I am gay. People know i'm gay. Most of my friends know i'm gay. But the shame...

Hello! Welcome to EC.

It's wonderful that you have been able to come out to your friends. I'm glad they accepted you.

Do you know any other gay people at all? Sometimes, knowing other people who are gay can help us to see that there isn't anything wrong with it--they are great people, so it must be okay.

Maybe if you hang around here and talk to us for a while, you'll become more comfortable so that you can go and meet some gay people in real life.

---------- Post added 22nd Nov 2011 at 11:41 PM ----------

Also: (*hug*)

It really does get better in time.

 

More welcomes to EC

I'll second Ianthe and say that I'm glad you came out to your friends and that they're accepting you. This is great news!

Two thoughts for you, as for your other issues:

1) Don't feel embarrassed if you can't be the uber-strong gay man who sticks up for the whole world whenever someone says something homophobic. Yes, those people are out there, but there's no mandate - taking care of yourself is heroic enough.

2) From the way you wrote things here, it sounds like maybe conflict with your parents is a big source of the shame you're still feeling. Can you describe the situation there a little more? What makes you think they would react in the ways you've given? (Not saying you're wrong, I'm just wondering how to approach this one and looking for more info.)

Hope you come back to post more - happy to have you here.

 

Hi there, and welcome to EC. You've come to the right place.

Coming out to our parents is the hardest thing many of us have had to do. Even when we are convinced that are parents will be supportive and accepting (as I did) it can still take us months to muster the courage to tell them. And when you're younger, less sure of yourself and of your orientation, and believe that their reaction will be negative - of course you're going to dread telling them!

So wait. Get feeling better about it yourself first. Because the better you feel about being gay, the more positive you'll be when you talk to them about it. And if you're positive and don't see being gay as a problem, the people you tell will take your lead. They'll react more positively as a result.

And don't assume that they're going to cry, or that they'll be angry. And even if they are, don't assume you know what is motivating those reactions. I'm sure your parents love you and care for you. If they didn't, they wouldn't react at all. They wouldn't care to even listen to you.

Are they openly homophobic? Why do you think they'll react so poorly?

 

Hi, Omega Man,
and thank you for sharing your story. I think it is pretty natural to feel shame in this area because that is how messages are sometimes communicated in the society and they become internalized. It seems like - at this time - you are not ready to talk about your sexuality with your parents, and, that is fine as you don't have to rush anywhere... Or maybe there is a part of you that wants to disclose yourself and the other part that is hesitant... From the attitude of your mother that you described, it does not seem that she would reject you (so you are the lucky one).

Being gay is not really the most horrible thing in the world. It is only our and societal attitude that make it difficult. There are/were many talented famous people that benefited society in a great way - who were gay. Please know that you are very special and wonderful the way you are.

YOu are still very young and I would like to let you know that things will become clearer as time goes on. You will gain new and different perspectives and life will be much more colorful. I would encourage you to do what makes you happy, what brings you joy inside - through your interest, studies, etc.

As far as your discomfort that gay topics bring - you should ask yourself: what is it exactly about gay thing that make you feel uncomfortable/ashamed? Just try to answer to yourself as honestly as you can...