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Can't get over this Internalized Homophobia

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by The Omega Man, Nov 25, 2011.

  1. The Omega Man

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    I don't know what it is. Here's the lowdown about my situation:

    I'm 19 and in college. I'm out to A LOT of my friends, but no family. But still, a lot of my friends and classmates don't know.

    I still feel really ashamed though. I honestly still feel like i'm in the closet thought. I don't express my gay feelings about other guys I see. I don't really mention that i'm gay at all and I don't want to.

    If someone mentions that i'm gay i'll get really tense and want to change the subject quickly because i'm so embarrassed.

    I'm terrified to tell my family although I shouldn't be. I really feel bad for being gay but i've been coming out for about 3 months now. Shouldn't I be over these inferior feelings?
     
  2. Aielar

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    Not necessarily. The way I see it, coming out has various stages, some of them harder than others. I believe that coming out to family is much harder and much more terrifying than coming out to friends. At least, that holds true for my coming out experience. Like you, I still haven't told any of my family - just friends, and even when among friends I don't feel that comfortable talking about being gay. The reason for that is most of them are heterosexual, so whenever I bring it up, things get a little uncomfortable.

    I no longer feel ashamed to be who I am, and I wouldn't change myself if I could. Returning to your question - Shouldn't I be over these inferior feelings? - I'd recommend doing some self examination to find out exactly why you feel bad for being gay. Maybe it's because we're a minority, or that in some places we aren't widely accepted or supported yet. I don't know what makes you feel that way, it's something you'll have to figure out.

    Having said that, just make sure that if you start feeling too down about being gay, make sure to talk to someone...whether that person is friend or a professional counselor doesn't make much difference. Troubles shared don't seem twice as daunting as opposed to keeping them to yourself, friend :3 Hope this helps you.
     
  3. Sartoris

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    Speaking from my limited experience, not to mention that apart from EC I'm only out to one person, I've felt and sometimes still do feel insecure about myself and I think it's partly because I'm completely unused to thinking of myself as anything other than straight until the past year or so. And part of that is because the few people I interact or interacted with just don't talk about it, even touch upon it [except here and there.]

    This is what sucks about becoming aware of your identity the most, imo, is that you automatically begin to feel weird, different or whatever because it seems to go largely unackowledged in everyday conversation. To many people, anything relating to LGBT people seems more a news item than a personal or social issue. [Great, I'm starting to ramble. :grin:]

    Have you talked to any of your friends about your discomfort? Maybe if you let them know, they can help you feel better about yourself and make it easier to talk about yourself in this regard.
     
  4. Lexington

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    Do you know any gay people?

    It seems most people in your position live in a bit of a bubble. They don't know or interact with gay people much if at all. And as a result, they sort of build up a bit of a disconnect with "gays". "Gay" is "them" - this nebulous group of people that exists separate from them. And as such, they feel weird (or embarrassed) being attached to that word. But if you get to know gay people - across the spectrum - it feels less strange.

    Lex
     
  5. BradThePug

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    Maybe you could see if your college has a LGBT group?? This helped me a lot because I got to meet others that were like me. After started to meet other LGBT people, I began to feel much more comfortable with myself.