Bf just sprung a surprise that we're meeting one of his ex tomorrow for lunch. Any tips on how to get over this antagonising nightmare? I've only know my bf for like 6 months and don't want to look like a dork in front of someone he has known for 2 years. The 3 of them (+ a mutal friend) have known each other for a long time and I feel like the odd one out on this. Please note I tend to get extremely jealous too... :bang:
As it ends up, my partner has quite a few exes. And I've met several. And most of them went extremely well.* My thought process is "this is somebody my partner was once interested in. It didn't work out romantically, but they've remained friends, and in at least some small way, this person is responsible for making my partner into the person I fell in love with." I know he was physically involved with many if not all of them, and somebody asked if I was jealous of that. I said, "Hell no - I consider all of them practice for the main event. And they taught him REALLY well." Lex * - Truth in advertising: one was an utter prick. At a huge party, he announced to a big group of people (my partner wasn't within earshot) that he gave my partner "the best night of his life", and that nobody could ever top that. I just said "Really? You're gonna go that route tonight?" several times until he realized how everybody was looking at him, then he slunk away. I never saw him again.
Definitely talk to your boyfriend about feeling like the odd one out because he needs to know. If he is aware that you may be feeling left out he can perhaps turn the conversation back to something you can participate in. I'm sure he is aware that meeting the ex is difficult for anyone (although him springing lunch on you suggests perhaps not?) but either way there are things he can do to make it easier for you. An aside: Lex thanks for this - my girlfriend has MANY ex-girlfriends and this is a GREAT way to deal with that kind of awkward question as well as my own insecurities over my lack of experience so thanks
Lol. This is the exact scenario I'm trying to avoid -_- If I were you I'd have hulk smashed that guy. I'm not really good with words. I just hope I don't get reduced into uncomfortable silence and being the odd one out. And it will be so awkward talking about us and talking about them. orlaith, I agree that he may not be aware of how difficult it is for me. He likes to plan things on a whim which I find can be quite annoying especially when he wants me to like get ready in 5 mins and head into the city and I'm standing in my pj s in front of the computer with my mouth half opened. I've talked to him about this several times and he has been trying to change that.
I know how you feel about this, Yuya. I've met one of my boyfriend's ex-girlfriends months ago, like not long after we started dating. And she was his last girlfriend before me, too. So I was really nervous and just felt so weird and awkward about the whole thing. >_> Especially since I'm a little jealous too. And like orlaith, I'm not very experienced or anything. lol It's not easy to meet your girlfriend/boyfriend's exes. But chances are, it won't be as bad, awkward, or whatever, as you may think. When I met my boyfriend's ex, we were at his house. She came with her new boyfriend, and the four of us sat in his living room and played card games with my boyfriend's mom and sister. I thought it was a little awkward at first because I wasn't sure how to act or what to say or anything. But after a while, it wasn't that bad. And I've seen her a few times since then, too. She's actually a really nice person; I even saw her at the mall once when I was with some friends (and not my boyfriend), and she stopped and talked to me for a few mins. ^_^ And I know it can seem like you're the odd one out. But just be yourself, don't act like you think you maybe should. Be yourself, and don't just sit in the corner and be anti-social while they talk to each other. Put yourself into the conversation a little, so you're not turned into the third wheel. I'm sure you'll have some similarities with your boyfriend's ex that you guys can talk about.
So just came back from the outing. Wasn't as bad as I though, I only got annoyed at him for acting like a tough kid and talking about things they use to do together but other than that he was a pretty nice guy. I love the other two girls though, one his bestie and the other his sis. I think I relate more to females than males. My boyfriend was pretty supportive as well, he stuck by me and made sure I was at least enjoying myself.
i don't know guys i don't like that. im a really loyal guy who is different from most, so you guys might think different but i would never "hang" with an ex with my current boyfriend. that is wrong in my opinion even if we are just "friends" ... i don't know . . in fact i do know its just something that is wrong in my world, i have really high morals and values about how i will treat my boyfriend so just make it simple you know? if you know hanging with an ex would make your loved one uncomfortable why even go there you know? i'd rather have my boyfriend than some friend i can do without friends . . it's just not right to me and i am proud to be that way.. to the op i don't want to sound disrespectful to you that is just how i am. if it makes you uncomfortable i would bring it up with the boyfriend and make sure he cares how you are feeling and is mature and nice and kind with you. if he doesn't care about your feelings then toss him!
I wouldn't force my partner to meet my exes if I thought he really didn't want to. He's been a bit nervous meeting them (the same way as I was meeting his), but I wouldn't have suggested doing so if I didn't think they'd at least get along. If memory serves, I think I gave him the option of NOT meeting him - my ex was in town, and we were going to meet for dinner - and I think my partner said "No, I've got to meet him to see how accurate your description is of this weirdo." (As he said later, "almost spot on." ) Lex
It was kinda weird because I get the feeling like I'm the in between sometimes. For example, bf: do you remember when we use to go to ____ and signed our names on _____. ex: yea bf: wonder if it's still there me: ................... (reads papers) Yes I know you guys had a wonderful relationship together but there's no need to rub it in my face. Sometimes I feel he's with me but he wants to be with the other guy. Strangely I don't really feel mad, I just feel hopeless. I mean I still love him but don't really know how to express it.
Just remember, right now, he IS with you. And he's not doing anything to change that. As someone who has a very friendly ex (a whole different story), I can honestly say that if I were to start seeing someone else, I'd probably want them to meet my ex eventually. It would be awkward, sure, but it would be part of learning who I am and where I've been during different stages of my life. Remember, as cute as that story of having their names signed together somewhere is, something else not-so-cute happened that caused them to split up in the first place. After - if I remember correctly - 6 months of seeing this guy, you probably have your own cute stories with him, right?
