Depression, suicid...Something we all should to talk about

Depression and suicide are very common topics on EC. I estimate that between a quarter to a third of active ECers either are or have been depressed to the point of suicidal ideation or self-harm. The good news is that depression is a very easily treated mental illness, most people recover within a year or two of weekly therapy, self-care, and sometimes medication.

 

Far more so than me being upfront about my sexuality, people have been stunned by me being upfront about my battles with depression. And I've gotten responses that range from disdain ("You act like you're fucking PROUD of it.") to heavy admiration ("You are SO BRAVE to share your feelings with everybody!") And I think they're both way off base.

No, I'm not proud of my depression, any more than I'm "proud" of my sexuality. But just as the "pride" in Gay Pride is the opposite of shame, I refuse to be ashamed of my depression. Why should I be? It's no more a "failure" on my part than a broken leg would be a "failing". And no, I'm not "brave" for being upfront about it. I'm just being boringly practical. When I'm depressed, I'm dealing with a lot of negative thoughts. I don't need anything else on top of that, especially not any "nobody must know" sort of stress. Anyone who's been depressed seems to find that talking with people - not even about the depression, but about anything - seems to help, so it makes sense to enlist people to be there should the need arise. And with VERY few exceptions (dear ex-boyfriend, fuck you), they've responded in spades. They've said "You bet - what can I do?" And just having them say that is usually help enough.

I'm assuming I was simply raised differently from "most people", because when I run into other people grappling with depression, they're usually isolated. One of my best friends has been fighting depression for years, and I never knew until recently. And she knew all about mine, so I assumed she'd let me know about hers. Not because I felt I "deserved" to know, but because I felt I was leading by example, and showing her there's nothing wrong with talking about it. But people seem to have a really difficult time breaking through that reluctance to let even those closest to them know.

It's depression.
It happens.
To a LOT of people.
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
And it's a lot easier to endure when the load is shared.

Lex

 

In my case, I usually get suicidal thoughts when I fail to see any meaning in my life. However, I never consider suicide seriously because of all the planning it would take. I mean, I wouldn't want any family member discovering my dead body in the house. So instead of thinking too much in a way to kill myself that would reduce the damage done to my family, I will usually think about what I want to accomplish with my life before I die. In my case, my life goal right now is to try to make this world just a little better. To accomplish that I need to continue with my studies, and take my work seriously.

 

Sucicide is not a particularly taboo topic for me. It probably ranks up there with discussions on the weather or politics. I honestly have no trouble admitting that I, or others may seek to end our lives, but I'm a weird little fish, so don't expect others to be so nonchalant about it.

For me suicide has only really become a consideration in the last 5 years or so - and it seems to mostly stem from a lack of any real discernible future that I can look forwards to. I've never considered suicide as a result of an LGBT issues, only as a logical next step when I get horribly depressed, and can't see that my life is progressing anywhere near to the direction I have laid out for it. To my mind, living a life that doesn't correlate with any of your dreams or aspirations - and seems to have no likelyhood of ever coming close to them - is such a dreadful prospect, that death seems almost kinder.

I've come close to killing myself a couple of times now, but I always have this innate sense of self-preservation that flashes up at the last minute. I guess I've spent so many years avoiding injury that I just can't quite bring myself to fatally hurt myself yet. Maybe someday I'll outgrow it, but at the momment I can honestly say that most of the time - I'm glad I can't quite bring myself to do it. I've never really worried about the impact it might have on my family, or whoever it is that finds me, to be honest, It's my life, I should have the choice to end it as I choose, and it's none of my concern how people choose to take that.

Anyway - just my two cents worth.

 

I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts and depression for almost 10 years now. It has a lot to do with my self-hatred and with the extremely critical and judgmental way that I view myself. I'm literally my own worst enemy. Whenever things get rough, the first thing I think of is suicide. It's almost a reflex at this point. It just happens and I can either fixate on it or push it away, but it always comes back. Sometimes it makes me less anxious, like suicide is a way out of this if I need one (yeah, I know that's awful). I don't think I would ever really harm myself physically and there will be periods of time where I feel ok, but I don't think I've been truly happy for a long time. Now that I'm questioning my sexuality, things have gotten even more complicated.

I'm back in counseling, but I'm going to be moving soon, so I'm a little worried about if I'll be okay. I hate starting over with a new counselor, so it took me a while to go back this time. But I am determined now. I know that I am the only one stopping me from being happy. And when I learn to love and accept myself, I will be able to come to terms with my feelings and I can continue the process of figuring out my sexuality.

I am not going to spend my life thinking about how much I want to be dead. Not anymore.

 

Mhmmm

Society needs to update it's idea's on what's acceptable to talk about and what's not.

Especially if talking about it can help save someone's life.



My three cents worth.

 

But remember we've known since 1942 that smoking caused cancer, and other horrible health problems (thank the Nazi's).

Yet have we banned smoking yet? Or even made it widely socially unacceptable?


