I hate the skin I'm in.

(*hug*) There are people out there that are attracted to the person no matter what they look like 'down there'. They're called pansexuals.

I understand the fear though. I've had a few friends that are trans and they worry about it often. A lot of people don't understand the hatred that comes with being someone you aren't comfortable with and so they have to change to their true gender. However, things are changing little by little.

I'm not sure what you're supposed to get out of my message, other than that I understand some of what you're going with. Some people don't understand me when I cross dress. I know that's not the same as feeling like you're trapped in the wrong sex body but I understand some of the plight of what you're going through.

Hang in there. It's ok to be you, even if a lot of people don't understand people like that.

 

the biggest thing to know here is that you are not alone. not by a long shot. there are plenty of people in the world who are feeling the exact same things you are. i can't really empathize because i don't know what it feels like, but i can say that i'm deeply sorry for what you're going through.

other options besides surgery are simply seeing a psychologist, and maybe getting hormones to start changing the little things that you really can't stand about your body. this doesn't have to be an overnight process, where suddenly you wake up in the morning and some surgeon has done a half-ass job on your body and everyone's all freaked out because you look like a modern version of frankenstein. lol. they're doing really amazing things with science these days, and you can take things one step at a time-- do what feels comfortable. adjust. take another step. because you know that you are not even close to comfortable in a male body. and frankly, that needs to change-- you have your whole life ahead of you, and it should be a good one! things can turn around from here.

and while you start looking into your options as far as a change is concerned, (and remember, you don't have to make any decisions right away) you can maybe consider finding other people like you. is there an LGBT group at your school? will there be one at a college you may be considering going to? and if you're not going to college, is there a group in your community? finding people that are going through the same things as you are is a huge help. talking to them in person and understanding that you're not alone makes an enormous difference.

you can do this. people will accept you. maybe not everyone, maybe not all the time, but it will get better.

also, i'm glad that guy saved your life back then. what an awesome friend.

 

I have all the same feelings you do...I hate the way I'll never be able to be pregnant...but it's something you just kind of have to live with.

 

You can always try to save your sperm and give it to surrogate or ask one of your female friends to carry your child to full term and then it is biologically yours.

 

You see it's not the having kids that's the problem, it's the inability to be pregnant.

 

I honestly know exactly how you feel. Which is why I decided that continuing to feel that way was just no way for me to live. I just decided that Id rather be happy in my own skin rather than spend all of my time worrying about everyone else & what they would think. I got to the point where living with the stress & depression & feeling suicidal was just too much & I needed to just be myself. I wont lie, things started off a bit rocky for me when I first came out with my parents, but every single friend I have told since has been understanding, supportive & happy for me, so Im blessed that way. You're right, changing my gender is hard - which is why Im not trying to change it. Im already female, all I'm doing is correcting my body to match that. I realized that what Ive been doing my whol life by trying to pretend to be male was me trying to change me gender. All Im doing now thru transitioning is confirming my gender. Honestly, I feel a bit better ever since I have admitted Im a girl & Im a lesbian than I have in a long time. And I feel a bit better every time I come out to someone else too. My advice is to find a therapist - first & foremost - & discuss how you feel & why you believe that you need to make changes in your life. Therapy is crucial. Second, you may feel the urge to self-medicate with hormones bought off the internet. Resist that urge. It's very dangerous & can seriously harm or even kill yourself. I know that I want to start in the worst way, but I also want to be happy & healthy for the rest of my life as well. Third, and this is really important too - do your research & plan out yoour transition. Your therapist can help you with this too. But the big starting point is to talk with a therapist. They can help you to deal with all of your feelings & help you to decide if tranistion is even the right or the best option for you.

 

Wow.

Looks like I'm late to another thread.

I apologise Fugs - I should have come sooner.

I'm in precisley the same position as you are - perhaps not as openly gay - but the rest you've got down to a point - including the horrible sense of betrayl you get from your "male-parts". God don't even get me started on that. It's horrible to think there's something like that as a part of me - something I can't really control. Like a bloody parasite...

Anyway - that's probably not helping.

Like I said - I'm sorry it took me so long to find this thread.

