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Platonically Sleeping with Someone of the Same Gender

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by stad90, Nov 20, 2011.

  1. stad90

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    Okay. So I have a question for y'all. What is your opinion on sleeping with someone in a non-sexual way? For instance, I have a (gay male) friend who enjoys sleeping with other (gay male) friends—however, they never actually do anything sexual (I can vouch for this, seeing that I've stayed with him several times without any sexual activity whatsoever). My friend states he enjoys not being lonely and having company with him. However, given his background (as someone slightly a bit more... promiscuous), many people find it odd and are a bit taken aback.

    So what's your opinion? I already have mine, but do you believe two people (who have the ability to find each other sexually attractive) can sleep next to each other without any sexual feelings whatsoever?

    (Oh, and let me mention that when I say "someone of the same gender", I'm including whoever you're attracted to—in other words, I don't mean to exclude those who have feelings for those of the opposite gender as well. I mean platonically sleeping next to someone you have the potential to have feelings for.)
     
  2. addie88

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    personally, i don't see why not. i think the human race spends too much time judging each other about things like that. not to say that you are, just generally speaking i think we set up too many parameters for our own interactions.
     
  3. Hidinginalabama

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    I think its something that can happen if the two people think like that. I know there has been amany of nights when I was alone and just wished to be sleeping with another guy. Not to have sex or anything like that. Just to have some one in the same bed to cuddle with. Some one that I could have waken up to. I think your friend is just doing what makes him happy and I totally would do the same if I could.
     
  4. Ianthe

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    If you have a huge crush on someone, or are extremely attracted to a particular person, I think it might be difficult to sleep next to them this way.

    Otherwise, I think it's fine. I have shared a bed with a friend of mine who is bisexual many times, with no problem. Of course, she and I have been friends for a very long time, and we were friends for nearly 15 years before either of us was out, and she's kind of like my sister, so that probably makes a difference too.

    I guess really, it just depends on your relationship with the person. You wouldn't want to sleep next to someone if there was a lot of unresolved sexual tension. Not that you have to find the person unattractive, just you have to have both really accepted that it isn't going there. Otherwise, it will either be kind of tense, or it won't stay platonic--and either way, you probably won't get much sleep.
     
  5. Noir

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    I do it with my best friend all the time. It's the main activity of our "quality alone time," as awkward as that is to say.:rolle: We're both fine with it even though she knows I'm a lesbian, so I think it's all good as long as neither feels awkward.

    (For me personally, it's a great reassurance to me when we do because we're really bad at talking about what's really on our minds, so we do this instead.)
     
  6. Doctor Faustus

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    What addie said.

    As long as it doesn't get too awkward, I don't see what's wrong with it at all.

    Hope this helps.

    F.
     
  7. Lexington

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    I can't do it myself. Less because I think something might happen, but more because I snore like a mofo, and thrash around a lot in my sleep. I know I'd be setting the guy up for a terrible night sleep. :slight_smile:

    As far as other people, I'm not other people. If they feel they can sleep together, shower together, nude sunbathe together with no sexual feelings, I'd say they know more about whether that's true or not than I do.

    Lex
     
  8. 11 11 11

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    Noir you a VERY lucky :grin:
     
  9. jsmurf

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    It would be very tempting, if the guy is the type Im attracted to (lean and my age)... The sleeping together would almost inevitably lead to cuddling, and the cuddling would possibly turning into fully-fledged making out and finally sex, lol...
     
  10. hiddenxrainbows

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    It just depends on the people. I've slept with plenty of other girls, and some guys. Not like sex, but just sleeping. Like whenever we'd stay at each others' houses and that. And we never found that awkward at all. Hell, my best girl friend actually like seriously cuddles with me whenever we sleep together. She'll just throw her arms around me and fall asleep like that. But we have no feelings for each other, not like that. Heck, she's straight...We're more like sisters. But yeah, depending on who it is, there's nothing wrong with that, and people can sleep together without necessarily having sex.

