Monogamy and bisexuality

I don't know if that's a question that's easily answered. I will say that I know a couple bisexuals who are (or have been) in lengthy relationships. One just ended a twelve-year relationship - not because it was "gender swapping time" but because she found out her partner was cheating on her. She was certainly quite happy to be in a monogamous relationship, and I'm sure she could be in another one.

There seems to be a bit of misconception that all monosexuals want (and can easily exist in) monogamous relationships, and bisexuals don't or can't. The thought process seems to be that "well, they desire both sexes, so they'll get bored with one and want the other." But if you think about it beyond the scope of genders, that might be said of everybody. Most people find several (generally incompatible) things attractive. For instance, I think both muscular guys and geek guys are rather hot, in a generic way. Does that mean if I get into a relationship with a muscular guy, that I'll eventually ditch him (or cheat on him) for a geek? I don't think that's the case with me, and I don't think that's the case of most people.

I should point out that I don't feel anybody - straight, gay, bi, or anything else - should feel they HAVE to be in a monogamous relationship. If that's what you want, then by all means. But one of the advantages of being an "alternate sexuality" is that you shouldn't feel confined by the standard set by the straights. There's certainly nothing wrong with going the "stay virginal until you meet that special someone, then get married and never have sex with anybody else" route, if that's what you want. But I think you're allowed to make your own rules, so long as you make them with full disclosure and agreement with your partner(s).

Lex

 

The expression "long-term", used in the context of relationships, means something different these days than it once did. These days it seems that people tend to think of anything over 2-3 years as long-term.

I am expressing frustration and difficulty with monogamy...but you're only hearing that because that's where I am right now. This built slowly over a very long period. What you didn't get to read were posts by me over the past 25 years, and especially in the first 20 years of my relationship with my partner, talking about how happy and completely satisfied I am. When I felt like that, I didn't need support, so I didn't look up web sites like this one to post on about how great things were going.

If you consider 20-25 years to be "long-term", then yes, bisexuals can be very happy in long-term monogamous relationships. If long-term only means "and they lived happily ever after", then yeah, maybe it's trickier for us. Maybe. Loads of straight couples have just as much trouble making "happily ever after" monogamy work for them, too. Unfortunately, to my knowledge there is little or no research that goes on studying bisexual relationships (actually, bisexuals or our relationships).

 

I believe it depends on the person. When I'm in a relationship I'm in it because I want to be with that person. I identify myself as bisexual but I lean more towards women but I find men attractive. I believe I will be with a woman long term and ill always find men attractive but I would never mess around on my future wife. I think its possible for someone to be in a long term relationship and be monogamous! And happy it just depends on the parties involved. I've been cheated on and its no fun!