Not really just a lesbian, but gay in general. I'm starting to feel the stigma. Before, people could still write me off as a heterosexual male. Each day that goes by, I look more and more feminine, so it becomes less likely of that happening. People have gotten in my face about this. People have told me that I need to be straight because it's easier. People have told me that I'm not allowed to like women and be trans, it's one or the other. Each day, this identity becomes more difficult to carry. I can feel the weight increasing on my back. This used to be how I felt about my gender identity, but now I feel this way about my sexual orientation. Just like my gender identity, this isn't something I can help. No matter what others say, I can't simply will myself to like men. How am I supposed to deal with this every day, though? I feel this societal pressure increasing each time I wake up in the morning. More people confront me about it. Even people who I thought were my friends. Sometimes I find it difficult to face the world, knowing that today might be the day where I snap and really lay into someone for questioning my sexuality. Maybe, I just might need to do that. Maybe I need to learn to be a bit of a bitch in order to get people to leave me alone.
I think that maybe you should get one some people's cases, if they're getting on yours first. You can't let others bully you. You should try and let them know that you didn't choose any of this. It's just who you are, and you can't do anything about it. So they should either just accept it, or leave you the hell alone about it already because it's not gonna change anything. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with who you are. It's perfectly alright. It's just people who are wrong. Apparently, they don't understand trans and stuff, or they wouldn't be getting on your butt about it. I know it's hard. No matter what you are (whether it be gender, sexual orientation, religion, race, etc), there will always be someone who won't accept you, who will give you a hard time about it. You can't let them beat you down. You are a great person, remember that! And those people might go after you in an attempt to beat you down and hurt you. Don't let them. Make them do the opposite: let them make you stronger, let them make you love yourself for who you are. There might be people giving you a hard time right now, but I'm sure it'll get easier. And you always have the people on here to come to. We'll always be here for you! ^_^
Yes, it's difficult. Just be firm with people. Over and over, for the rest of your life. That's all. Eventually, you do get kind of used to it. And, the people who know you well get used to you, which also helps. (If I weren't afraid of offending actual Lebanese people, I would get a shirt like Santana's. I think it's awesome.)
Thanks for the replies, guys. I've just started becoming so angry and sad. I cry about this. This isn't as simple and putting people in their place or acting like they don't matter. These people do matter. They're my friends and family, people I love and care deeply about. Their words cut like knives at my heart.
Yeah, I can understand that. I mean, mostly everyone that I've come out to has been supportive. But I haven't told my dad yet. Because honestly, I'm scared to. He's one of those crazy Christians who hates gays and thinks they're evil and going to hell. So I haven't bothered telling him that I'm pan yet because I know he'd react badly to it. And I don't want him to hate me... I know I can't really say anything, since I'm scared to death of telling my dad the truth, but you should try and stand up for yourself. Just try to sit down with them and talk to them about how you feel, that this is you and you're not going to change, that they need to just accept you. I know it hurts that they're doing this, but at least try to get them to understand.
I'm sorry that people are attacking you for wanting to be who you are. I know it sucks, especially when it's people you call friends. Perhaps you should ask them to just keep their opinions to themselves if they can't be respectful and if you're willing, try and educate them and explain to them that this is who you are. I don't know how people really believe that with all these billions of people on the planet we would all fit into these small categories.
I try my best to explain that there's definitely going to be trans lesbians because cisgendered lesbians exist. I'm not sure where this idea that all trans women have to like men comes from, but almost everyone I know believes it. I'm not sure when this started or why it's so powerful in people's minds. The fact that I exist should leave people with contrary evidence, which means that this idea has to be wrong; instead, they think I have to be wrong and that they know more about my sexuality than I do.
There's people like that. It's sad, but it's true. Yeah, certain things should be enough to let people know that their way of thinking is wrong. But of course, that's not always going to let them accept that fact. Certain people think a certain way, and they just believe that they are right, no matter what. And if there's anyone that's contradictory, then that person is wrong, not them. It's mainly the fact that they are threatened by the things that contradict their way of thinking. They don't understand it, so they fear it. Unfortunately, there'll always be people like that... :[
Of course, it isn't only just that. I live in a conservative community and most people think homosexuality is wrong. So even those that can get beyond that I'm trans don't like me because I'm gay.
It's simply that they haven't yet been educated on the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity. Most people haven't been exposed to these ideas enough (or don't care to be) to understand that there's a difference. Transwomen are assumed to be femme gay men taking things to an extreme, or whatever. So in a sense, by merely existing, you are teaching people something new - and unfortunately, not everybody is open to being taught new things, especially when these things go against something they already think they know.
The reason why they hate you for being gay may be the repetitive "gays are evil"-type talking points they get from conservative talk radio or the religious leaders in their own communities. You don't normally hear them ranting about the transgendered community (though that's changing with the outspokenness of trans people like Chaz Bono)--it's always "the gays" this, "the gays" that. Sadly, a good portion of the older generations may die close-minded, unable to accept that there's a whole wide world out beyond the places they know, with billions who are unlike them in many ways. When, after decades of having their views confirmed and reaffirmed over and over again, they come to realize that the world isn't what they have been told it is like, they will refuse to accept this, even in spite of all of the evidence they can see with their own eyes. We have to put our hopes in the youth, and the sheer number of GLBT kids coming out these days will mean that more of their peers will grow up knowing at least one. Despite your best efforts to convince them or stand up to them, there's always that possibility that your loved ones and friends may not ever completely drop their views on homosexuality. Continue being who you are naturally, even as hard as it may be with all of the bigotry and ignorance around you, and keep treating others in your community as you would have others treat you. You may yet be able to change a mind or two with kindness.
