Hey. I've posted on here before. I'm 24 years old, male, living in Hollywood. I have some deep seated issues with my sexuality that I've had for going on 9 years. Am I gay? Am I a pedophile? Am I transexual? The list goes on. I need some advice as how to speed up this process. I can easily accept intellectually that I'm either bisexual or gay. As is evidenced by the fact that, 1- when I test myself with gay porn I can usually get off (it also is a more satisfying orgasm sometimes). 2. When I watch movies romantic scenes between men and women make me uncomfortable because I "feel" like I'm the woman (it gets very annoying). And 3- Ive just been obsessed with the subject for too long for there not to be something to it. My problem is I have trouble emotionally accepting it. I really could give a fuck what my friends think about it, they all know of given a guy a blow job once (it wasnt pleasant, but I wasn't horny to begin with). They wouldn't care. It'd be a surprise no doubt as I'm very much a man's man in many ways (not me putting it on, it's just who I am). But I'm always saying I would have sex with a guy under the right conditions and I could be gay, no one takes it seriously though. I just haven't found a way to make it okay within myself. I feel like I can't pursue girls, because if I'm gay that'll just fuck shit up. I was with one girl for two years, towards the end I didn't have sex very often with her (like 1-2 times a week at most) because I'm scared of sex, and it's hard for me to be completely free and open with it most of the time. I'm in my head too much you know? So i dont want to fall in love again and have that issue. Anyway, I wake up with nightmares about this shit, have terrible morning anxiety about it. I just don't know what to do. I feel like there's a barrier I can't break through. And I also am afraid that if I turn out to be completely gay my whole personality will change, and I kinda like my personality. Can anybody relate?
Hi there. I think many of us can relate to being fearful about what happens after we accept that we're gay. But I'll tell you 2 things that I'm certain about. 1. Being gay has nothing at all - absolutely nothing - to do with being a pedophile. I'm not sure why you're even bringing this up. Pedophile =/= Gay. 2. Your personality IS your personality. And if you're gay, you're already gay. So accepting that you're gay will have absolutely no impact on your personality. Except, perhaps, it will free you from those anxiety attacks that you're suffering from. That's probably a personality trait that you could do without. Have you talked to anyone about this? Do you have access to any counselling services where you could discuss this? If it's impacting your health or your ability to cope, you need to deal with it one way or another. One thing that is sometimes suggested to people here is to just 'try it on' for a while and see how you feel. 'Assume' that you are gay, and see how it feels. Allow yourself to be gay for 2 weeks. Check out other guys without feeling creeped out or guilty. Accept that you think other guys are hot. And see how you feel about it. See if the nightmares stop. You don't need to tell anyone. This would be just to see for yourself how you would feel if you were to accept that you are gay. And just hang out here. Interacting with a bunch of cool people who also happen to be gay can be really encouraging if you're trying to come to terms with yourself being gay. Good luck!
To be honest, I'm a bit confused (which is my fault, not yours), because: You say that you've admitted to giving another man a blowjob to your friends, you openly admit to them that you're willing to have sex with men...but you don't want to come out to them? Correct me if I'm wrong, but...haven't you done that already? As for being afraid of identifying with the women in romantic/sex scenes, or being afraid that your personality will change, I don't see any reason to worry about either of these. As already stated, your personality is your personality, coming out won't magically change that. You'll still be you. And as for identifying with a woman's role, is this a problem? Are you worried that people will judge you because they'll assume you want to play the passive role in sex? Again, if you're openly admitting to giving blowjobs, this seems like a non-issue. All of which is somewhat besides the point, because clearly this is bothering you, and has been for some time. I say the above to point out that you might have some sort of mental block in place - some idea that "being gay" definitely leads to acquiring a certain set of personal, sexual, and identity variables, without fail. This is absolutely not the case - I know many gay people, and they are as different from each other as can be. So, if I'm onto something here, let me ask you a question. What do you think "being gay" means? And, a different question, what do you *want* it to mean?
Sexuality is part and parcel of your personality, even your personal identity arguably. It'll take time, but if you choose to decide you're gay or bi, you'll have to acknowledge it emotionally at some point. It's a long process and will take time, but if you can imagine a life where you can accept yourself for who you are - a beautiful, special individual who never existed before you did and will never exist again after you - you're halfway there already. Like Jim said: Try it on for size. See what 'being gay' might look, feel and sound like. Treat it as a kind of game you're playing with yourself, as though you're an actor inhabiting a role. If you like the game, keep playing! And of course, hang out here! EC is so supportive: someone is always around to answer any questions you might have. I'm really sorry to hear your troubles with your sexuality are making you so anxious. (*hug*). If you need to talk, just drop me a line. Take care. Hope this helps. Best, Doctor Faustus.
