My 7 Year Old Told Me He's Gay

Hi there, and welcome to EC! I'm SO GLAD that you found this forum, and it's SO GREAT to hear that you want to help your son in this way. We hear about SO MANY parents who would dismiss that kind of comment - or worse - ridicule them for it.

Some members will likely tell you that they did know at a very early age that they were different. They may have even had a sense that they were gay. The fact that your son has articulated this already is quite remarkable. Unfortunately, he's also aware that being gay has it's challenges, and he's looking for a way to be 'fixed'.

I would think that the message to him should be along the lines that he's perfect the way he is, that you love him no matter what, and that only time will tell if he's gay. But that it's OK to be gay - if that's what he determines in a few years.

What I do know for sure is that he's in better hands than the average kid - because you've already started to look for ways to help him.

 

I think everyone on here would smile to see this. I love you. It is fantastic that you are not only wanting to help him and love him no matter what, but are looking for advice to make sure it isn't just your intentions that are good. You just won mom of the year in my book.

Anyway, being so young, its hard to tell if he really is gay, but you don't want to question him. Like Jim said, you want to tell him that its ok to be gay. He will remember this, maybe not all of it, but important parts will stick with him his whole life. You have a chance to build a permanent bridge with your son, so its good you're thinking about it. I would sit him down, make the whole conversation seem important just by doing it. Not in the car or eating, but somewhere that won't be full of distractions. Tell him that he is your son, and that you will love him no matter what. Tell him that even if he thinks he is gay, that there is nothing wrong with that, and you still love him just as much. But, tell him he is young still and has plenty of time to tell other people. Tell him though that you are happy that he was able to tell you, and it is his decision to tell anyone else. Until he does though, tell him it yours and his little secret, and you would never tell anyone. He is no different then anyone else, and nobody is better then him. Its ok to be gay, he can be whatever he wants to be, you'll always love him no matter what.

At least, its what myself, and probably many, would have liked to of heard. By promising not to tell anyone to him, without making it sound like a bad thing, it gives him support, and the ability to know that he can blend in just fine still, because most likely he will want to be like the others for awhile.

You have a great opportunity here, really. If he really is gay, he will never have to worry about coming out to you. Since he already did. Plus, since he knows you accept him and can be talked to, it is very likely that he will confide in you about other things in the future. Just make sure you let him know its ok, and act like its completely fine. He will remember it too, so make sure you talk in a way he will understand correctly. You know him best.

I hope this helps, and that I didn't let my heart bleed in to it too much. Let us know what happens, or if you have anymore questions. You are a beautiful person, Good luck!

 

You are such a wonderful and loving mother. Very few parents are like you, sadly.

Anyway, a number of people do know their orientation for certain at the age of seven. However, there may well be another group who think that they are gay for a while and turn out not to be; this can happen at any age. Only time will tell which group your son belongs to, but whichever it is, that is okay as I am sure you know.

Do you know how your son has come to think that he is gay? I mean, for me at least I though that "gay" was a way to describe fashion sense until I was 12, and I heard about bisexuality less than a year ago. Are any of his friends saying the same thing – is there a possibility that it is something he has heard about and does not understand? Or depending on the situation, are others calling him gay and he hates it? These are a couple of other things that might be happening, and it could just as well be that he really is gay.

At the moment, just keep being supportive of him like you already are, and be sure to not call anything "gay" unless it actually us homosexual; we kids have a memory for when anyone says things like that, in my experience. Teach him that there is nothing wrong with being gay – if you have any friends who are, maybe they could help you with this. He is as good and as valid as anyone else. It might also be worth telling your partner about this, just so he knows and can react.

You are such a kind mother, and you can help your son in a way that few parents ever can.

 

he is 7 and said he is gay? how does he even know what gay is? what did he say to you actually and precisely?

---------- Post added 24th Nov 2011 at 03:47 PM ----------

i think you got to get down to the bottom of why he think he is gay: so what makes you think that son?

also, find out if you can if anyone has done anything to him at school. sometimes kids experiement and other kids that are getting abused can act out on other kids and expose them to things. at 7 he is in 1st or 2nd grade so i'm not sure what he means by gay. he may have developed a crush on a boy in his class. that can happen. i know it happened to me, but in 4th grade i was liking girls. so bsically what i'm saying is just find out where he is getting this stuff from. some stupid kid at school could have called him gay and now he may think he is.

 

I wouldn't take it too seriously just yet.
But be open to it, with today's society I wouldn't be shocked if he actually is. Considering his age keep in mind he hasn't even hit puberty yet and he's probably confused about it.
Do whatever you can to support him, and if it turns out he is gay in the long run support him just as much then as well.
But like insidehappy said, he may have been called gay by older students and he may think that he is. You could try sitting down with him and asking him if he knows what gay actually means, and if he doesn't don't take it to heart quite yet.

