So I turned 23 on monday...Thats my actual birthday regaurdless of what my profile says....And mentally things are already out of control... Every year within a week of my birthday I just experience these changes...It used to be mentally and physically (like I turned 14 and within a week I was shaving my face no lie) anyways its more mental these days and my biological clock has yet to fail me. I liked the pace I was settling into my adult life and its like tonight I looked at the current version of myself in the mirror (my appearance has altered dramatically in a couple years, which is a good thing since I once thought of self mutilation because of everything.) I just thought to myself some very paranoid thoughts that everybody knows and even if they don't they should and I deserve to feel nothing but guilt and shame forever for the things I've done in my early life....And here I thought I was turning over a good page in my life, I never received so much love for a birthday. But theirs that mental switch. I know I should probably be posting this on another board and not empty closets problem is their isn't a whole lot of stuff out there for the people suffering from mental illness, I can go to the support group meetings in my town but I can rarely gather my thoughts and I'm sure as hell not going to share the issues with my sexuality where much of the guilt and shame comes from. A couple of my friends are majoring in psychology and I've been given a list of docs that speacialize in that sort of issues in the field. I guess I just need to make an appointment. If anyone knows of any boards/forums/whatever they're called that act as a sort of support group for those suffering from mental illness I'd appreciate it. I feel I've kind of posted things in the past here that really had nothing to do with why this place was created. Thank you -Justin (my name is Justin not splattered and I somehow feel comfortable with saying that)
lol no I've sort of accepted myself as bi and fully understand thats not an illness. I was diagnosed with bi polar disorder and hospitalized a couple times for it...My parents thought I was on drugs but it was just an absolutely terrible manic episode. I wish to never re-live it. I was always bipolar but I believe my sort of downward spiral started at 14 with depression and long story short I was either mis diagnosed or it graduated into bi polar. But I think I contributed to going off the deep end by having anonymous gay sex at bathouses and via craigslist. which is something I can't pull myself to say to a therapist...I should probably get professional help for the mistakes I've made
Hi, Justin. First, thanks for trusting us with your story. Second, nobody's perfect. One of the best gifts you can give yourself is to start loving yourself, faults and all. That doesn't mean you should rush out and have unlimited anonymous sex, but if you're recognizing it as something that's causing problems, then it's something to talk about. If you don't feel comfortable doing so with your therapist, I (and anyone else on the advisor team) would be happy to talk with you about it one-on-one over PM or IM. There are lots of things that can contribute to they way you're feeling. Maybe you are bipolar, maybe not -- psychological diagnoses are often wrong. But what is important is that you find a therapist (not a psychiatrist) who can work with you and help you better understand what's going on, what you need, and work with you to solve that problem. Finally, know also that you can get past this, and that you can deal with these issues so they no longer affect you. It just takes time and a little help from a competent professional.
Hi Justin, I wanted to echo what Chip said and also offer my hand of support if you need it. Feel free to write on my wall. See someone (perhaps a therapist as Chip suggests, but anyway someone you trust) who can help you to understand. When I started talking to people, it was like untying this knot in my stomach that I didn't know I had. I felt so much better for it. Dialogue is key. Please don't bottle things up. The healing process is long, but trust me, it's worth it. Best, Gah-Kai
