I'm in grad school. There's a guy who is a year ahead of me. He's openly gay. I think he's really attractive. A relationship would be nice. But, that would be getting ahead of myself. I don't actually know much about him. I really just want a chance to meet him and get to know him. Anyways, I'm in the closet at school. I am still in the process of coming out. I'm fine with some people knowing I'm gay but don't want everyone to know yet. Any tips on how to meet this guy? We don't have any friends in common. I don't know how to introduce myself to him. I feel like if I read his question, I'd say "walk up to him and say hello." And, think that it was a generally silly question. But, I'm asking anyways and hoping that someone might have some unique advice to offer.
Do you have classes with him? Anything like that? Maybe you could form a study group, and invite him. Do you know what he's interested in, or what he's good at? Sometimes it can work really well to ask someone for help with something you know they're good at. If you are taking a class he took last year, you could approach him for advice. Is he in the same program as you? Could you ask him questions as someone who has already been in the program, about which professor you should take a certain class from, or other things like that? Could you plan a social event for the grad students in your program? Is he involved in any other clubs or activities you could join? What else do you know about him? You could also: Invite several people to do something, and invite him, too. Chat and be friendly with him and his friends. Once you know him a little, you might want to come out to him. If you don't know a lot of gay people, he'll probably understand that this is a reason you want to know him better, to have someone to talk to about it. And of course, it's impossible for you to date a guy who doesn't know that you like guys.
in situations like this you can plan, scheme and think of a way to "talk" to this guy but the reality is, that takes a lot of effort and thinking and energy. my advice is this: 1. you need proximity. you need a way to get close to him. are you in the same classes, do you know mutual friends? is he in a club? find out and make sure you are where he is. 2. once you get in the same space as him, you have to create a reason to talk to him. the best way to do this is with a question. if at gym: hey can you spot me? hey do you have any advice on how to do xyz? the point is, it doesn't matter, just make some type of reason to talk. 3. eye contact. he is gay, so you dont have to worry about hitting on a straight guy. so if you see him, smile. if he smiles back, just go up and say, Hey i think i've seen you around, my name is (insert name), you're a year a head of me right.? ready for graduation...? (while smiling). the point is, take the bull by the horns and be a hunter. go for what u want. make it happen. you can do it.
Thanks for your responses. You both offered some good tips. I'll try to figure out what he's involved in and maybe I'll just happen to become involved in the same things. Haha, I like the "take the bull by the horns and be a hunter" advice. Cheers
If you're both in the same department in grad school, see if there are departmental seminars where you might be able to strike up a conversation with him before or after the seminar. Especially if you're studying similar things, talking about research would be a natural conversation starter. Then see if you can steer the conversation over time to more personal matters. You might also find out where his office is. If you know anyone else that shares office space with him or near him, you could make it a point to stop by that office and introduce yourself to him. Does the guy have any GLBT gear that he wears or has around his office? If so, that might be a point you could spur a question about (since you two don't know each other, he wouldn't expect you to know that he's gay necessarily, so it would seem like a fair question to ask him). Good luck!
