My cousin and her friend were talking about me being gay and how I had suffered depression before I came to accept it and were worried how I could do something stupid, but they were overheard by my aunt who, after losing a son to suicide a year ago, would do anything to stop my mum (her sister) going through the same thing, including sitting my mum down and talking to her about my depression and suicide attempts and telling her I'm gay. I know my aunt is just looking out for us but I really don't feel ready for my mum to know yet as I'm still only just coming to terms and getting used to being open about it with the couple of friends I have who know, not to mention I want my mum to hear it from me rather than anyone else. I have been getting a bit depressed over my sexuality recently but I've never thought about the easy way out and ending my life because I realized that there's no point crying over it, there's people a LOT more worse off than me so I should just be happy with my life and live it, but there's nothing I can say to my aunt to stop her telling my mum and I think that will send me back to depression again. Basically I'm wondering if I should tell my mum (even though I'm not ready and might get depressed) so that she can hear it from me rather than my aunt?
If possible, it might actually be better to speak to your aunt first. Tell her that you are not at any sort of crisis point, but you aren't ready for your mother to know - mention that the confrontation could lead to renewed depression. Make sure she knows that you appreciate that she cares for you, but just ask her to give you some time to sort the last bit out, so to speak. You could try offering a set timeline as well, so that you aren't trying to convince her not to talk to your mother, just slowing down the process enough that you can deal with it. Coming out to parents is a big deal, and she doesn't sound like the sort of person who would be happy knowing that she caused depression in someone by outing them. Alternatively, it sounds like your other best option is to come out to your mother first. It removes the "Why didn't you tell me?" argument, and doesn't necessarily need to be a full confrontation. Perhaps leaving a letter, so that you can get all of your information across and give her time to think about it before talking to her verbally?
I think you should try and talk to your Aunt, tell her what you told us and ask her if perhaps she could wait to tell your Mum but promise her if you get depressed you will go to her with it.
Point out to your Aunt that, if your mother responds badly, it could push you to a crisis point, and bring on a suicidal episode. Even if you mother doesn't respond badly, outing you to her before you are ready could push you over the edge. Tell her that, if she can be accepting of you, and you know that you can count on her to be supportive when you DO decide to tell your mother, that will help more than anything else. Having someone in the family that accepts you decreases the risk of suicide enormously. Perhaps she could tell your mother about your depression, without telling her about your sexuality. It would be a good thing for you to be in counseling for the depression--and a counselor can help you plan how you eventually want to come out. Counseling would be really good for you. Why don't you see if you can get your Aunt to help you convince your mother to send you to counseling, instead of telling her everything? I hope you aren't too mad at your cousin. She lost a brother to suicide, after all, and any indication that you might be suicidal is probably really distressing to her. It's not surprising that she felt like she needed to talk to someone about it. It's unfortunate that your Aunt heard. Also, I'm sure your Aunt cares about you, and really doesn't want to see you kill yourself for her own sake, not only because of your mom. If you did kill yourself, she might relive all the pain from when she lost her son. Go and talk to her directly.
