ok I feel like shit. I don't know what the exact reason is but I have my suspects and really I just need to breathe, just let me rant here for a bit, probably won't even post this, never do :/ first off, I'm lonely, like not that lonely oh I'm single GONNA CUT MYSELF lonely although thats part of it, I just feel empty about myself, I keep fucking up in so many things, my band, my school work, my relationships and like just everything that I care about, I feel so far away from God, I feel like everybody who's friends with me shouldn't be, like I'm just a big cunt who can't keep his mouth shut and should be left to die, that kind of empty. I'll be walking along in the street, I'll see someone and instantly judge them, I'll call them a chav or a foreigner or sometihng racist or sometihng generally not nice, in my head, then I'll be like wait why did I say that? I'm no better than them, in fact I bet they're a really nice person and in fact IM the twat, why am I saying this and wind up more depressed than I was before. Then theres ben, he's this guy that I've had a crush on for literally years, it's about 2 years now. Finally asked him out. He laughed in my face and said no. Can't stop thinking about him now like it's like I'm obsessed, I tihnk about him all the time in school liek is he gonna be around the corner? am I going to bump into him? etc etc I'm scaring myself, if he knew he'd freak! no wonder he rejected me I'm a freak, I like somebody so I stalk them relentlessly what am I a serial killer?! ok that was long but dammit I'm going to post it, might as well
I think to some extent it is teenage angst that you're feeling. Most people feel that way to some extent. We're very critical of ourselves and see others as being superior. But those same people have their own issues that they're struggling with. Most of them anyway. While you're not doing as well at school as you might like, I'm sure you're not doing as poorly as you're making out to be. And if you are, rather than agonize over it, put that same energy into getting the work done, or doing a slightly better job of it. With respect to your relationships - telling this guy that you like him took balls. A lot of people wouldn't have the nerve to do that. So regardless of his reaction (which I know must have hurt a lot) you should be proud of yourself for having done it.