You and I are the same age - and seem to be in precisley the same predicament.

I would like to suggest - no - insist, that we talk. Above and beyond EC.
Whether it's Email - Skype - or DeviantArt Chat - you and I need to sit down and talk things out, because it would just be plain stupid to ignore the similarities in our situations.

I'm sorry if I sound rather blunt and forceful, but when I read the things that you'v written in your post - and they reflect exactly how I feel - I can't help but be anxious to speak to you properly.

So please - if you have any questions, concerns, worries - or just annoyances - post a message on my wall, or here in the forums and I will find it.

I've got my own couple of threads - they start here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/members/11-11-11-13619.html

But please don't feel you have to read them - like I said I'm practically in identical circumstances to you.


Please.

Let's just talk.

You don't know how much it would mean to me, and it sounds like you need a friend now too...

I'm sorry this post is so short - but I just wanted to be absolutely clear that I really think a private conversation would help us both.

Best of luck.
Please wall-message me.


11

 

That reminds me so much of me - except the other way round. I came out as lesbian, knowing full well deep down that I wasn't a woman.

Your not alone. I know how hard it can be, and I can fully imagine the possibility of me not being here today.

I'm going to address what seems to be your main concern, which is living as a girl. You won't always look like a man dressing in womens clothes. Honestly. Hormones will give you breasts which can be made bigger with surgery. They'll also stop/lessen erections and sexual function (as far as I know. not my area of expertise) and shift fat into a more female position. You can also have facial feminisation if you feel your face is too masculine. and of course, gender reassignment surgery will remove the manparts. Curves are often a problem for transwomen, but they don't mean too much. This will actually leave you kind of model-shaped. And there are tall women, so don't let your height worry you.

That takes me onto the subject of surgery itself. You may feel uncomfortable, and i cant speak for you but only myself when i say I don't know of anything i wouldn't do to get the body i'm supposed to have. I guess its up to you to decide if you can stomach it. You'll be asleep for the surgery, so its not like you'll have to watch it happen, and when you wake up you'll feel so much better.

Once again, I speak for myself when I say I am not pretending. I am a man. I'm not lying when I say it. I haven't had surgery or even hormones, and I'm still not lying. All the transpeople i've talked to agree with me. I know if feels weird when your looking in, and i worried i'd just be pretending before I transitioned, but i feel differently now.

"What if nobody wants to date a trans girl?" I would. And I would even if I was a normal cisgendered bisexual male. millions of other people would to.

finally, i wanna say this: you may feel like transitioning will take to much strength and like its not worth the effort, but thats not true. If you are a transwoman, which it sounds like you are, then i can promise you that transitioning is the best thing by far that you can do. Its taken strength to get this far, and it gets easier, not harder, once your on the right track.

 

This is what really gets to me with the whole trans issue and our society. It is such a tough thing to go through that it literally kills a lot of us. I only threatened with suicide for attention when I was a kid. I wasn't very happy for a long time. I am still not happy with who I am, but I am stronger than many. I should probably be glad for that. I'm in my thirties now and am still uncertain what to do with my life. I hope you can figure it out earlier. Please go talk to someone that can really help.

That's the difference between cross-dressers and transgender people. Dressing is an expression, it doesn't change you. It doesn't really help with what's actually bothering you. Back in earlier days, MtFs were forced to live as women before starting transitioning. A horrible thing to do really. It is called "gatekeeping". A misguided attempt to make sure people really wanted to transition. Most places they don't do that any more. Personally I prefer being more androgynous. No one has the right to force anyone into a stereotypical male or female role.

Actually, surgery today will make everything function sexually, just that you can't have children on your own. But as mentioned, there are options for that too. Hormones also do a lot on many people.

It is a massive thing. And it can't be done fast. I think you need to talk to a professional that knows how to deal with these sort of things. There are LGBT groups most places that you should be able to talk to to get some advice.

I wouldn't worry about the dating part either. Think one step at a time. There are plenty of open minded people who love others for who they are. And hell, there are lots of other trans-people in the same boat, of either gender. I'm attracted to women, and have some amazing bisexual female friends. There are so many people out there that aren't cisgender heterosexuals.

