As the title suggests I am having trouble trying to work out why i'm finding coming out to anyone (even a single person) so tough. To start with I have always been very liberal and open minded when it comes to any LGBT issues, I have always supported the cause as it's something that seems like common sense and I could never figure out why anyone would have a problem. My Family are all very open minded and I know they would not have a problem with me coming out. My mom has multiple LGBT friends from across the spectrum. I talk to my sister almost every day and I know in a crunch she will be totally supportive and my dad although may be shocked I know he would never reject me (we are really close). That's the thing I can't think of any major people in my life who would have a problem with me coming out. It's frustrating because I see all these amazing people on here dealing with all kinds of abuse and tough situations where they fight through and come out and it makes annoyed that I can't even do it in an accepting situation. I am starting to feel quite depressed about it which worries me as I have had big trouble with depression before. My doctor has referred me to a counselor to see about this (haven't got any date yet), I hope this will help but not sure as I have never had counselling before as I usually keep everything bottled up (like my depression problems) Has anyone had anything similar or any advice? (I apologize if this makes me sound at all like trivialsing coming out, as I honestly don't mean to)
Maybe having difficulty coming out has to do with you bottling up your feelings. I think that coming out is a very emotional thing to do, and no matter what you expect your family's reaction to be it still takes courage to come out. My son knew that his Dad and I would accept him being gay, but still it took him months to work up the courage to tell us. So I'm thinking that everyone goes through what you're going through when it comes to coming out for the first time. From what I've heard it gets easier the more people you tell. Trust your family and don't rush yourself, there's nothing wrong with taking the time to come out in your own way in your own time.
I was in a very similar position, at the same age actually, coming from a liberal background, having a family and friends who would be totally supportive, in fact I'd been asked multiple times if I was gay and always denied it, except for hinting to some friends that I thought I might be bisexual, and I kept asking myself why I couldn't just make the leap when I had what most people would probably consider ideal circumstances. And when I finally did take the plunge everybody was how I thought they'd be. I never really worked out why I found it so difficult, except that, like you, I tend to keep things bottled up. Eventually it just became too much effort to keep it in and I had to tell someone, so I told a friend who's a lesbian (the only gay friend I have actually), and from there everybody gradually found out. I haven't really got any advice or anything, just letting you know that you're not alone with what you've been going through, and, to use the phrase, it does get better. I may still not be 100% comfortable with myself, but I am a lot happier now that I've been open with my sexuality with the people I care about. You'll just have to do it when you're ready, and from what you've said it sounds like it should be positive for you. Good luck!
Just take your time to work up the courage to do it, and if coming out ever seems like an overwhelming concept sometimes, just breathe :3 It really does work lol. I'm around if you need to talk Good luck with your journey :3
Kinda funny got home tonight and a letter telling me I need to schedule a telephone screening appointment, as soon as I saw that I instantly felt like rubbish. I find talking to people about my true feelings unbelivably hard, I feel really vulnerable and pathetic (like i'm making a mountain out of a molehill out of everything). I am going to ring tommorow to find out when it is but I am so not looking forward to this I feel really down right now, think I need a drink :tears: also thanks for the replies, Aielar I think your right about the breathing thing it works with a lot of stuff stress related that and counting to ten do help, SFSorrow your stories just as good as advice because it helps me relate to someone who has gone through what I have, Thank You. Mommafug I think it's awesome your son knew his family were okay about him being gay, personally I know having an open minded family has really helped me a lot in this process so far.
forgot to mention the above telephone screening appointment is for the counselling I mentioned in the first post.
Happy to have been of some help, but sorry to hear you're feeling down about it all. Really hope that the counselling goes well, they're trained professionals who should be used to people who may need to be drawn out of themselves before they can open up.
Ah, I know soooo much how you feel. I came from a somewhat conservative background, so I was dealing with a lot of internalized homophobia. I knew I could tell a gay friend of mine without fear of judgment, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it for the longest time. I actually went to a therapist a few months ago to try to figure out why I was having the absolute hardest time with it all, and my first session I couldn't even fill out on the intake form precisely why I was there. I couldn't even write "gay" on the thing. And then when I got there I pretty much burst into tears. Haha. Eventually it got to the point where keeping it inside was just too painful and difficult, and I eventually forced myself at proverbial gunpoint to tell my gay friend. It went so well, and I have an ally now in my journey. Feels pretty nice, and I have a ton off my mind. I posted my story in the coming out forum if you want to go read it. I still have a long ways to go, but it's a start. I also have some gay friends now which is monumental in helping me accept myself.
Well I have to wait till Jan to even get a telephone assessment on the phone but at least it is on the table now and I can still work on feeling better in the meantime. I feel a bit better today but still depressed, finding it very tough to pretend to be someone else, most of my friends are straight guys, they constantly talk about which girls they like and some (not all) make stupid gay jokes :dry: thing is I don't talk about girls at all with them and don't laugh at the stupid jokes they make so maybe that gives them a hint. Also, I read the post coastgirl, a really good read and it's so fantastic that your friend was so amazing.
I definitely know how you feel. I've got a family who'd be 100% supportive, friends who I know would stick by me... But I just can't bring myself to do it. Really not sure why, but it's annoying! I'm also a very internalized person, tend to keep things bottled up. Ah well, one day. Eventually. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone
You're not alone. We've all found it tough at some point. The first step is the hardest. Being honest to yourself and others is so much more rewarding, though, than constantly having to hide yourself from the world. I'm sorry you find it so hard to open up to people. I'd suggest writing out your thoughts to someone if you plan to come out to them. That way you can plan and compose yourself and say exactly what you want to say. Do write to me if you need to. Best, Dr. F.
thanks guys really appreciate the support especially at the moment, still feeling pretty rough but I have that appointment in Jan and I can still work on expressing my feelings more, my dad told me I need to do it as well :icon_sad: he said he could tell I'm having problems.
