they are dating someone of the opposite gender. My mum loved to talk about me and one of my guy friends to all of her friends and ask me questions about him. My best friend has been invited to several family dinners hosted by one of her gay friend's parents. Ok, in these cases no one has claimed to be in a relationship, but they haven't denied it either. In your case you would be one step further. But your friend can tell her family that he broke up with you anytime he wants.

If you want to go, go. If you don't like the thought, don't go.

 

I don't see much of a problem with going to the dinner with his parents, provided you're willing to do so. Yes, it's a lie, but the more fundamental one is already being told, and not for malicious reasons. Nobody's end goal is to deceive his parents, it's to keep him from being hurt (in the short run).

I wouldn't stage any breakup though. Keep it simple and polite, go home, and a couple weeks later, "hey mom, it didn't work out, yeah, bummer." Plus, the less time you two "date," the less he has to pretend to be broken up about it.

I feel for your friend. Being gay and coming from an unaccepting family that also happens to be Mormon can be really tough - the pressure is often very great. If it were any other reason he didn't want to come out, I might say don't go along with this, but yeah. You could be saving him a lot of grief at a time when he wasn't really ready or preparing for it. Coming out should happen on his own time - as always, the sooner the better, but on his own time nevertheless.

 

I've actually done this in the past, I "dated" a guy for years. We are both gay and at the time both very much still in the closet...The damage was done and luckily both of our family's were able to come around and not hold it against us..But every situation is different. Good luck either way! You seem to be a great friend for even considering doing this for him.

 

you can support your friends decision not to come out, however, you do not actively have to participate in the cover up and lie and i do not advise you doing so. just tell him that you support him but you dont feel comfortable posing as his gf and adding to the lie.

 

Just be as neutral as possible and it's going to be fine. Don't hope that they hate you! Them pressuring him to do anything with his "relationship" would be even worse. The goal in the long run is that they will be able to accept his relationship with his boyfriend! Just be you, but as boring but kind as possible.

 

Hey good luck, everybody needs a friend like you.

 

How did it go?