Okay, obviously Ive confused you guys a bit. I don't care about "coming out" to my friends, I see no problem with being gay. I have friends who are gay, some of my idols were gay. I don't think being gay is anything to be ashamed of. And I also don't think pedophilia and homosexuality are related in any way, I just am explaining that I have had many different issues with my sexuality. I don't believe I'm actually a pedophile in any way, I feel I've figured that out, I'm just afraid of my sexuality. maybe I havent made it clear that other people's thoughts and ideas do not concern me. Everyone can go fuck themselves in my opinion. But I do have my own ideas about myself. I also don't "identify" intellectually or anything with the woman, I literally will watch a romantic scene and "feel" like the woman, its hard to explain, I have the same thing in action sequences wherein I feel like the person on the receiving end of a bullet and such, it makes me uncomfortable rather than afraid. Another thing-I have great cool gay friends already. No one thinks I'm gay, they don't take my questioning of it very seriously, but it is serious. I've tried the "be gay" thing for a little bit and I honestly have a lot of trouble committing to it, I try to check out guys but I don't even know where to begin, I don't actually want to do anything with these guys and it's very rare I find a man attractive. then I get bored and I revert back to my "straight" ways. But then I start tripping about it all over again. I don't know how to move forward except maybe seeking some help with a psychologist. There's got to be some major mental issues goin down or I'm just tripping way too hard over this stuff.
Take your own questioning seriously. What anyone else thinks is moot at this stage. Although having a conversation with those whom you trust and respect with your personal information can be a great help. I'm wary of asking psychologists what they think, but try a session or two. If you find that clears the matter up a little, great. To me, it sounds like you fear the repercussions of staking an identity for yourself as "gay". You don't have to commit to anything right now. Just take things easily and slowly. Don't let your sexuality eat you up. There is much more to life than who you're attracted to. Hope this helps.
Well, let's remove all the extra-curriculars for a minute. You say you CAN get off to gay porn, but I don't get much sense that you specifically seek it out on a regular basis - it sounds more like you watch it literally as an experiment. You HAVE given a guy a blowjob, but again, there's no desire there - you appear to have done it "just to do it". So let's cut all that away. What DOES turn you on? You're alone, you're horny, no porn available. So it's you and your imagination. What do you usually fantasize about? You've made reference to being with a man, but as a woman. Is that your default fantasy? Not your "this spices things up sometimes", but your go-to one? Lex
Thanks doctor Faustus. That kinda helped. I don't really know what I'm looking for in terms of an answer. Solidarity perhaps? I'm just sick of this issue. I'm also wondering if pursuing girls would be morally wrong for me to do in this headspace. Because I would like some sort of companionship on a deeper level but I don't want to hurt anybody. ---------- Post added 25th Nov 2011 at 07:33 PM ---------- Fantasies about ex gfs are usually my go to for by myself no porn whacking off.
Well, if it's normally women that do it for you, then I'd say two options might be "straight but open-minded" or "bisexual but leaning heavily towards straight". And no, there's nothing wrong with going the straight route given what you've said. I don't get any sense that you're gay. More that if, for some reason, you had to pass as gay, you could do it easier than many straight guys could. Lex
I'm saying in my mental fantasy when there is no porn it's women, specifically past sexual experiences/dirty talk. That stuff. But porn wise no I don't seek out gay porn, but I do watch a lot of lesbo and straight blowjob porn. The bj porn concerns me a little, cos I'm not sure what turns me on so much about it (gagging/facials) but I guess I've also been getting into incest porn lately and I have no actual desire to do that. I dunno, I guess sexuality is a very tricky thing for me. I feel like it ebbs and flows with me unlike many others where there's a constant "this is what I like" attitude. I just can't bring myself to say for sure what I am either way, but our societies rules (which the majority abide by) have made it extremely difficult to find a woman as open minded on the subject as I am. I don't want to feel like I can't do something, ever. Sorry for the rant, but you've all been helpful. I'll maintain that I'm bisexual for now. Maybe some day the irrefutable answer will reveal itself.
Hey Lostit, Nothing wrong with being gay/bi/trans or attracted to that...I'm just a little hung up on the pedofile thing which I believe is sick and I believe is a sickness that is totally curable and I believe therapy can help...Lostit, just don't turn into the creepy gym teacher that went to our school and got arrested. Get some help and don't do that and I don't think you've "lost it".
My best advice would be to not pick anything. Don't decide if you're gay, straight, or bi. Don't decide if you're the submissive role of a relationship or if you're transexual or whatever. Don't pick anything to label yourself as. Just let your own behavioral tendencies manifest themselves in whatever way they naturally and most comfortably come. Give it time and you'll learn what you are.
Splattered- Everyone is really hung up on the "pedophile" thing. I'm not actually a fucking pedophile please, I've never been attracted to little girls or boys I was just illustrating how I have a fear of what my sexuality is on all fronts, my mind tends to go to "what if youre this? Wouldn't that be terrible" it's not based off of any factual basis or feelings. Jesus. I mean honestly, you think if I actually was considering trying to molest little kids I would talk about it openly on an Internet forum? I mean is it the belief here that just because you question something you automatically are that thing?