    Though I must admit that with my boyfriend, it's completely different. Even like before we actually became a couple. We'd lay around a lot together on his couch, and a lot of times, it would end up with more than just laying around/sleeping. But we've always been attracted to each other...XD lol
     
  11. Gravity

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    I could. But I probably wouldn't want to. I have friends that are huge snugglers though (like, more than normal), and they would. Some people just find the physical contact, even if not sexual, very energizing and restorative.

    Not that I'd want my (hypothetical) bf to be doing it with someone else, I do think there's a certain level of intimacy involved, but still.
     
  12. Friendly ghost

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    absolutely, it depends on things people like. Sex is great and all that, but it isn't everything. I have such a hard time with other gay people because that isn't my main focus off the bat. I could have fantastic sex with someone who I wasn't really attracted to to begin with, but after knowing them better and being intellectually attracted to them, It's ok. So, enjoying laying with someone who you are attracted to, and want is also nice. Some might call it something like, snuggling! lol.
     
  13. Noir

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    *feels a grin spreading over her face, stops, and slaps herself* :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: :eusa_naug
     
  14. Filip

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    I have actually done this several times. Never really had any problems with it. Sometimes it just so happens that someone is in town, needs a bed and I can offer half of my double bed to them. On two of those occasions, said person was gay too. And one of the two was the kind of guy that probably had already slept nonplatonically with any other gay guy in the city but me :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    On both occasions, we perfectly kept to our own side of the bed, platonically slept, and woke up the following morning to each go our own way again.

    It's slightly odd at first hearing another person breathe in the same room, or feeling the mattress move when they shift in their sleep, but once I got used to it, it wasn't much of a problem.


    Of course, the main motivation was always to have a place to stay for the night, and not "let's sleap together platonically".
     
  15. Rosina

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    Other than my boyfriend, and not including my brother on various holidays we've had en famillie, I've only shared the same bed with one really close guy mate of mine. We both needed to sleep after a party, there was only the double bed left, we made it clear that any thrashing or sprawling was unintentional (since we're both liable to do it) and got on with business. We both had an average sleep and it was okay; I found it weird because he doesn't move about the same way my boyfriend does and I think he might have found it awkward because he's not my boyfriend. Bonus points for me because I used to have a massive crush on the guy years ago :lol: But all the same, I know it's possible, at least for some people.
     
  16. insidehappy

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    if u want it to be platonic and its just friends, then yes, you can sleep together as friends. but there should be no cuddling or touching. and really if none of this is going on, what's the point of having someone else in your bed to "keep you company". i guess u can, but the friend could sleep on the couch if nothign was going on.

    if you think you may be interested in teh dude and he may be intersted in you, and you WANT to keep it platonic, then dont sleep in teh same bed.
     
  17. Maddy

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    I spent a week sharing a bed with a female friend on my recent holiday. We pretty much just kept to our sides of the bed, talked until deciding to turn the light out, then went to sleep. No big deal, although a couple of her friends were a bit taken aback.
     
  18. hiddenxrainbows

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    @insidehappy But that's not always the case. Some friends do cuddle and stuff when they sleep together, though not have sex. Some people are just really touchy and like to have someone to cuddle with at night. My best girl friend is like that. Every time one of us stays at the other's house, she cuddles with me. But we're not interested in each other, not like that. We're best friends, more like sisters. Heck, she's even straight and has a boyfriend; and I have a boyfriend at all. So people can sleep and cuddle together without being interested in each other romantically or anything. It depends on the people. Some people are just close and touchy like that.
     
  19. Silver Sparrow

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    If there are no sexual feeling already existing, I would say go ahead! If there are in one party, I would personally not recommend it, because things could get awkward. If you think you can resist the urge to act on your feelings (especially if you don't know how they feel), then I think it would be OK. Discuss it with your friend first, because you are who matters in this situation.
     
  20. sammy1

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    For me i have slept in the same bed with a couple of my friends of the same sex(not at the same time lol) who i am attracted to and i dont see anything wrong with it because it was either the floor or my friends' bed