I didn't see this thread until now. Hope this helped a bit

(*hug*)

 

I'm going to echo Veronica's words again

Because she's so damn good with them XD

I would like the stress your need to see a professional.

I've already seen a General Practitioner about this - and although my parents seem unwilling to let me see anyone else for the time being (I havn't told them about possibly being TG) - the feeling I got from that one 20min session was so uplifting that I'm willing to ignore my parents wishes. I honestly hadn't felt so happy since my 11th birthday.

In fact if I can't convince them today to give me another appointment, I'll simply *appropriate our medicare card and book myself an appointment.

Trust me.

Professional help is precisely what you need.

You sound exactly like me before I saw the doctor - and now that my parents are stopping me from seeing her again.

Getting professional help is perhaps the best thing you can do right now - and you owe it to yourself, no matter how hard it may be to get - or how expensive.

11

 

I can't say I know exactly how you feel, because I'm not trans. But I do know what it's like to worry about what others will think of you for coming out as you are. (See, I'm pansexual.) That's not an easy thing to admit, especially when most people have never even heard of the term pansexual.

But one of my best friends is trans, and she's talked to me a bit about how hard it is. She's a lesbian, and she's already come out to her parents and everyone else about that a long time ago. But I guess she's a little scared to come out about her being trans. She hasn't told her parents yet, just a few friends.

And she actually has a girlfriend who knows about the situation. And her girlfriend doesn't give a crap. There are plenty of other people who don't give a crap; they'd date transpeople. Being pan, I'm one of them. I actually have a boyfriend right now. But if he decided that he was really a woman, I'd be okay with it because I love him. There are plenty of other people who don't care about what you are. You'll find someone like that, I'm sure of it.

And I know it's hard not to, but you shouldn't worry so much about what other people will think. I mean, I was sooo worried about coming out to my friends about me being pan, worried that they'd think badly of me and wouldn't want to be friends with me anymore. But I worried over nothing. None of them have a problem with it; they're all cool with me. And none of the people that my best friend has told about her being trans has had a problem with it. I'm the first one to admit that I'm far from normal. And I used to really worry about what others would think of me about it. But I've just learned not to worry about it. You gotta do what you gotta do. For you. You can't do things for other people all the time. Trust me, the people who really love you and matter in your life, won't give a shit about you being trans. And the people who do give a shit, well they just don't matter and you can find better people than that.

 

You go girl!

 

@fugs,i know this si very hard and i cant say way to much becuz im goign thru tough times right now with questioning my gender but do what feels right.others dont matter.do wat makes u happy.for once,be selfish.it may be hardd as hell right now but it will make it so that u will be a whole lot happier later on in life.i know its hard to not worry bout wat others will think,liek with me,thats one of my issues but ur just being u.of corse theres goign to be those close minded people.screw them but im here if u need to talk girly ok!

 

I can understand, I'm in the reverse situation that you are. Except I only feel it part of the time since I am bigendered.

From reading this thread, I think that you have come to terms with who you are. That dosen't mean that you know what your going to do about it, but at least your not denying who you are anymore!!

Also, don't let the people get to you. You are who you are and nobody can change that. People in mainstream society need to learn that.

Good luck on the journey ahead, and if you need to talk I'll be here!!

 

Of course you can change it. I'm not saying it's going to be an easy path, nor that it will happen over a night, but if this is what you want you can get there.
You've just taken the very first step. Coming out to yourself and coming out to other people (even if on an online forum). That is a huge step already (*hug*). That's completely normal that you're feeling overwhelmed. Take your time. There is no rush. You can do things at your own pace.

Take care of yourself, and keep in mind that you are not alone. (*hug*) Cécile

 

In terms of how "real" a transwoman can be, I'm going to recommend you peruse Ashely's (aka IceColdBath) Youtube channel. Here's one of her more recent videos:

[YOUTUBE]y1ULsXns8AQ[/YOUTUBE]

Ashley is trans, but it's damn hard to tell. She hasn't, AFAIK, done anything besides electrolysis to remove her facial hair and gone on hormones. No surgery, no tracheal shave, nothing.

 

There's actually a good number of trans people about. You just don't notice because there's nothing about them that stands out.