Sadly in a democratic society - we can't expect radical changes to happen quickly. That's what the dictators and socialists are for.

*is pondering running up to a smoker and saying, "Nazi scientists hate you!"*


Just my four-cents worth.

 

You're so right. I've never been suicidal but I've been depressed for probably 15 years. I hate it. I wish people would talk about it but no one ever does. And people just make fun of people who have mental illness, or they imply that there's something wrong with them, which makes it so hard to bring it up.

 

I suspect my depression is genetic.... there was never any particular reason for it (though at times there are triggers) and never any reason for it going away..... it just comes and goes as it pleases. It's never got to the point where I was actively suicidal or what I would think of as suicidal thoughts, but self harm was an ongoing struggle as a teenager. Even now, some of my piercings happened on a different date because I was angry or stressed.... my last one was brought forward by four days because something made me angry.

I think depression and suicide are things that we need to talk about. Using myself as an example, I know now that depression doesn't have to have a cause, but I didn't always know that was possible. Since there was no obvious cause, I blamed myself. I saw myself as an attention seeker (even though nobody knew) and loathed that I seemed unable to stop hurting myself even though there was no reason for me to continue. I later blamed a friend, and we were out of touch with each other for a lot longer than we needed to be as a result. We have only just started to have limited contact again. She used to be my best friend. There was no need for any of this to have happened. Perhaps if I had known that it was most likely genetic then I would have asked for help. As it is I never did, and still find myself unable to when it returns. I have always dealt with it by myself, usually without anyone knowing, and that didn't need to happen. It's something we're made to feel ashamed about when it should be treated like any other illness. There's no shame in telling someone you have the flu... but when I finally asked for help (because I had got to the point where I couldn't get through a school day without injuring myself) I got called an attention seeker and the whole thing got ignored.... exactly what I told myself would happen and hated myself for because I believed it. Education really would go a long way... if people just knew that it's ok to feel this way and there is help available and you don't have to be scared or ashamed. We have a long way to go.

As for suicide, I know so many people who didn't do it because of what that would do to their family and friends. We never talk about suicide. We hear about the people we know, and the people our friends know, and that's it. We never see how it affects the families of others. [At this point I feel the need to introduce the word whanau. Whanau translates literally as family, but it also includes extended family, friends, community.... everyone who would be affected if you died.] If we could see for every suicide how that person's whanau is devastated by their death, and see that this always happens and that there are always people who are destroyed by it then perhaps people would feel more comfortable reaching out to their whanau before it got to that stage.

 

Apologies OC if I seemed to be calling smokers out and trying to make some kind of blanket statement.

It was more an attempt to inject some satirical humour.

 

wow,i dont feel as alone as i did before on this.i too struggle with depression.it all started when i was about 11 years old so its been going on for about 6 or 7 years now but i dont feel as aloen bout it..i did before becuz alot of my friends r pretty happy but me?i struggle with depression and ive thot of suicide and still do.ik i wouldnt have the guts to do it and couldnt cuz of family and friends but its hard u know?so how do u push urself everyday wen u struggle with depression everyday?

 

I went through a stage in high school where I was really depressed. I was coming to terms with the fact that I was not straight. I had nothing against LGBT people, but growing up I had attended a homophobic church, so I had the thought that "all gays are going to hell" stuck in my head. During this time I cut myself, and just lost intrest in most things. My grades also slipped. After I came to terms with who I was, I snapped out of my depression. I'm just hoping that it does not come back again, because I was too scared to ask for help the first time because I thought that it would make me look "weak" and at my school, that would land you in some major trouble with bullies.

 

@Just Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I've been struggling with depression since I was six. Because my mum died. I guess I never really got over it. Plus, some other stuff has happened too. And it's totally not easy to go to someone and tell them that you're having problems. I should know.

I've never really talked to people about my depression before. I'm the type of person that just keeps everything locked inside. :/ Hell, I even joined the army months ago, but got kicked out while I was in basic training because of my depression (and anemia)...And I really didn't want to talk about it during that time because the drill sergeants get on anyone's ass if they say they're depressed, like the person's just coming with some kind of weak, lame excuse to get out of the army, that being in the army's just too hard for them. And that's bullshit. >_> The truth is, most people just don't understand how serious depression is, and that just because someone is depressed, doesn't mean that they're weak or stupid or whatever else.

And then it's especially not easy when you think you have someone you can go to and they leave, or you don't have anyone to go to at all. I was actually getting better with my depression, but just recently, the very best friend that I had that I went to with my problems backed out on me. Apparently, it's too hard being friends with me. He had his reasons; I can understand why he did what he did, but it still really hurts and I don't think he fully understands how much he hurt me with that news. So now, I'm just trying to get through things because that was a major blow, and I'm just not sure who to go to now, since he's been my go-to guy for the past two and a half months.

Depression's definitely not easy, and not easy to talk about. It freaking sucks. :/