 

You sound like a very sweet and loving mother, and that makes me very happy :3 I find it a little odd that your seven year old son knows what gay is, but it isn't beyond the realm of possibility. Anyways, I think it may be a good idea, for you and your son, to explore this together and find out why he thinks he's gay. No matter what he says, just reassure him that you'll still love him no matter what, kids as young as your son shouldn't need to worry about self acceptance and so on...that's all I can say to offer you in the way of advice. Thanks for coming here and asking questions, because that's what we're here for :3

 

I say ask if he is sure and explain what the term "gay" means, if he completely understands why then you have to become a loving figure to him because most if not all of us had not had that kind of support and well he will be far better off. If its just a new word he learnt from some other kind and not actually gay then, i think you should keep tabs on him in case he is.

remember he is your son and he needs you, nobody wants to condemn their child to a life of hate and discrimination.

 

Welcome to EC!

I echo the others who are happy you came to this site. And I'll echo their sentiments. Perhaps ask why he thinks he might be gay. And then let him know your love is unconditional. "Maybe you are gay. Or maybe you're not. We'll probably find out when you get somewhat older, because that's when most people find out for sure. But whether you grow up gay or not gay, you'll always be my son, and I'll always love you exactly the same."

Lex

 

I think it's important you find out why he thinks he's gay. Maybe I'm a cynical bastard, but I strongly suspect that he's engaged in some non-gender-normative behavior (which could be anything from having longish hair to talking to a girl to having a scrap of pink anywhere on his body ever to something truly transgressive) and he's being shamed for it. And the way he's being shamed, in my cynical imagination, is by being told he's gay, or a fag, or queer, etc. So it's very important that you make sure none of that is happening or, if it is, that it stops. Bullying has a powerful and often tragic effect, so make sure that isn't happening.

 

Hi Myson 7! Welcome to EC! Do you know why your son told you he was gay? Are kids at school teasing him?

Oh ya and just wanted to say how awesome you are! Would put you into the book "the book of awesome"!

Take care.

 

First off, welcome to EC. I'm really glad you decided to come here and seek some advice as a lot of parents would have just not done so. Being 7 and knowing for sure you are gay is a very young age, but it's not unheard of. I think you should ask him why he thinks he's gay and see what he says. As others have said, he's obviously aware of negative treatment that being gay has and the difficulties one might have to face. You sound like a great mom and him knowing you're supportive is a big thing.

 

It is really reassuring to hear from a parent like you!

I've got a couple of thoughts:
Yes, some people knew they were gay at a very young age, or at least felt that they were different, and later figured out that the name for that difference was 'gay.' For me, I don't think I felt any different until puberty, and using the word 'gay' took longer still.
So, for what its worth, don't conclude that he *is* gay, just be aware that he might be.

Either way, the important thing is that you love him no matter what, as you said. That is absolutely the most important thing you can tell him. Tell him that you love him, and keep telling him that you love him.


Have a conversation with your son about what he said, and ask him why he said it. Be really relaxed about it. It could just be something he heard at school used as a negative adjective "that's so gay", and then maybe somebody applied it to him, which he took to heart.
And don't worry too much about saying the wrong thing to him. If you're calm about it, so that he knows he isn't it trouble and knows that you love him, you can't go far wrong.

 

Id like to add some to this, first of all, again I love you. lol. knight of ni has a very good point, kids are very impressional, but as long as you act relaxed with your tone, body language, etc. It won't do any harm. I think i might have jumped a little bit too far forward, just because seeing such a loving parent was inspiring and I might have maybe wanted for him what I didn't/don't have. He might be gay, but I think he is a bit young and the reason for him saying it should be searched for. If it was from people at school, he is probably a little soft hearted towards critisism. Nothing wrong with that, especially at 7, I was. Just make sure he knows that no matter what happens, or what other people say, when he comes home none of it matters because you love him. I did my best to keep the appearance that I didn't care that much what people think, all the way until I graduated, and it did hurt inside. If anything, let him know to you he is perfect, and he can always come to you. Which I am sure by the way you sound, you've already done. It is odd that he would say that.

 

Hi Myson7,:smilewave
I also have a kid that I think he´s gay. He´s almost 12 y.o. and since 5 y.o. I´m wondering, but this year evidences became stronger and I started doing researches about the subject... I read a lot about experiences from other parents and kids themselves, until I find this forum that brought me a lot of enlightment..
You mentioned that him being gay already crossed you mind, why do you say it?

 

Screaming like a girl, liking cheerleading and aerobatics dosent make one gay. However there are those in our society that think if a guy dosen't like football and grunt like an ape he is gay.

So I wonder if heis peers are teasing him and calling him gay. That would explain why he feels bad about it and dosen't want to be gay. I'm glad that you are supportive and willing to talk with him about this. If the other kids kids are giving him shit he'll need you help. Even if it is just moral support.

 

Your son is displaying some gender non-conformity. Gender non-conformity doesn't make someone gay, but it is more common among gay people, and being gay is more common among gender non-conforming people. The two things are often conflated in people's minds.

However, since your son is familiar with a few actual gay people in your family, and probably does therefore know what the word means, I imagine that he probably is correct in his self-identification. I've talked to multiple people before who say that they knew they were gay as soon as they understood what the word meant.

Perhaps it would be good to encourage strong relationships with his gay cousins. If you can get him to see that they are good people, that should help him to understand that being gay doesn't make you a bad person.

There are also some kid's books that might help you. I'll come back with a list later.